Holy Blogging Batman

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What's in a number?

I'm not a stick to it kind of person. You see, my brain has a tendency to work much faster than any human body possibly could, unless of course I was Iron Man or Superman. But if I had a preference I would defiinetly be Iron Man...only with better shoes. See what I mean, see how easily I'm led down the garden path? What was my point? Oh yeah...my lack of sticktoitness.  I have a tendency to come up with really braniac awesome ideas and after a day or two they bore me. I guess that's my problem, I get bored easily. At last count I had 46 unfinished knitting projects in my closet. In May, I'll go out and buy HUNDREDS of dollars worth of flowers and plant half of them, leaving the other half to wither and die in the sun. Hell, I would have given the kids away long ago if society didn't frown on that sort of thing. So I find it absolutely unbelieveable that this is my 100th post.
I could tell you 100 things about me but I'd you would get bored around number 27.

So what shall I do to commemorate this monumental occassion?


I could post a pic of me but that scares me.

My first post was October 17, 2009, almost 5 months ago. I received my first comment on that post a week after I posted it, from Aunt Juicebox. I immediately shit myself and was tempted to ask AJ to marry me but realized neither of us is a lesbian so that probably would be a doomed relationship. It amazes me that people read my mindless blatherings. No, I'm not being bashful. It amazes me. Half the time I think, "Are they making fun of me?"  Do ya think I have issues? Me? Scoff... I could tell you what being bullied in Junior High does to a person`s psyche...I mean bullied like coming home with a black eye bullied. If your kid is a bully, punch them in the throat, starve them on a regular basis and tell them to fuck off. It fucks kids up well into adulthood to have things like that happen to them. See...off I go again.

For hell`s sake could someone please keep me on track.

Last week I received another comment on that first post, from My Mercurial Nature. She stated:

I started reading and soon realized I should start at the beginning. Thank you for a great, funny, child-sharing (which mirrors my life in a few ways), blog! It is the first of its' kind that I've found, enjoyed, and ignored my kids over. Love that!

Blows my mind that people would ignore their kids to read this stuff. Then I think of how little it takes to make me ignore my kids and well....sigh.

ToniB was my second commentor. Anyone that reads her knows that she has been on hiatus for the last forever and I would bitch slap her if I could. Then I got this comment from her a few days ago:

As I was reading, I was thinking, "She needs a hairdryer!" Thank fuck you found one! Ha!

Thank fuck indeed, and thank fuck you`re back. (And I totally just broke a promise to myself not to swear in this post)

Queen of Feisty (or Fesity as she was for a LONG time) was the third commenter.

Then on Dec 2 I posted my Oxymoron Much post. I received this comment from Zgirl:

Oh you fucking suck. That was a triple dog dare if I ever heard one. Fuck! YOU SUCK! Big Harry Monkey Balls.

DAMN! I am in. And, I hate you.

And I fell in love again. How could I not?

Then I fell in love again (yes I`m a whore)...with Noelle:

god dammit. this is my first time here (adrienzgirl sent me) and i already don't like you. dammit, dammit, dammit. i had to go outside and smoke before i could reply...i had to ponder what my response would be. i had to decide...do i want to get off my ass and walk? do i want to eat healthy? do i want to buy new clothes? no, no, yes. whatever. i'm in...i guess

And then there was Mad Woman, and Gun Diva, Tink, Duckalicious  (my whoreness kicked in and I fell in love with her too), Vinomom, Kat, Monique Surferwife, Lee, and on and on and on. If I haven't named you personally it's not because I don't love you, it's because I've drank too much wine and listing all of you is too much for my alcohol laden brain. How 'bout I just send you money?
And I found this world, that accepted me. Accepted my tendency to swear like a truck stop whore, my tendeny to be self-effacing, my mom fails, my life fails, the good with the bad. You don't judge, you don't  ask if I`ve lost my mind (though I`m sure you wonder), you don't ask why I did one thing instead of another. You just accept. I need to tell all of you, that acceptance, it means more to me than I could ever express to you using words from the english language. Perhaps if I spoke swahili...

Now I have a secret to share with you. No one in my real life knows about this. I`m going to write. According to my Mum I was seven the first time I said that. I`m 36 now. I would say it`s about time. So I`m going to write a personal essay and submit it here. I throw up in my mouth just thinking about it.

Here`s where you come in. I have two stories in mind. My mother`s death was a harrowing experience. I fought for 19 days with medical professionals to simply allow my mother to die. Death is not simple. I would like to write a personal story about euthanasia in today`s society. The second story....two weeks after I left my husband I went to Amsterdam and fell in love/lust. I left that love 7 days later. It didn`t end there. I think I need to write that story. Which one would you rather read and who wants to be my editor?

How dysfunctional is this post anyway? Hell, it's my party and I'll be dysfunctional if I wanna.....

Cheers, to each and everyone of you. Thank you, for allowing me to be me.


Laura said...
March 14, 2010 at 10:01 PM

Congrats on your 100th post! How could anyone not love you & this blog

Mrsblogalot said...
March 14, 2010 at 10:03 PM

Write on girl!!

I think I'd read just about anything you wrote!

You are fabulous!

Tracie said...
March 14, 2010 at 10:14 PM

Congrats on your 100th post! I would like to read both stories. They both need to be told.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...
March 14, 2010 at 10:22 PM

Holy century~! One hundred posts. Those first few comments are like a sugar rush of the best kind aren't they...someone actually commented on something you wrote! It feels great but then you write (and swear) so well.

The choices you gave us are driving me crazy because I would love to hear your take on each. Both stories would be incredible to read. One would certainly be controversial but the other is fascinating. You ran off to AMSTERDAM?! Why? What made you do that?

I guess, as usual, I'm no help. Congratulations on the first 100!

Sarah With Scissors said...
March 14, 2010 at 10:41 PM

100 Posts! That's a big one. I have to say I'm so glad I found your blog. It kicks ass.

And I'm totally torn on the two topics. The amsterdam love/lust story would be a good read, but the euthenasia one could really challenge people to think openly... equal writing opportunities. Which one scares you more to write about... pick that one.

And I think I sorted out my comment feature... but who knows, I am a newbie with technology.

Resentful Wife said...
March 14, 2010 at 10:43 PM

OMG! You called me out...you BITCH! Shit! Seeing my name in lights on your blog made my nipples get hard and the hair on my need-to-be-shaved legs stand straight up! I've never been called out like that before! And...I loved it. You are the fucking bee's knees! There will be world peace tonight because of you...I officially LOVE all Canucks! Next time I go to Canada, I will grab a random Canadian and dry hump their leg! You don't think they'd mind, do you? You are an awesome blossom...bob and doug mckenzie only wish they were as funny as you. john candy is rolling over laughing. ok, seriously, now...

I will read anything. you. write. and feel honored to have done so. I want to read about your mum. I want to read about that guy you gave a thigh squeeze to in Amsterdam. I love you, man.

Damn! I totally just broke MY promise to not swear in this comment. We're both a coupla fuckin' sailors. Fuck me.

The Queen said...
March 14, 2010 at 10:55 PM

Sorry I forgot the question,, I was reading the comments about bitch.. and hard nipples.. and fuck.. what were you asking?

Just write anything.. I'll read it cause it will be whoot whoot ....oh look.. shiney thing..

Anonymous said...
March 14, 2010 at 11:28 PM

I'm honored I got a mention! You know I love me some Dual Mom.
I think I'd go w/ the story about your mom. Congrats on having the balls to submit your essay. I hope you do well!

MindyMom said...
March 15, 2010 at 12:24 AM

Congrats on your 100th!

And you know we all love you because we are equally dysfunctional, right? Us "mommy bloggers" with nothing on our minds but dribble and nothing better to do than read each other's shit? Mmmm-hmmm.

And yet we all have more readers than out local newspapers.

Write on, girl! Whatever you choose to write, I will read.

Anonymous said...
March 15, 2010 at 12:49 AM

You're like my kick ass bloggy mommy. and in my bloggy family tree I have two mommys. the other mommy would be gundiva. so you are now currently in a relationship with gundiva.

anyway. it's a tough one, because I think the one about your mother would be touching, and you would probly make me cry.

but the amsterdam one probaly rivals some of my stories... and then some! I would love to hear it. honestly, I can't decided. sorry, I'm terrible help.

adrienzgirl said...
March 15, 2010 at 12:50 AM

Soul Sister! I will read either. You know I love you! You have a way with words lady.

*raises hand* I'll be your editor!

gayle said...
March 15, 2010 at 12:53 AM

Congrats!!! I too want to read both!! Depends on who will be reading it!! Does that make sense?

GunDiva said...
March 15, 2010 at 1:05 AM

Awww. I'm sitting here, reading your blog thinking, "She's only written 100 posts?" Really, your blog has grown so quickly that it feels like so much more than 100 (in a totally kick-ass good way).

And, apparently, we're T!nk's lesbian blog mommies. Hmmm...there might be a post in there somewhere.

I think you need to submit both essays; they'll be phenomonal. There is a monthly writing contest/emagazine that both T!nk and I have entered (that's how we met) and been published in. You should enter as well. Go to Easy Street Prompts (http://easystreetprompts.blogspot.com) and enter the blog carnival. Do it!

I totally get the whole throw up in the mouth thing at the thought of submitting any writing to a contest. I damn nearly passed out when I mailed in my query to the publisher.

Now get to work cranking out those next 100 posts! Your fans are waiting!

Mad Woman said...
March 15, 2010 at 1:10 AM

I think you should write both. I'm happy to act as editor/proofreader and I'll read anything you write. But only if you promise to keep your whoring wee hands off Aunty J because she's mine. MINE!

Ok. Seriously though, write both. But start with whichever one would be most therapeutic right NOW.

Congrats on 100 posts! I'm off to shove my tongue down MY Aunt Juicebox's throat :)

PS...I seriously squealed out loud and scared Hotty Hubby when I saw that you'd mentioned me in this post.

Raoulysgirl said...
March 15, 2010 at 2:00 AM

Congrats on 100 posts!!!

I would read either story...for different reasons...but I'm kind of a voyeur!!!

Anonymous said...
March 15, 2010 at 2:50 AM

It's all part of why you are an interesting blogger.


Kaylen said...
March 15, 2010 at 3:09 AM

Congrats on your 100th.
Though really, you had a comment on your first post? Whatever. I think I was blogging for 19 months before anyone ever noticed me. Granted I didn't have the follower thing up, or the Networked Blogs, and I didn't comment anywhere ever...but STILL - you would think someone would stumble upon my blog.
Anyway, this isn't about me.
It's about you. And how much better than me you are.

You are a really *swell* writer and I think that you could make any story fun to read. I would vote for the love/lust story cause I'm a bit whorish that way.

GunDiva said...
March 15, 2010 at 3:17 AM

I've got an award waiting for you at my place. Come 'n get it!

Anonymous said...
March 15, 2010 at 5:04 AM

100 YAYYY... and damn girl, I thought my mind worked in mysterious ways... but you get all the prizes ;0)

Alex said...
March 15, 2010 at 7:11 AM

Write about anything you like, it's your blog babe!

Love how our crazy female minds work.

Be mad, you only live once!

Anonymous said...
March 15, 2010 at 8:13 AM

Congrats on reaching 100! It's addictive, isn't it? :)

Melinda Arnold said...
March 15, 2010 at 9:39 AM

Holy hell my head is spinning...I want to read both stories!
Congrats on the 100th post and thank you for not being one of those oopy boopy mom bloggers that think their kid shits glitter.

Homesick Cajun said...
March 15, 2010 at 10:16 AM

Happy 100th post boo! Can I be greedy and say I'd like to read both? No...ah fuck it, I'm gonna say both anyway! Lol..

My Mercurial Nature said...
March 15, 2010 at 10:38 AM

Happy 100th post, DualMom, and THANK YOU for the continued giggles (and all-out hysterical laughter). I love it when someone gives me a reason to ignore my kids...gotta get me some sanity time, right?! If someone calls child services on me I'm pointing them in your direction, "SHE made me do it!"

Queen of Feisty said...
March 15, 2010 at 11:22 AM

Hey that's me! Feisty that is. Congrats on your 100th, I have to say I was trying NOT to find more blogs to read, since I already procastinate around the house as it is, but then I found you and fell in love right back.

Thanks for a great blog. But as we all know, it's the comments you leave that really melts our hearts!


Anonymous said...
March 15, 2010 at 11:25 AM

congrats on your 100th post!

the second story sounds delicious--write on, woman!

Linda Medrano said...
March 15, 2010 at 2:14 PM

I adore every crazy wacky and hilarious word you write! And I can relate to all of it! (What does that tell you about me? Scary, I know!) Keep it up, Darlin' and write those two articles! xoxoxo

Danielle said...
March 15, 2010 at 3:44 PM

Torrid lust stories always appeal to my warped sense on life! But I too love all that you write!

gaylin said...
March 15, 2010 at 5:01 PM

First off, Resentful Wife, if you hump a Canadian's leg we will politely let you and say thank you afterwards.

I will read either essay, I will read anything you fucking write . . .

My friend Anne died last year, the hospital honoured her DNR and it was a decent experience. Sorry to hear about your bad one.

Michelle Pixie said...
March 15, 2010 at 7:04 PM

100th post is exciting...Congrats! {I found my way her via Noelle one of my absolute favorites!}

Can I say I want to hear both? The first one pulls at my heart strings because I've lived through the death of a parent and although I did not fight with medical professionals I had a very heavy handed step-monster administering the morphine. When all I needed was a few more hours of coherency so my kids could say their goodbyes. But a hot and steamy love/lust story sounds so fun right about now!! Take me away!

Menopausal New Mom said...
March 15, 2010 at 7:13 PM

Great trip down memory lane. I remember my first non-family comment I received, it was from Anita at Beyond the Diapers and Spills, I still think the world of her.

I still remember the first time I met one of my fellow bloggers too and yes, I think the world of "her" too :)

Congratulations on #100!!!! You are an entertaining gal!!

Yankee Girl said...
March 15, 2010 at 8:21 PM

Congrats on your 100th! I love your blog and cannot help myself from blowing off work and chores to sit down and read your blog!

June said...
March 15, 2010 at 8:59 PM

I would read either one of those stories because they were written by YOU!
Personally, I would pick up the love/lust story to read first.

Congrats on the 100th post!
You are among the best of friends.

Anonymous said...
March 15, 2010 at 9:21 PM

I feel like I should tell you to suck donkey balls just so I can get a shoutout next time..lol. ;) I just recently found your blog and absolutely LOVE it..every bit of it! Congrats on 100!

The Only Girl said...
March 16, 2010 at 1:45 PM

Congrats on your 100! That's a great accomplishment.

Both stories sound good - it's hard to pick. But I'll go with love. Cause it's a little nicer than death. Usually.