Thank Fuck It's Friday - The Second Edition

This post is for Ian over at Daily Dose of Reality. He's a new reader, I'm a new follower to his blog. Those much smarter than me (I mean you Duckalicious) have been reading him forever. I never claimed intelligence. Anyway, he left this comment on my man hating fuck all men last post:

HELL YEAH I AM HERE! The Pimp Daddy of the CCWA in da house!!!!!

Any other dudes up in here? Hope not cause this place ain't big enough for two pimpz!

This of course intrigued me because I`m all about befriending mentally unstable unique people.

Than he left this on last Friday's post:

Thank FUCK it's Friday...so where's this Friday's post? What the fuck is going on here?

I have an idea.
 Make all these peepz over here vote for you.

What say you?

Do I need whip all deez ho's into shape?

Don't make me crack da whip and break out dis pimp hand!  It's  Friday.
 
Don`t ask me what he`s talking about, he`s mentally unstable speeeecial.
 
So Ian, to honor you here's a Thank Fuck It's Friday post. And you damn well should feel honored. You feel honored, right. Yeah I know.

The sun is shining and it's 14 degrees. I just spent happy hour (it's never just an hour) with my boss, hunky program manager, and K (one of my nefarioius shoe drinking friends). Happy hours make me....well happy. To the point where I have to leave my car in town and get a lift home.

I feel like taking my shoes off and playing in the mud, lord knows I have enough of it in my driveway. I`m thinking this is the wine talking and it`s probably not a good idea to go play in the mud.

This week has been much improved over last week. It feels like spring. You can feel it on your face and smell it in the air. I don't know about you, but this time of year fills me with hope more so than any other season. It's the time of year people shed their winter coats and break out the open toe shoes and I'm all about the open toe shoes. This time of year invigorates me.

So in honor of my new found energy, I'm thinking it's time to wax my legs. I know you care, right? Seriously, is it just me or does anyone else become a bit of a sludge during the winter? I was thinking of having the hair on my legs "done",  you know, a few highlights....perhaps a bit of layering reminiscent of the 1980's.  Yes, it's that bad. It's gross really. Don't judge me. Please tell me you get a little European during the winter.

This morning I attended a "session" on image, first impressions and dressing in the workplace. Did you know when you meet someone for the first time - it only takes them 7 to 11 SECONDS to form an opinion about you as a person, and it's based solely on your physical appearance and the way you dress? Unfair as it may be, it's true. And we all do it.

One of the latest crazes in fashion is this little gem:

Spanx for men. It's about good goddamn time.

You see, since the dawn of time, women have been trying to hide their body flaws. Back in the days of the corset, a woman would not be seen outside of her bedchamber without everything tucked, tied and pinched within an inch of her life. Why do you think they had "fainting" couches and smelling salts? Because women couldn't BREATH 90% of the time and were forever fucking passing out all over the place.

With technological progress being what it is, we're now in the era of Spanx and high wasted panties (that are so unsexy it doesn't even bear thinking about). My point is, women have always suffered for the sake of that elusive hour glass figure. Whether we do it to ourselves or feel a certain pressure from society to conform, the pressure is real, regardless of where it comes from. Men, mehhh they just let it all hang out. Beer gut, who gives a fuck? Fat ass, oh well deal with it. No hair, too bad so sad....me so sexy. They don't care, or it seems as though they don't care.  And it's not fair dammit. *stamps foot and pouts*

Now it's your turn men. Because do you know what? That beer gut peeking out between the buttons on your shirt....yeah that shits not attractive. I have had three children. It does things to your body. I mean it DOES things to your body. My belly isn't the result of beer, it's not the result of laziness (ok maybe a bit of laziness, but alot of it's not, my belly was damn well hard earned) Yes, your woman may love you, but that's because she sees beyond the hairy beer belly.

While I`m on my man bashing why the fuck are you the way you are you make me want to punch you in the throat you ass goblin turd burglar (thanks Ian) rant, lets talk about body hair. Again with the double standard. I feel as though I should hang myself for having a bit of hair on my legs. Men, mehhhhh they`ll let their eyebrows grow down to their upper lip and be completely ok with it. That there above, in the pic, yeah wax that shit. It`ll hurt so bad you`ll wish for the sweet release of death, but so does not having sex and I can guarenfuckintee with that much hair you ain`t ever gettin any. So if you're a man, and you have a beer belly, and think it's ok..... that shit just ain't sexy dude. But I`m sure your woman loves you anway. And really, that`s all that matters. The love of a good woman ( and she is indeed a good woman) makes everything ok.

Am I vain (for some reason my question mark key is not working so for the rest of the posts there will be no questions). Perhaps. Don`t get me wrong, I see beyond the beer gut and the eyebrow hair long enough to braid. I have some ugly ass friends that I would give my life for. Hell, I`m no beauty queen....please I`m sitting here thinking about layering the fucking hair on my legs. It`s the double standard that drives me completely around the fucking bed. Whose fault is it, because I need someone to blame.

Apparently Ian does dishes and laundry. Go read his stuff. It`s just ok, really. You know, if you`re bored and have nothing else to do. You might chuckle, just a little bit.

Happy Friday everyone.