Let's All Hold Hands

Brought to you exclusively by Dual Mom on
Okay first off, it would appear when you talk about penises (penii? can someone please clarify) and cunts you get new followers. Also, women like talking about penis.

So hi new followers.

For the newbies here is a point form bio:

  • 36 year old mother of three who doesn't really fit into any "box"
  • kids are almost 18, 15 and 11 and though I leave them on doorsteps and make them push my car out of the mud, I do love them, like alot.
  • I work hard, I play harder
  • I have an Ex who spends most conversations with me just shaking his head - he never did "get" me
  • Ex has a girlfriend who has lived with him for 7 or 8 years. On a regular basis I find myself wishing terrible things on her, like raging STD's. I aspire to being a better person, really I do.
  • Oh my god, how could I forget...I curse.
  • Current relationship status - you know on facebook how they have "it's complicated" and when people use that as their relationship status you think to yourself, "Who the hell are you kidding, how complicated can it be ya drama queen?". Yeah mine...it's complicated.
  • Likes include wine, good friends, food, coffee, laughing, summer, shoes, wine, blogging (obvious), reading, sparkly things, when my kids say inappropriate things, did I mention wine?
  • Dislikes include bad hair days, fugly shoes, snow, stupid people, mosquitoes, june bugs, sullen teenagers, my ass, rotten bananas.
  • I'm not religious, I'm not political. Both make me want to gouge my eyes out. Religion is the cause of far too many civil wars. Politics is the cause of both world wars. How is either a good thing? It's the last time you'll ever hear me mention either on my blog. Having said that, (wouldn't want to start a riot two days in a row) some of the people I love most in real life are both religious and political. Bygones.
Anything else you want/need to know. Just ask. Seriously I'd love to answer your questions because I'm a bit of a narcissist. Don't be shy. Shy people don't last long around here.

To everyone who has stood up for me over the past two days, I have one thing to say...where the hell were you when I was getting the snot kicked out of me on a regular basis in junior high?

Seriously, thank you. I feel loved. To honor your loyalty I plan to toast each of you with a glass of wine to this weekend. It will be an ordeal to drink that much wine, really it will, but that's a cross I'm willing to bear for you. Feel special.

And can I just say one more thing? Thank fuck it's Friday.

38 comments:

June said...
March 26, 2010 at 10:21 AM

Who's driving you home tonight, my dear?
I will toast to you this weekend when I have a chance to share your past couple posts with Ward...he loves when I tell him about penis posts!

Have a great weekend.

Aunt Juicebox said...
March 26, 2010 at 10:24 AM

I would have defended you in junior high! Hehe. Now that I know we both have smelly coozes, it seems that much more predestined that we should be friends! Just one more thing in common! ;)

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...
March 26, 2010 at 10:25 AM

Well, now that's NOT a starter penis! I have to say you are the classiest person I know!

Sandra said...
March 26, 2010 at 10:29 AM

Hey, I had issues in Junior High too! Darn big city kids picked on me all the time cause I came from a small town. I hate Stoopid people too!

I liked Kat's "Blogfia" post - that was hillarious.

Sarah With Scissors said...
March 26, 2010 at 10:37 AM

I would have totally defended ya in Junior High... although I was such an awkward kid I probably would have found a way to lock myself in the lockers. Oh well, we all found each other now.

Laura said...
March 26, 2010 at 10:55 AM

Anytime ya need defending I'll be here

Logical Libby said...
March 26, 2010 at 11:10 AM

All of us stinky cunts have to stick together... And you have an 18 YEAR OLD????

~J said...
March 26, 2010 at 11:16 AM

What? Did I miss out on defending your honor? Cuz nobody wants beef with a girl with big fake boobs...okay, maybe they do.

Love you, love your blog...keep doing what you do best! Smooches!

Secretia said...
March 26, 2010 at 11:33 AM

Kids are at their cruelestin the junior high schools.

Secretia

Mrsblogalot said...
March 26, 2010 at 11:35 AM

wow! That's going to be a lot of drinking.

You are awesome!!!! Enjoy!!!!!

The Only Girl said...
March 26, 2010 at 11:37 AM

See? There's always a silver lining to every cloud. Please note that "cloud" was also a "c" word. Here's hoping you get another follower or two out of that one! ;-)

singedwingangel said...
March 26, 2010 at 11:44 AM

Hey I used to sell a model that size, it was supposed to be a door stop gag gift thing, but there was once one girl who was WAAAAY to excited about it and that scurred me a little lol...I woulda defended ya in Jr high hun..

adrienzgirl said...
March 26, 2010 at 11:53 AM

You know that it was my pleasure to have your back right?

I LOVE YOU! I am so glad that so many people have found you because you definitely need to share that snark with everyone! I guess it was inevitable that I couldn't keep you to myself for very long!

MWAH!

Yankee Girl said...
March 26, 2010 at 12:05 PM

I own brass knuckles. I'll fight for you any day of the week!

And yes, thank FUCK IT'S FRIDAY!

Ian said...
March 26, 2010 at 12:05 PM

There's one thing you need to add to the list.

"Don't fuck with me and I'll play nice"

Jules said...
March 26, 2010 at 12:16 PM

Sorry about not defending you in middle school. I was in the bathroom making my hair a little larger with my Aquanet. THAT was VERY important to me. Otherwise I would have helped. Really.

Also, I would have defended you yesterday, but I had jury duty. Then a haircut. Obviously my hair is very important.

But I'll try harder from now on. Unless it's a hair cut or color day.

Sammy K said...
March 26, 2010 at 12:19 PM

Damn junior high and all those pain in the ass bullies. I say we find them and kick their ugly asses to the curb.

MindyMom said...
March 26, 2010 at 12:25 PM

OMG girl! I just got caught up on your last few posts. Um...wow.

First off, the starter penis post was fucking hilarious, and I love me some of your blog and would defend you against troll trash anytime. Glad you blocked his teeny-pee-pee though. :)

My Mercurial Nature said...
March 26, 2010 at 1:27 PM

I was busy skipping school and hiding from those wanting to kick the crap outta me. But I'm here now...lets sing.

JennyMac said...
March 26, 2010 at 1:57 PM

Whew...first, I had to recover from seeing that elephants junk. LOL.

And then I had to go back and read the previous two days posts bc apparently my job thinks I should work and NOT read blogs at ALL this week.

I love your wit, sass, and writing. Other people who want to call names and not try to see your point who then want to drop the C word on you, well, they can suck it. And I am referring to the elephant.

Erin said...
March 26, 2010 at 2:33 PM

We could've been besties in junior high b/c I was getting my ass kicked too. We would have had each other's backs. And I'd probably not be taking so much medication now. LOL!!!

;-)

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
March 26, 2010 at 3:21 PM

I was a little bit of a bitch in jr high. So, I'm SORRY to everyone who wants to kick my ass now for it. I had major hormones flying through my body and it made me super bitchy.

We love you, Dual Mom.

Danielle said...
March 26, 2010 at 3:39 PM

I wonder if that elephant has a girlfriend. I am single!

Tiffany said...
March 26, 2010 at 4:12 PM

yes, i believe i heard about the starter penis uproar on the 11 o'clock news in a 'this just in...' sort of fashion.

it's hilarious to me that people get all up on their high horse about someone else's blog--if you don't like it, don't read it!!!

geez...happy wkend to you!

Mae Rae said...
March 26, 2010 at 5:53 PM

when you were in jr high I was in college burying myself in books...BWAA HA HA or something like that. NOT! okay, i could not see you through my blurred visions...but I am here for you now!

Lluvia said...
March 26, 2010 at 8:38 PM

thanks for all that info! i'm a new follower and you can thank Zgirl Brandee for that! I keep politics off my blog, but my faith does get mentioned once in a while. don't shove down on anyone's throat though. ;)

Anonymous said...
March 26, 2010 at 9:43 PM

Penis and cunt are your friends in blog world. I'm telling you.. it draws em like flies on honey. For even more followers be sure and include the words..GREAT SEX WITH FLIES.. You would be shocked to see how many people actually google things like that.. then follow you.. ha ha..

THE QUEEN

Linda Medrano said...
March 26, 2010 at 10:11 PM

Amen Little Sister!

Menopausal New Mom said...
March 27, 2010 at 12:19 AM

Wow! Just when I thought I was getting to know you, there's more! Would love to help you drink that wine this weekend if the hubs wasn't working Lol!

Have a good one!

Eternally Distracted said...
March 27, 2010 at 10:37 AM

I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU CAN SAY FUCK AND CUNT HERE. I WOULD ALSO HAVE GOT THE FUCKING CUNTS WHO KICKED YOU IN SCHOOL...

Didn't mean to shout but couldn't be fucking bothered to switch off the caps ;0)))

Alex said...
March 27, 2010 at 4:43 PM

I would have stood up for you in school...talked a bit of trash and skidaddled the fudge outta there. Some men are wankers...no, really they are...

MiMi said...
March 27, 2010 at 5:45 PM

I saw a horse dong once and it scared me.

The Blue Zoo said...
March 27, 2010 at 6:19 PM

Love your likes and dislikes! Cracked me up!

Taylorvillegirl said...
March 27, 2010 at 6:36 PM

I will defend your snarky, sassy ass anytime. I totally would've had your back in junior high too, but I'm kind of a chickenshit. I talk big, and then I run. Fast.

Michelle Pixie said...
March 28, 2010 at 9:26 PM

You are a fantabulous!!! ;-)

Shandal said...
March 29, 2010 at 12:09 PM

Holy shiz... I thought that the elephant was deformed and had a 5th gimpy leg at first... wow.

Angelia said...
March 31, 2010 at 12:01 PM

I find myself wishing raging STDs on the Ex. He couldn't get a girlfriend if his starter penis depended on it.

You are seriously funny.