Pardon Moi? You Smelled Me?

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About nine months after ex and I broke up I started dating. To say that I was making up for lost time would be an understatement. One might even say I had a lot of “wild oats” to sow (how does one sow wild oats?) I dated a lot. I had a lot of fun. I had zero interest in finding a “relationship”. I was 27 years old and just out of an almost 10 year relationship.

There is a certain type of man totally drawn to women who have no interest in relationships. These men are fun, adventurous and a bit whorish. They were full of tacky pick up lines that made me chuckle. They would woo you with insincere flattery all the while thinking they were going to get them some of that. I didn’t really care. They made me laugh and they looked good, those were my pre-requisites for a date, at that time in my life. Shallow? Totally, but I think I deserved a few shallow years.


One of the guys I dated was a bouncer at a local club. So McYummy…hmmmm, sigh…oh yeah, where was I? Ok, so we were seeing each other in September 2001. I only remember this because I remember spending nights sitting on my couch until the wee hours of the morning watching coverage of 9/11. Let’s call him Chris, because that’s his name. Chris and I spent about 3 months dating off and on. If I had nothing else going on on a Friday night, I’d email him and say, “Hey, what’s going on after work?” He’d email me back, “Not much, pick me up at 2:00am?” and we’d hang out until the next morning when I had to pick kids up or he had to go home and sleep. Ok, let’s be honest here….he was my boy toy and this would be a prime example of a booty call.

As boy toys are prone to do, we drifted apart. I can’t remember if he got bored with me or if I got bored with him. One of us got bored. He worked at the club where the girls and I often went on Saturday nights. It was a big place and I very rarely ran into him. One evening after being at the club, I came home and checked my email before hitting the hay. An msn message popped up from him. The conversation went like this:

Chris: You were at the club tonight.
 Me: Yeah I was. I didn’t see you. How did you know I was there?

Chris: I smelled you.

*crickets*

WHAT? What the hell… he smelled me? I’m thinking to myself … I so do not stink you fucker. Just because we’re not “seeing” each other anymore does not give you the right to lie about me you bastard. You wait until the next time I see you you’re gonna regret that remark. If you think I’m scared of you just because you’re some big bad bouncer you have got another thought coming you son of a bitch I am so goingtokickyourasssixwaysfromSunday.

I answered:

Me: Excuse me? You smelled me?

Chris: Yeah. Have I never told you that? (at this point I’m hyperventilating with anger and yes, mortification) Whatever it is you wear…it smells really good and it’s quite distinctive. You smell really good, you always do. You’re the only person that smells that way. So yeah, I could smell you. I didn’t actually see you, but we must have been in the same area around 12:30 because I could smell that distinct smell…whatever it is you wear.

I used to wear body lotion with ylang ylang. It did have a very distinct smell. But for this guy to be able to pick it out in a CLUB FULL of people. Holy hannah the man was a damn fox hound (in more ways than one). We were indeed in the same area at 12:30 because I had been on the payphone calling a friend, which was also where he was at the time.

I really thought this guy was full of shit and just hoping I’d be flattered and ask him to come over. I didn’t (and don’t) flatter that easily. Two years later my former boss (who was a good friend, female and straight) said to me, “Whatever lotion it is that you wear, you need to stop. It smells so good it makes me want to lick you. I walk into an office and I know if you’ve been there before me because I can smell you.” Huh, I guess my former boy toy wasn’t full of shit after all.

So I used to smell. I do not smell anymore. They discontinued the line about 3 years ago and I have not been able to find the same stuff anywhere else. Trust me, I’ve looked

40 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...
March 8, 2010 at 12:52 PM

That must have been some pretty potent stuff. Bet you could find it on eBay :)

So far, I haven't been picked out of a crowd because of my smell and you know, I think I'm okay with that Lol!

Homesick Cajun said...
March 8, 2010 at 1:29 PM

I went through the same "stage!" I had a friend...we would go out with our friends separately and hardly talk to one another. Then at the end of the night we'd call each other and he'd come and pick me up, we'd go to his house and have some "fun!"

I used to love the "arrangement" we had! Lol..

The lotion sounds amazing! Did you try ebay?

Laura said...
March 8, 2010 at 1:30 PM

All I have to say about this is if and when you ever find that lotion with that stuff in it again. I expect you to let me know where you found it!

singedwingangel said...
March 8, 2010 at 1:30 PM

roflmbo I like you would have been seriously thinking ol' boy done lost his marbles. Don't that tick ya off when they get rid of stuff you like... oh that makes me irate lol..

MindyMom said...
March 8, 2010 at 1:43 PM

Great story! So what was the lotion? Inquiring minds wanna know!

Vinomom said...
March 8, 2010 at 1:52 PM

That is a pretty awesome story. I would be super flattered if some guy told me he smelled me in a crowd of 200 people.

Michelle Pixie said...
March 8, 2010 at 1:56 PM

WoWzer!! You should let us all know what it is so we can help hunt it down for you. It sounds like it was some pretty powerful stuff...I don't ever recall anyone ever telling me they've wanted to lick me! Maybe you should write the company?!

The Only Girl said...
March 8, 2010 at 2:03 PM

Intriguing. Maybe if we all signed a petition we could get them to start making it again. Clearly it's a secret female weapon that we all must have.

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...
March 8, 2010 at 2:20 PM

HA!! Too funny ... really, it would feel sort of strange to have someone lean in close for a sniff!

BigSis said...
March 8, 2010 at 2:30 PM

That's funny! It reminds me of my son telling me "The cat smells like Aunt B" after she had been over and holding the cat.

Terry said...
March 8, 2010 at 2:36 PM

Funny..I've gotten those reactions before yet all i wear is Eternity....
Would like a bit of that lotion, though!!

Meagan@Megs7827 said...
March 8, 2010 at 3:02 PM

I had an ex that used to sniff a blanket that smelled like the lotion I used.

Linda Medrano said...
March 8, 2010 at 3:12 PM

I love this! I used to use Ms. Dior lotion and top it off with a spray of Krizia. I didn't smell like anyone else, but I may have smelled! A tad too heavy probably! LOL.

Boy toys are great! You are entitled! Smile!

Mrsblogalot said...
March 8, 2010 at 3:22 PM

Somebody has to have it! I'm on a mission now.

Yankee Girl said...
March 8, 2010 at 3:30 PM

That is amazing! No one has ever told me they wanted to lick me before. That scent must have been addicting.


Boy toys were fun, weren't they?

Angie said...
March 8, 2010 at 3:37 PM

=O

Holy Cow! I wish they still made that stuff! While I was reading I was thinking - she HAS to tell us where to get it!

Damn.

Great story though!

Too funny your former boss said she wanted to lick you!

sarah @ i run with scissors said...
March 8, 2010 at 3:48 PM

That is a great story... I can't say that a co-worker has ever said they wanted to "lick me". Maybe it's because at work I smell like fuel. But it also has a distinct smell.

Love the story, and you so need to track down some more of that lotion. Or not... depends if you like co-workers wanting to lick you and bouncers sniffing you out of a crowd.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
March 8, 2010 at 4:09 PM

Well, that is about the wierdest shit ever. I don't know if it would make me happy to know that I left my scent or if I would be creeped out.

Shandal said...
March 8, 2010 at 4:26 PM

Sounded like a Twilight story... LOL Maybe him and your old boss are vampires...

MiMi said...
March 8, 2010 at 4:36 PM

Damn, was he part werewolf? Sheeite.
Well, now that I think about it, you are 28, so this was actually last year...so 2009 right??

Raoulysgirl said...
March 8, 2010 at 6:30 PM

I think I would have decked him before we got to the part where he explained himself!!!

Seriously, though...I was taking my mom to an appointment at the hospital. The nice old volunteer dude looked friendly...until he leaned over the desk and sniffed and said "You smell marvelous." Kind of creeped me out a little bit...ok...a lot. My scent of choice is floral and heavy on the gardenia...but my lotion contains ylang ylang and patchouli. I think it's the combination of the two (perfume and lotion) that got to his dusty old brain. In any case, I avoid him at all costs whenever making a trip to THAT office!

jessalyn said...
March 8, 2010 at 7:14 PM

i think i need that lotion. i am so sad they don't make it anymore. that could be fun.
and i miss that phase (don't tell my bf haha) ;)

and i totally thought i had been following you all along and apparently i hadn't!! so i am now, and i am sorry that i have been an unfollowing jerkface! :)

Aunt Juicebox said...
March 8, 2010 at 9:17 PM

You know what? My dad used to have a friend name Shorty who always complimented me on my smell. He always said he said such an acute sense, he could even tell you if a woman was on her period because he could smell it. Sick? Yeah, but true. I can also smell things other people can't, and I'll tell you what, my damn sense of hearing is enough to make a person crazy. I had hoped that listening to loud piping and drumming would deafen me a little, but so far, nada.

Respectfully Yours said...
March 8, 2010 at 11:41 PM

I loved this post. It was so honest and fun. What a lovely compliment he gave you. I hope you find that lotion again. That is a bummer to get so many compliments and can't find it. Good luck. Have a great week.

Kaylen said...
March 9, 2010 at 3:18 AM

Love this story.
I need a boytoy bouncer who tells me he can smell me in a club.

I work in HR and I'm quite certain that the words "it makes me want to lick you" should never ever be said...

Alex said...
March 9, 2010 at 6:29 AM

That's excellent!

Confession...
My best pick up line/thing when I was drunk, young and stupid was to walk up to impossibly good looking men (far too old for me) and smell their neck and say "I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself".

Worked everytime. Men are stupid.

Secretia said...
March 9, 2010 at 9:05 AM

Where can I buy some of that "Makes me want to lick you" lotion? Price Club? Vice Club?

Secretia

Sandra said...
March 9, 2010 at 10:09 AM

There's a guy here at work who I "smell" before I see him. It is a very toxicating smell and I really like it....
I can tell when he has passed through the office :)

Kat said...
March 9, 2010 at 10:16 AM

My sister is the same way and so was my mother...I still have some of my mom's Youth Dew. In fact, if I wear it, my son says, "I smell Grama Mary..." :) It think it's nice :)

Danielle said...
March 9, 2010 at 10:57 AM

This post reminded me of myself in my playa days. The whole oats thing and the smell thing. Love it!

JennyMac said...
March 9, 2010 at 1:20 PM

They stopped making this powerful nectar? Damn.

And I thought it was going somewhere good as soon as I read "I smelled you." lol.

June said...
March 9, 2010 at 4:30 PM

I'm with everyone else - I want me some of that lotion!!!

What was the name of it? Do you know who the manufacturer was? I wonder if you could find this made by an all "natural" company that infuses ylang ylang into the lotion.
I used to have a bottle of massage oil that had ylang ylang in it.

gayle said...
March 9, 2010 at 11:54 PM

Don't you hate when "they" stop making things we really love!!

Eternally Distracted said...
March 10, 2010 at 4:30 AM

I soooo need to find me the stuff that makes random people want to lick me. Ooooo I pray that it is lurking on some Middle Eastern shelf somewhere. I must, must have it...

and calling him Chris 'because that's him name' made me pee a little!!

;0)

Daffy said...
March 10, 2010 at 10:30 AM

Damnit all to hell! I want to smell lickable....

I think we're all entitled to some shallow years....and that's not just because I took a few myself....or maybe it is.

Corrie Howe said...
March 10, 2010 at 10:44 PM

I agree. Some people have that wonderful smell. And smells do invoke good (or bad) memories.

~J said...
March 12, 2010 at 3:08 PM

HA!! I was skurred for you there for a second..I thought this was gonna go a whole other direction..lol!

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T!nK said...
March 14, 2010 at 6:46 AM

hahahahahaha! "I want to lick you."

cute.