Thank Fuck It's Friday - The Second Edition

Brought to you exclusively by Dual Mom on
This post is for Ian over at Daily Dose of Reality. He's a new reader, I'm a new follower to his blog. Those much smarter than me (I mean you Duckalicious) have been reading him forever. I never claimed intelligence. Anyway, he left this comment on my man hating fuck all men last post:

HELL YEAH I AM HERE! The Pimp Daddy of the CCWA in da house!!!!!

Any other dudes up in here? Hope not cause this place ain't big enough for two pimpz!

This of course intrigued me because I`m all about befriending mentally unstable unique people.

Than he left this on last Friday's post:

Thank FUCK it's Friday...so where's this Friday's post? What the fuck is going on here?

I have an idea.
 Make all these peepz over here vote for you.

What say you?

Do I need whip all deez ho's into shape?

Don't make me crack da whip and break out dis pimp hand!  It's  Friday.
 
Don`t ask me what he`s talking about, he`s mentally unstable speeeecial.
 
So Ian, to honor you here's a Thank Fuck It's Friday post. And you damn well should feel honored. You feel honored, right. Yeah I know.

The sun is shining and it's 14 degrees. I just spent happy hour (it's never just an hour) with my boss, hunky program manager, and K (one of my nefarioius shoe drinking friends). Happy hours make me....well happy. To the point where I have to leave my car in town and get a lift home.

I feel like taking my shoes off and playing in the mud, lord knows I have enough of it in my driveway. I`m thinking this is the wine talking and it`s probably not a good idea to go play in the mud.

This week has been much improved over last week. It feels like spring. You can feel it on your face and smell it in the air. I don't know about you, but this time of year fills me with hope more so than any other season. It's the time of year people shed their winter coats and break out the open toe shoes and I'm all about the open toe shoes. This time of year invigorates me.

So in honor of my new found energy, I'm thinking it's time to wax my legs. I know you care, right? Seriously, is it just me or does anyone else become a bit of a sludge during the winter? I was thinking of having the hair on my legs "done",  you know, a few highlights....perhaps a bit of layering reminiscent of the 1980's.  Yes, it's that bad. It's gross really. Don't judge me. Please tell me you get a little European during the winter.

This morning I attended a "session" on image, first impressions and dressing in the workplace. Did you know when you meet someone for the first time - it only takes them 7 to 11 SECONDS to form an opinion about you as a person, and it's based solely on your physical appearance and the way you dress? Unfair as it may be, it's true. And we all do it.

One of the latest crazes in fashion is this little gem:

Spanx for men. It's about good goddamn time.
You see, since the dawn of time, women have been trying to hide their body flaws. Back in the days of the corset, a woman would not be seen outside of her bedchamber without everything tucked, tied and pinched within an inch of her life. Why do you think they had "fainting" couches and smelling salts? Because women couldn't BREATH 90% of the time and were forever fucking passing out all over the place.

With technological progress being what it is, we're now in the era of Spanx and high wasted panties (that are so unsexy it doesn't even bear thinking about). My point is, women have always suffered for the sake of that elusive hour glass figure. Whether we do it to ourselves or feel a certain pressure from society to conform, the pressure is real, regardless of where it comes from. Men, mehhh they just let it all hang out. Beer gut, who gives a fuck? Fat ass, oh well deal with it. No hair, too bad so sad....me so sexy. They don't care, or it seems as though they don't care.  And it's not fair dammit. *stamps foot and pouts*

Now it's your turn men. Because do you know what? That beer gut peeking out between the buttons on your shirt....yeah that shits not attractive. I have had three children. It does things to your body. I mean it DOES things to your body. My belly isn't the result of beer, it's not the result of laziness (ok maybe a bit of laziness, but alot of it's not, my belly was damn well hard earned) Yes, your woman may love you, but that's because she sees beyond the hairy beer belly.

While I`m on my man bashing why the fuck are you the way you are you make me want to punch you in the throat you ass goblin turd burglar (thanks Ian) rant, lets talk about body hair. Again with the double standard. I feel as though I should hang myself for having a bit of hair on my legs. Men, mehhhhh they`ll let their eyebrows grow down to their upper lip and be completely ok with it. That there above, in the pic, yeah wax that shit. It`ll hurt so bad you`ll wish for the sweet release of death, but so does not having sex and I can guarenfuckintee with that much hair you ain`t ever gettin any. So if you're a man, and you have a beer belly, and think it's ok..... that shit just ain't sexy dude. But I`m sure your woman loves you anway. And really, that`s all that matters. The love of a good woman ( and she is indeed a good woman) makes everything ok.

Am I vain (for some reason my question mark key is not working so for the rest of the posts there will be no questions). Perhaps. Don`t get me wrong, I see beyond the beer gut and the eyebrow hair long enough to braid. I have some ugly ass friends that I would give my life for. Hell, I`m no beauty queen....please I`m sitting here thinking about layering the fucking hair on my legs. It`s the double standard that drives me completely around the fucking bed. Whose fault is it, because I need someone to blame.

Apparently Ian does dishes and laundry. Go read his stuff. It`s just ok, really. You know, if you`re bored and have nothing else to do. You might chuckle, just a little bit.

Happy Friday everyone.

23 comments:

GunDiva said...
March 19, 2010 at 7:30 PM

Amen, Sister! You preach it good!

MiMi said...
March 19, 2010 at 8:08 PM

OMG, that beer gut! I'm blind, I'm blind!
Okay, so, I just found Ian too. Why am I so slow to catch on sometimes? He's stinkin' hilarious!

Daffy said...
March 19, 2010 at 8:53 PM

I totally go European in the winter...complete with a Madonna accent and all. My husband finds it quite annoying but I think its bloody hilarious!

So glad you found Ian. He's a gem to be sure!

Menopausal New Mom said...
March 19, 2010 at 9:15 PM

Well Happy Friday to you too! Sure hope that "Happy" hour worked.

Oh yeah, thanks for the visual of that disgusting man gut you posted, I'll probably have nightmares for days!

~J said...
March 19, 2010 at 9:25 PM

Holy shit! Ian AND Dual Mom in the same place??? This is like the resurrection of Christ for me!

Love that you were thinkin about gettin your leg hair did...I won't lie..I have a 2 day stubble goin' on..but I usually don't let it get any worse than that. Because I'm a vain, insecure cluster of DNA..what can I say?

Laura said...
March 19, 2010 at 9:29 PM

Shall I dare say it...yes I will...I believe all men should manscape!

Taylorvillegirl said...
March 19, 2010 at 9:45 PM

Amen! Stupid men and their stupid double standards. I'd love to see men go through half of what women do in order to look good. The tweezing, waxing, shaving, dye jobs and fat sucking torture devices. Those bastards have no idea!

Ian said...
March 19, 2010 at 9:57 PM

Two things....thank FUCK it's Friday for starters

Secondly I tried doing that shit, you know shaving down there a few times.

That shit itches like a motherfucker. Bad enough I scratch my jewels as it is, hey I'm a dude, deal with it. Even worse after I trim it down.

It's like someone rubbed poison ivy all over my junk. I'm down for some suggestions on how to rid the damn itch y'all. But given the fact that I'm the only King Pimp up in dis hizzouse, I need some crack ho advice.

Please.

My Mercurial Nature said...
March 19, 2010 at 10:10 PM

God I love you! And btw, it's either "Go European" or crank up the heat...and we all know it's important to save a few pennies. Lord I'm embarrassed.

Danielle said...
March 19, 2010 at 10:24 PM

I have seen Ian comment on blogs but never checked him out until now cause, well, cause his picture is a little creepy. Um, that may be the wine talking! :)

Erin said...
March 19, 2010 at 11:23 PM

I go European in the winter on my legs....but I'm Brazilian all year round. LOL!!!!

;-)

I love Spanx for men. I also think all men should get waxed so they can appreciate what we women go through.

T!nK said...
March 20, 2010 at 12:36 AM

SPANX FOR MEN!!!!!! OMFG THIS IS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED FUCKING BREAD!!!! Now I don't ACTUALLY have to work out!! SWEETTTTTTT!!!!!!

middle child said...
March 20, 2010 at 12:40 AM

Sick to death of shaving my legs. I need to be able to do the cross out thing too cuz that's how I write, sarcastic as I am. I heard it was the abc with line thru it but I don't see that as one of my options. Can you help? If not, just keep writing as you are a real joy to read. Keep it real girl! Peace.

middle child said...
March 20, 2010 at 12:56 AM

Am trying to subscribe to "on the Verge." Don't understand it. I just want to subscribe as I do to your's. Any help? (Call me an idiot and stuff but if you can, do a general blog to Middle child calling me any name you want.) Thanks.

June said...
March 20, 2010 at 10:30 AM

I think you should go running barefoot in the mood.

Friday was fun...Saturday morning, not so much.

~J said...
March 20, 2010 at 12:34 PM

Just because I don't know anyone who uses the word fuck like you--you have a couple awards here:

http://boobiesbabiesblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/awards-galore-and-7-things-about-yours.html

Linda Medrano said...
March 20, 2010 at 3:03 PM

You've finally done it. My bladder control could not withstand this one. I laughed so hard I peed. Are you satisfied now? You are hysterical!

Secretia said...
March 20, 2010 at 6:42 PM

They like us with very little body hair-fine, I keep it trimmed!

But I don't want to be smothered by a man's big fat gut, that's fair isn't it?

rxBambi said...
March 20, 2010 at 6:49 PM

Oh yes! Spanx for men! awesome. I know a LOT of guys with man boobs!

I used to go european in the winter, but a couple years ago I got my legs (and pits) lasered. LOVE IT. I barely shave at all!

ps- you know, thank fuck it's friday would work REALLY well with Happy Hour Friday... I'm just sayin...

Alex said...
March 20, 2010 at 7:27 PM

As a wife to a hairy, big bellied man I HEAR YA SISTAH!

Mrsblogalot said...
March 20, 2010 at 8:38 PM

LOFL!!!!!!!!You have just killed me! Killed me I say!!!!

I don't know how I can still keep typing if I'm dead but amazing things happen with liquid in a fancy glass.

I just found Ian also (Thanks Daffy..yo duck in da house)

How did we even think we were smart not knowing him sooner? Even a little bit?

Terry said...
March 21, 2010 at 10:31 PM

You said it and you said it well!! And I'm gonna have to check this Ian fella out....hmmm..you got me wondering now...