Holy Blogging Batman

What's in a number?

I'm not a stick to it kind of person. You see, my brain has a tendency to work much faster than any human body possibly could, unless of course I was Iron Man or Superman. But if I had a preference I would defiinetly be Iron Man...only with better shoes. See what I mean, see how easily I'm led down the garden path? What was my point? Oh yeah...my lack of sticktoitness.  I have a tendency to come up with really braniac awesome ideas and after a day or two they bore me. I guess that's my problem, I get bored easily. At last count I had 46 unfinished knitting projects in my closet. In May, I'll go out and buy HUNDREDS of dollars worth of flowers and plant half of them, leaving the other half to wither and die in the sun. Hell, I would have given the kids away long ago if society didn't frown on that sort of thing. So I find it absolutely unbelieveable that this is my 100th post.
I could tell you 100 things about me but I'd you would get bored around number 27.

So what shall I do to commemorate this monumental occassion?

Anyone?

I could post a pic of me but that scares me.

My first post was October 17, 2009, almost 5 months ago. I received my first comment on that post a week after I posted it, from Aunt Juicebox. I immediately shit myself and was tempted to ask AJ to marry me but realized neither of us is a lesbian so that probably would be a doomed relationship. It amazes me that people read my mindless blatherings. No, I'm not being bashful. It amazes me. Half the time I think, "Are they making fun of me?"  Do ya think I have issues? Me? Scoff... I could tell you what being bullied in Junior High does to a person`s psyche...I mean bullied like coming home with a black eye bullied. If your kid is a bully, punch them in the throat, starve them on a regular basis and tell them to fuck off. It fucks kids up well into adulthood to have things like that happen to them. See...off I go again.

For hell`s sake could someone please keep me on track.

Last week I received another comment on that first post, from My Mercurial Nature. She stated:

I started reading and soon realized I should start at the beginning. Thank you for a great, funny, child-sharing (which mirrors my life in a few ways), blog! It is the first of its' kind that I've found, enjoyed, and ignored my kids over. Love that!

Blows my mind that people would ignore their kids to read this stuff. Then I think of how little it takes to make me ignore my kids and well....sigh.

ToniB was my second commentor. Anyone that reads her knows that she has been on hiatus for the last forever and I would bitch slap her if I could. Then I got this comment from her a few days ago:

As I was reading, I was thinking, "She needs a hairdryer!" Thank fuck you found one! Ha!

Thank fuck indeed, and thank fuck you`re back. (And I totally just broke a promise to myself not to swear in this post)

Queen of Feisty (or Fesity as she was for a LONG time) was the third commenter.

Then on Dec 2 I posted my Oxymoron Much post. I received this comment from Zgirl:

Oh you fucking suck. That was a triple dog dare if I ever heard one. Fuck! YOU SUCK! Big Harry Monkey Balls.



DAMN! I am in. And, I hate you.

And I fell in love again. How could I not?

Then I fell in love again (yes I`m a whore)...with Noelle:

god dammit. this is my first time here (adrienzgirl sent me) and i already don't like you. dammit, dammit, dammit. i had to go outside and smoke before i could reply...i had to ponder what my response would be. i had to decide...do i want to get off my ass and walk? do i want to eat healthy? do i want to buy new clothes? no, no, yes. whatever. i'm in...i guess

And then there was Mad Woman, and Gun Diva, Tink, Duckalicious  (my whoreness kicked in and I fell in love with her too), Vinomom, Kat, Monique Surferwife, Lee, and on and on and on. If I haven't named you personally it's not because I don't love you, it's because I've drank too much wine and listing all of you is too much for my alcohol laden brain. How 'bout I just send you money?
And I found this world, that accepted me. Accepted my tendency to swear like a truck stop whore, my tendeny to be self-effacing, my mom fails, my life fails, the good with the bad. You don't judge, you don't  ask if I`ve lost my mind (though I`m sure you wonder), you don't ask why I did one thing instead of another. You just accept. I need to tell all of you, that acceptance, it means more to me than I could ever express to you using words from the english language. Perhaps if I spoke swahili...

Now I have a secret to share with you. No one in my real life knows about this. I`m going to write. According to my Mum I was seven the first time I said that. I`m 36 now. I would say it`s about time. So I`m going to write a personal essay and submit it here. I throw up in my mouth just thinking about it.

Here`s where you come in. I have two stories in mind. My mother`s death was a harrowing experience. I fought for 19 days with medical professionals to simply allow my mother to die. Death is not simple. I would like to write a personal story about euthanasia in today`s society. The second story....two weeks after I left my husband I went to Amsterdam and fell in love/lust. I left that love 7 days later. It didn`t end there. I think I need to write that story. Which one would you rather read and who wants to be my editor?

How dysfunctional is this post anyway? Hell, it's my party and I'll be dysfunctional if I wanna.....

Cheers, to each and everyone of you. Thank you, for allowing me to be me.