Cold Heartless Bitch

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I was at a board meeting last night. One of Monty's teachers also happens to sit on the same board.

Teacher: Monty is such a great kid. He's like a big teddy bear. People expect him to be rough and gruff because of his size but he's probably the most well mannered, kindest kid in the class.

Me: Why thank you! That's nice of you to say so.

What I meant to say: Did he pay you to say that? He paid you didn't he?

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Board President: These expenses are covered by our funding agency so it's not an issue.

Me: Excuse me, can we double check whether those expenses are actually covered?  I don't think they are but I could be wrong.

What I mean to say: I spent six months working on the books for this damn organization and I know for a goddamn certainty those expenses are NOT covered. You're a fucking idiot that knows nothing and how you got to be president of this board is just a fucking mystery I'll never figure out. I also can't figure out how the rest of this board doesn't see what a fucking idiot you are. Then again maybe they do and perhaps they'll all go post on their blogs about what a fucktard you are just the way I plan to.

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And in case you didn't realize what a heartless bitch I really am, I received this little gem in my work email this morning. The subject line of the email read, "T - I read this and immediately thought of you."

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent, when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. She hung up but decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And *he* will now be your career!"

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought."

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I'm not sure if the sender was likening me to the shopper or the doctor....both women obviously have their priorities straight.

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Post script:

Inquiring minds want to know so I just went downstairs and asked the lady who sent me the email: "So which woman am I?"

Her response: " Oh sweetie, you could play either heartless bitch effortlessly".

Note to self - enroll in empathy self help class.

29 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...
March 31, 2010 at 10:01 AM

That last story is hilarious. Funny the sender thought of you??

June said...
March 31, 2010 at 10:25 AM

That was my first good chuckle of the morning!! Thanks!!

"Let me see what you bought"
Love it!!

Yankee Girl said...
March 31, 2010 at 10:28 AM

Now that the husband is dead, maybe the wife will get some life insurance money and get to go on an even bigger shopping spree!

adrienzgirl said...
March 31, 2010 at 10:29 AM

So....which one are you?

To doc or the wife? A little of both maybe? Hmmmm....

Inquiring minds want to know

Drama Queen said...
March 31, 2010 at 10:35 AM

What a great compliment on your son! Woot!

And "school board president" and "idiot" are usually one and the same - its required to get the job.

And what a freakin' funny story...!

Mrsblogalot said...
March 31, 2010 at 11:06 AM

LOL! I would have thought of you also...as the doctor of course (-:

Mrsblogalot said...
March 31, 2010 at 11:32 AM

....for the perfect delivery that is (-:

Steven Anthony said...
March 31, 2010 at 12:05 PM

lol...oh sweetie...ouch;)

BigSis said...
March 31, 2010 at 12:17 PM

I don't think you are a bitch at all. Being able to play one when necessary is a strength really.

Unknown Mami said...
March 31, 2010 at 12:47 PM

That email cracked me up!

Aunt Juicebox said...
March 31, 2010 at 12:49 PM

People always tell me I'm heartless too, but I don't see it in either of us. Tough as nails maybe, but that doesn't mean we'd keep shopping if someone we cared about was ill. Cared about being the key phrase here. ;)

MiMi said...
March 31, 2010 at 1:24 PM

The last story is hilarious!
I'm wondering if your Board President works for the US govt.
His accounting and math sound a lot like ours... :/

Becky the Design Lady said...
March 31, 2010 at 1:36 PM

Love that last story. Was about to read it out to my co-worker, but then again HE probably wouldn't appreciate it. No sense of humor...

Danielle said...
March 31, 2010 at 2:16 PM

I think I would have taken that as a compliment! :)

blueviolet said...
March 31, 2010 at 2:17 PM

Let's start a campaign and oust the band president!

The shopping story was soooo funny!

Sharon said...
March 31, 2010 at 2:20 PM

haha that's a funny email, but you're not a heartless bitch...except to men with small peens. :)

Linda Medrano said...
March 31, 2010 at 2:44 PM

Love this! That is so cool! I am the woman and the doctor too! LOL! Great!

Together We Save said...
March 31, 2010 at 3:56 PM

Love this story!! Very funny!!

Raoulysgirl said...
March 31, 2010 at 4:20 PM

My first laugh of the day!!!

Ian said...
March 31, 2010 at 5:10 PM

Still trying to clean the water off the cpu screen

thanks

The Blue Zoo said...
March 31, 2010 at 9:41 PM

LMAO Thats great! "Show me what you bought!"

Lisa said...
March 31, 2010 at 9:54 PM

My students call me Ms. B....and not JUST because my last name starts with B, if you know what I mean.

It takes a talented woman to get the name bitch. I would rather be the hammer than the nail any day...been there, done that.

:) HUGS

The Only Girl said...
March 31, 2010 at 11:06 PM

Love that email! I'm going to have to copy and send to my BFF.

~J said...
March 31, 2010 at 11:20 PM

I love that your a hysterical and fiery riot of a woman..but can put the filter on when you HAVE to--about the email, LMAO!

You're the best!

Scribe said...
April 1, 2010 at 12:40 AM

Oooh Dual Mom! You're such a heartless bitch!

Check out my latest blog entry. I left a little sunshine for you there.

Scribe

Quixotic said...
April 1, 2010 at 7:25 AM

hahaha - I've been sent that email before - I think it's more about how women understand other women - as if a shopping trip that good could ever be cut short!!!

Daffy said...
April 2, 2010 at 12:06 AM

You be one, I'll be the other....I don't mind playing doctor

err...


wait...

did that come out wrong?

The Random Blogette said...
April 2, 2010 at 3:34 PM

Ha! I heart you! I am so glad that I found your blog.

T!nK said...
April 5, 2010 at 2:57 PM

haha!! they DEFINITELY had their priorities straight!