The One Where Ian Makes Me Work

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So last night as I was sitting catching up on email I responded to a comment left by Ian from Daily Dose. He responded back, I replied back to him and before you know it we've got a string of replies a mile long. As I sat contemplating how to solve world hunger and climate change, I realized I had no ideas for today's post. I fired off an email to Ian - "Hey Ian, tell me what I should post about tomorrow". Since Ian is my beotch he replied back that he wanted to know who my top five favorite bloggers are and why.

Damn why do I open my mouth at all?

Like seriously, right at the moment I have 179 180 blogs I follow. How the fuck do I pick five of them?

So this got me to thinking about what I like about a blog, why do I read some and not others. I can hear you snoring wake the hell up. This is interesting stuff people.

I look for humour (I'm Canadian and that's how we goddamnwell spell it). I want to laugh. I look for people that have an edge to them. I'm not drawn to the straight and narrow in real life and the same applies to my blog life I guess. The edgier you are, the more I like you. I don't take myself seriously, and I never expect others to take me seriously. Except when I'm being serious, ya know?

Reading stepmom blogs is what started me blogging. I was so desperate to understand this other woman in my kids lives (the stepmom) and why she said and did the stuff that made me want to tear her fucking eyes out and eat them right in front of her. Obviously it's morphed into something else and lord only knows where the crazy train will stop.

Goddammit this isn't about me it's about you!!!

So rather than dry hump the legs of the same crazy chicks I always do that have a bazillion followers, I'm going to list 5 that I've stumbled upon recently. And you should go stumble upon them too, because they like being stumbled upon. Tell them I sent you, because then they'll adore me and adoration helps me with my self esteem issues.

Linda at The Good The Bad The Worse

Some people can be described with one word without having to think twice. Linda is classy. She's funny, smart and so very damn classy. So henceforth Linda shall be referred to as Lady D. I aspire to be classy when I grow up. She writes tongue in cheek about her marriages. She laughs at herself and invites her readers to laugh along with her. I love Linda and I'm hoping she'll adopt me. (Terry and Kat are STROKIN the fuck out right now because Linda has already adopted them and if she adopts me too I'll be the baby of the family)

LiLu at Live It Love It.

Let's call her Epidermis. Go read her if you want to know why I've decided to call her that. I will tell you her post today was about ideas on  getting out of an upcoming stint at jury duty. Her ingenious plans include:

  • Pretending she's a contestant on American Idol and doing a rendition of Pants on The Ground from the jury box
  • Wearing her cat around her neck
  • Dressing up like the blue man

Queen at Queen of WTF

She called the sheriff a dumbfuck.

In an email.

To the sheriffs office.

Do I need to say anything more? I think not. In case I do, she hearts the word fuck almost as much as I do.

Let's call her BOS (Balls of Steel)

Sarah at I Run With Scissors

This is her coffee cup. She did this at work after someone dumped out her fresh cup of coffee and threw out her eggs she had cooked for breakfast. She's an EMT or something...I don't know. She works 24 hour shifts and refers to herself in the third person when she's tired.

Sarah gets the dubious title of SCANK and she has the tray to prove it. Go, I'm not telling you anything more, read for yourself.
Last but not least:

L at Tampons and Chocolates

Though L isn't a new blog for me, it would appear she likes to fall off the fucking face of the earth every once in awhile. Stop by and say hi to her, perhaps the pressure of a bunch of new followers will make her post more. Perhaps you'll even get emails like this from L:

I have been swamped with work, playing the role of a taxi cab driver for my kids (except I seem to be the one giving them money right before they get out of the car..WTF?), and doing my best to keep up with my wifely duties (cleaning, nagging, faking orgasms and such).

She makes me laugh. She'll make you laugh too, I promise. If you don't laugh you're obviously dead. Go visit Always With Wings and tell her I sent you (she hates pads).

Ian my man, I love you like a brother dude but this was one tough assignment.

So go - I want to see your fav five, fab five, funny five, five that make you go hmmmm. Do it or I'll sick Ian on you.

Oh yeah, one more thing....I'm pregnant.

Check your calendar.
It's April 1st. GOTCHA!!!!
You so thought I was pregnant.
That would involve having sex. I'm going now.


The Queen said...
April 1, 2010 at 7:19 AM

Thanks for the shout out.. I also grabbed the sheriff by the balls and twisted one time.

You see, he was at our local fall festival. He was suppose to be there because my ex was stalking me and he was suppose to be there to arrest him..

Instead, he got drunk.. and my ex was standing there not 10 feet from us.. AND I GOT PISSED..

SO, I SAT DOWN BY THIS DRUNK BASTARD.. reached under the table and started fondling his balls.. then.. when I had his full attention.. I grabbed a handful and twisted...

I gave him a piece of my mind.. told him he was to fucking drunk to do his job,, so get on the radio and call someone who could..

He didn't run for re-election..


and I love the new nick name.. BOS...

singedwingangel said...
April 1, 2010 at 8:58 AM

Oohh the only 2 I don't have were the last 2 lol. And Queen I could so seeing you do that.. lmbo

Mrsblogalot said...
April 1, 2010 at 10:02 AM

Wow! You did great. And you picked some awesome bloggers girl! Love someone who works well under pressure !!!!

Noelle said...
April 1, 2010 at 10:54 AM

Fuck me. You totally had me with the I'm pregnant comment. I was thinking to myself, "What the f...she can't just announce she's pregnant like that and not expand on it. We need details, dammit!" And then I scrolled down. Good one.

MindyMom said...
April 1, 2010 at 11:01 AM

Love it!

Will go check these blogs out now!

My Mercurial Nature said...
April 1, 2010 at 11:16 AM

Excellent blog choices (I am sooooo ahead of you...and Linda will adopt me, first, so kiss it) and screw April Fools. I believe NOTHING today.

Michelle Pixie said...
April 1, 2010 at 12:03 PM

I love LiLu! Not only is she super funny she's also very talented with the blog designs...She just gave me an overhaul! ;-)

LiLu said...
April 1, 2010 at 12:51 PM

Awww, thank you so much! I'm honored.

...but why Epidermis?? I must know!

Danielle said...
April 1, 2010 at 12:56 PM

I hate your blog, so why the fuck would I check out 5 other blogs that you recomend???????

April Fools Day!!!!

Kmama said...
April 1, 2010 at 1:04 PM

Hmm, looks like I have some new blogs to check out!!

Laura said...
April 1, 2010 at 1:43 PM

Looking forward to checking out some new blogs per your recommendation ;-)

adrienzgirl said...
April 1, 2010 at 1:57 PM

All this time, I thought I was your favorite. :(

I'll be over in the corner...pouting.

*raises hand* red-headed stepchild right here!

MiMi said...
April 1, 2010 at 2:02 PM

That's it. I'm stomping away and not leaving a comment if I'm not your favorite.

Salt said...
April 1, 2010 at 3:12 PM

Well shoot...I was about to be all "congratulations!"

But I guess I can say "congratulations" because you are the only person to have fooled me so far today.

Aunt Juicebox said...
April 1, 2010 at 3:15 PM

Ha, can't fool me. ;) I refuse to believe anything anybody says to me today. lol

Anonymous said...
April 1, 2010 at 8:11 PM

Nice! Off to check out your faves..they have to be good if you put your seal of approval on them.

Erin said...
April 1, 2010 at 10:27 PM

okay, i am off to check out some of these peeps i haven't heard of!

and isn't Ian the greatest?!?!

Daffy said...
April 1, 2010 at 11:59 PM

I need another blog to follow like a need a hole in the head. I have to cart my fucking laptop to the shitter in order to find the time to read the ones I love (ahem...that would be you....yes it has been approximately 5 days since my last shit...I know I haven't been here as much as I would like to).

Some of the fabs I already follow...alas...I'm off to find the ones I don't.....

Menopausal New Mom said...
April 2, 2010 at 2:52 PM

For someone who wanted to do a post and had no ideas, you've pulled off a classic. Love the way you summed up these gals and when I get a minute to myself, I'll be checking them out.

Linda Medrano said...
April 2, 2010 at 5:02 PM

Sweetheart, I had already started the adoption papers. You're in. From now on you can just call me Lady Mama. Or "Her highness" or "She who commands all she surveys" or "Mommy Dearest". I will answer to all of those. You are my baby girl and we both know that. I won't let those evil big sisters abuse you either!

L said...
April 2, 2010 at 8:08 PM

I checked out Tampons & Chocolate and found a post all about "turds." kind of gal!

Hey, I love you. You are da bomb! Sorry for not posting regularly. I had to go to the DMV, remember? I just got back!


gayle said...
April 3, 2010 at 12:09 PM

I will checking these bloggers out asap!! Love yours!!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
April 3, 2010 at 1:29 PM

Not sure how I missed this post originally. Anyhoohoo, I have never been to any of these blogs.

Only because you like them and you made them sound good.

Does it stress anyone else out when you find good blogs and you're like, "Oh God. Another blog in the reader, there goes the load of darks I was planning on doing."

Anonymous said...
April 5, 2010 at 8:06 PM

you ALMOST got me. :-P