Can Open....Hello Worms

Well, I've done it. After 8 years and having to get a prosthetic tongue from biting it so much in my dealings with SWSNBN- I have openly pissed her. I feel as though the apocalypse is about to start. Curiously, another feeling I have, is relief. I feel as though a weight has been lifted. I feel as though I have finally stood up to the classroom bully.

In my Swine post, I outlined the argument over vaccines. It was never really resolved and last week was the first week in over seven years I have not received an email from SWSNBN regaling me with some story of her wonderful mom prowess.  I knew she was upset that I was making an executive decision regarding the vaccines. No, not upset - she was pissed. I mean c'mon - how dare I, right? How dare I decide on matters involving my childrens health without deferring to her. Take me now and burn me at the damn stake for my audacity people!!!

I had sent her an email on Thursday asking her to send the boys school newsletters home. Let me explain why I had to do this. The children get off the bus at their father's. She ensures that all school notices are left there for their father to read. This is about control, it has very little to do with keeping their father informed. For some reason, the school newsletters never make it back into the kitbags and into my place. I don't give a shit, it's all online and I make a point of checking it. In her mind, having the news from school and keeping it from me, gives her one up on me. She is then able to email me at 4:00 on the day Nora or one of the boys is supposed to be at an activity and say, "Oh by the way.....they'll be later, or I just got back from such and such or whatever" Anyway, she did not email me back. Not a word, nor have I seen the newsletters (which were not put online this month for some reason, hence my asking for them) The radio silence on her end confirms the fact that she is UPSET with me.

We now interrupt this regularly scheduled program to allow Dual Mom to have a stroke. The emails are coming in from her as I sit writing this post. Wait until I show them to you, I'm so glad I can entertain you folks this fine morning.

So driving the kids to school this morning I'm mumbling to myself about a dentist appointment Nora and Jimmy have tomorrow afternoon. Ex knows the appointment is coming up as I had asked him (two weeks ago) if his mother could take the kids to it (she often has Wednesday off). She couldn't so I told him I would get the time off work. Case closed. Monty pipes up and says, "SWSNBN is getting her mother to take them to the appointment". 

I'll give you a moment to allow that to digest. I do not even need to tell you all the things wrong with this.
I arrive at work and send this:

Hi SWSNBN:

Monty told me this morning you have made plans to have your mother take the kids to their dentist tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know that I have this taken care of and will be picking them up.

Also, Jimmy is home sick today. I'm not sure if he's actually sick or just didn't feel like going to school. If he is actually sick I'll be canceling the appointment anyway.

Just thought I would let you know, would hate to have your mother show up to their schools and them not be there!

Talk soon
Dual Mom

 
I'm seething while writing this but think I managed to be respectful and polite, right?
 
I get this back not two minutes later:
 
Fine
 
Mom took them before so I figured it was easier as we all work.
 
So all the kids are are going to miss school?
 
There's no opening salutation, there's no closing, she is PISSED at me. This is NOT how she commicates with me. Her emails are generally so long and drawn out that I'm ready to drive a sharp instrument into my jugular by the time I finish reading them just to make the pain stop.
 
I reply with this:
 
I kept Jimmy home today. The other two are gone to school. As I said, I'm not 100% sure that he is in fact sick but didn't want to send him to school just in case.
 
I had no idea you had made plans for your mom to take them so I already cancelled two meetings and made arrangements to be out of  the office tomorrow afternoon.
 
Dual Mom
 
Her reply:
 
And FYI
I did not make plans. Ex wanted me to ask her as Nanny (Ex's mother) has to work.
 
Trying to make easy for everyone.
 
My response:
 
SWSNBN - I get the distinct impression you're upset with me. My intention here is not to upset anyone. Ex should have communicated this to me. I had no idea he had made these plans, but that's a discussion I'll have with Ex.
 
I appreciate you trying to make things easy! I really do.
 
Dual Mom
 
Then I get this:
 
I am sorry but you made it sound as though I had made these plans all on my own.
I just wanted to clear it up as it was Ex's decision to call Mom.
As long as they get there, I am happy. Nora is probably going to need her tooth out as well. It is growing in crooked.
I think you should call Ex as we all feel that the kids should have the H1N1 vaccination.
All of us in the house are getting it, even Ex. You can discuss that with him.
 
So obviously we both have our back up and just need to calm down, right? It was Ex that instigated the call to her mother. What I find ironic is that she can inform me my daughter has a crooked tooth (obviously I've lost my eyesight and can not see this for myself) but she can't inform me she has asked her mother to take my kids to the dentist? What's up with that? I'm ready to start biting my prosthetic tongue again and let sleeping dogs lie when I get this:
 
Oh.
 
I phoned the school today to let them know I will pick up Nora after school.
She has homework club today so I will pick her up at 4:00. 
 
Please excuse me while I go bang my fucking head against a wall just to make the insanity stop. DID WE JUST NOT SPEND THE LAST HOUR TALKING ABOUT THIS EXACT THING!?!?!?
 
Please dear interneters, help me make sense of this. My instinct is to lose my shit and just go ballistic on her ass. To what end though?  She obviously doesn't get it...
 
Teetering on the edge....
Dual Mom

To Swine...or not to Swine

Why am I arguing with another woman over whether or not my children receive the H1N1vaccination?

Today's email:

Dual Mom -

The kids brought home permission slips to get the flu vaccines next week. I will sign them and return them to the schools tomorrow. Just thought I should let you know as they will be with you and there could be mild side affects.

SWSNBN

Let's just pause a moment while my head spins around like the damn exorcist. She can't be fucking serious? Is my anger justified here? Am I being unreasonable? This is just wrong on so many levels, isn't it? I have asked her (very nicely) on three occassions over the past 8 years not to sign anything without first discussing it with me. The first time this happened (four years ago)was when she put her contact information on the registration form for Nora that the school sends out at the beginning of the year. Not a big deal as Ex is impossible to reach during the day. But she "forgot" to include my contact information on the form. The secretary at the school caught it and called me at work. My kids attend a consolidated school (K-9) so I have had children in this school for for 11 years. The poor woman knows our situation and was trying to be as diplomatic as possible, all the while knowing she was probably adding fuel to an already fearsome fire.

There is nothing in my life that makes me angrier than this woman trying to erase me from my children's lives. Why? She must know intellectually that she can't do it. It's not possible, my children love me. I love them, I'm not a neglectful mother, my children aren't starving for affection. I fully accept that she loves them. I accept it. So why can't she accept that she's never going to replace me?

Here's my response to her email (after my head stopped spinning on my shoulders):

SWSNBN:
I was actually going to call Ex regarding this. I do not want the children vaccinated. They have never had the flu vaccine, all three are in excellent health, and it has been at least 3  years since any of them have gotten the flu. Please do not sign the permission forms.

If either you or Ex would like to discuss this with me please give me a call this evening at home.

Have a good day!
Dual Mom

Not ten minutes later I got this:

Dual Mom -

You don't want them to get vaccinated? Have you heard how severe this flu can be? I don't think that is the most responsible decision to make. I know I do not want to get deatly sick from catching the flu from one of the kids. I know Ex agrees with me on this.

SWSNBN

Can you imagine how angry I am by this point. So now I'm irresponsible. That's excellent, I'm glad she let me know because here I was thinking I's all grown up and stuff. She seems to know alot, doesn't she? Ex must have changed his views alot on vaccinations since we seperated. She forgets that I was married to the man. I wonder does she realize that one of the biggest fights we ever had was over vaccinating Monty when he was a baby? He forbid me to do it, I told him to blow it out his ass that I was not taking the chance of my child dying from measles. All three kids were vaccinated as babies.

My reply:

SWSNBN
While I fully appreciate your desire not to get sick, I have to point out that if you intend to get the vaccine yourself, and the vaccine does what it is touted to do, you will not get sick. It will not matter if the kids spend a week barfing all over you! haha If you are concerned about the children being sick while with you and Ex I can assure you that I will be more than happy to take them into my place and nurse them back to health. I have at least a week of vacation days left over that I can take at any time. As stated in my previous email, I do not feel comfortable giving them this vaccine when they are perfectly healthy. Yes, I have indeed heard the horror stories the media so gleefully reports on. However, I will reiterate - IF they had a compromised immune system or were prone to illness I would not hesitate to vaccinate them. They are not. I am not comfortable giving my children a vaccine that has not had extensive human trials. I'll be more than happy to copy the research I've done on the vaccine to provide you with more information. I must stress here SWSNBN that you do not have my consent to sign these permission forms.

Again, I would be more than happy to discuss this further with you and Ex. Please give me a call this evening.
Dual Mom

What I wanted to say:

Dearest SWSNBN
Fuck off .
Thanks and have a great day!
Dual Mom

I spent the rest of the day angry at the world. Not only because she basically called me an idiot but also because I allowed her to make me angry. Someday, someday I will learn how to be the bigger person, won't I? Oh yeah, and no call yet from either one of them. The flu will be the least of her damn problems if she signs those slips.....

Communication Part Trois

Hello Dual Mom
If you get a chance tonight, call the house after the interview. We are quite interested to hear what she has to say this time as I am sure it will not be great. If you can not, send me an email tomorrow. I wish there was some way we could get to the bottom of it. He just reminds me of a child with Attention Deficit Disorder. He has no attention span at all. One minute he wants something and then he forgets all about it. He bullies the other 2 quite a bit. I also noticed that when he is learning, one minute he is great and then he forgets it all. These are all the signs. It does run in the family as xxx had it when he was younger. Poor (Ex's aunt) had to make 5 trips to different Doctors before she had him diagnosed. Every one of them said there was nothing wrong. Finally, the last one diagnosed him and gave him medicine and he graduated with honors.Imagine that! I know he struggles and I really think there is a reason behind it all. He can learn when he wants to. Have you ever noticed him talk about History, he absolutely loves it.

Then again, it could be a lot of things that is the cause of it. I could understand his home life bothering him when he was younger. It must have been very hard for him to have his parents splitting up like that and then a new girl shows up and R too. But, that should not be an issue now. He has a pretty good life from what I can see. He has the best of both worlds!
I will be going home very shortly . If you do happen to call the house tonight and you are talking to Ex, send me an email tomorrow anyway. Sometimes poor Ex doesn't repeat the story as he should. I would rather hear it from you LOL.
Talk soon
SWSNBN

This whole email made me lose my shit. And I cannot determine whether that's what she intended or if she's just insensitive. First off, Monty does not have ADD. Though SWSNBN would like everyone to think otherwise, she is by no means an expert on ADD and has been around ONE child in her life who has been diagnosed as ADD. I do not believe in medicating children because they are too damn lazy to do their schoolwork. I fully realize there are parents out there that believe this is the best thing for their child. That is their choice and I do not question it. I do NOT believe it will ever be the best choice for my children. So piss off SWSNBN with your armchair diagnosis.
Second, his home life?????? HIS fucking home life, how dare she talk about his home life when she started having sleepovers with the EX ONE MONTH AFTER I MOVED OUT. Can you tell I'm just a tad bit sensitive about this? What is that shit? Is she making a dig? Is that what it is? Is she trying to say I permanently fucked up my son by leaving a really bad marriage? I get that I could be just really sensitive about this.
This email exchange was 2 years ago (yes I kept it ... I'm a loser). Monty is now in gr11, he hates school, he gets by by the skin of his teeth and does minimal work. My rant on public education is a post for another time. He does not have ADD. The child would rather be playing with an old car than learning about Georgraphy. It is only because he's deathly afraid of his father and I that he's still in school. His father quit school in grade 11 and Monty likes to argue with me that his father has done ok. I argue that I have higher expectations than OK for my son.
So tell me blogger world, am I too sensitive when it comes to this woman?
Wait until I tell you about the time she felt the need to remind me that my daughter's birthday was coming up......

Communication Part Deux

My response to SWSNBN's email:

Thanks SWSNBN, I know you really do a lot to try and get him to where he's supposed to be and make sure that things are getting done and helping him with projects and stuff, so thank you for that. Short of doing the work ourselves....I don't know what more we can do. It's just...he doesn't care...and I don't know how you make a kid care about school. I was furious when I got off the phone last night...and I told him there was no tv for the next month and no concert, because I did tell him that I would take him to the concert if his dad would let him come in with me on that Friday night. I knew you guys had plans to go to xxx and couldn't shell out money for more concert tickets. And you're right, he wants to go desperately. I'll see what the teacher says on Thursday evening.
Dual Mom

See!!! Look how nice I am, I THANK HER for her help. She helps, I fully admit that. Ok, again can't copy into this post. Check out the next post where it all goes to hell in a handbasket with one simple sentence from SWSHBN.........ohh yi yi

Communication

I think I am pretty fair when it comes to communicating with Ex. What I have a problem with is Ex prefers to leave the communicating to SWSNBN. He has his reasons for this, it's difficult to get in touch with him during the day, plus he doesn't like to talk. I'm serious when I say that. So I try....I try so hard to be the bigger person and allow him his preferred method of communication....see email below from me.


SWSNBN-
Can you let Ex know I got a call from Monty's teacher last night. Apparently he's not doing his math homework and on Monday he passed in a science lab that she immediately returned to him because it was unacceptable. He also had some sort of "myth" due today. She posted this myth on the homework site yesterday and it was due today. It's not done, I didn't check the homework site yesterday and she called me at 9:00 last night. Of course he didn't tell me that he had to do this. Anyway, I'll deal with that this evening or maybe she'll make him do it after school today. She did make him stay in yesterday to do the math he hadn't done. He told me on Monday and again last night that he had done his homework before I picked them up, I'm obviously going to have to stop falling for that line.
Anyway, just thought I would let Ex know that the #1 son is at it again.:0) Parent teacher interviews are on Thursday night so I'll let Ex know how that goes. Honestly, I'm just ready to choke the kid.....
Thanks
Dual Mom

That's a nice, cordial email, right? I'm communicating, being friendly, no ulterior motive. Just trying to get everyone on the same page with regard to Monty's schoolwork. I get this response from SWSNBN:

Dual Mom
He will never learn
He wanted to go to the concert and I really would have taken him, but I told him he would really have to pull up his socks first. He told me yesterday that you may take him. Maybe that is another threat for him, unless he picks it up he is not going. We had already got our xxx tickets and they were $150. He loves xxx so much but he is not showing any improvement at all.
When I got home yesterday, he was sitting at the table doing homework. I can vouch for that, but he finished soon after I came in. Ex is not very good with the school stuff and if you ever want me to go with you to the interviews let me know. It is me that helps with homework and projects. Ex usually only helps out with the easy stuff, like spellings and reading.
I will pick him up today and I will let Ex know that he is back to his old tricks.
SWSNBN

Total adult communication right? She's trying to be helpful and engaged. I chuckle at the line "Ex is not very good with school stuff" (actually I laugh my ass off at this).  Gee do ya think? Am I being bitchy when I ask myself "Why the hell would I need her to come to parent teacher interviews with me"?
My response in the next post, blogger won't let me copy and paste anymore into this one....what's up with that?