Silly Sundays - Help I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up

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Happy Sunday evening everyone -

I don't now if the following tidbit could be considered "silly" or just fuktarded. You be the judge. Also, if you want to play along...stop over to The Blue Zoo and link up. Even if you don't want to play along, stop over anyway, you won't regret it!

We got DUMPED on here on the east coast on Friday. Thursday evening I went to bed we had NO snow. Friday I couldn't leave the house because the guy that blows out my driveway couldn't get down my road until late afternoon. I drive a car with 18" tires and there was no way in hell I was getting through that mess.

Saturday I fell. I never fall. I wear three inch heels through most of the winter and skip across icy sidewalks the way Julie Andrews skipped through the fields in the Sound of Music (minus the gaggle of kids following me). I do not fall. Saturday Nora and I were heading out to the mall, I had sneakers on (don't judge) for hell's sake. My foot hit the top step of the deck and I felt it slipping. It went something like this.

Oh (thhh thunk)
Shit (thhhh thunk)
Owww (thhh thunk)
Damn (thhh thunk)
It (thh thunk)

And then I landed in the snowbank. Unable to breath, convinced my back had snapped in a million pieces and I would just freeze to death in the snowbank.  My tailbone hit every damn step on the way down. Nora is standing on the deck almost in hysterics because she thought I was dead. I couldn't speak because all ability to breathe had been knocked the fuck out of me. I have a flat ass. Seriously, you could set a level on my ass and it would be totally straight. I have no padding there. You know those bones you have in each ass cheek. Yeah, they really hurt when  you bring 170 pounds down on top of them. Nora is kneeling behind me, "Mom are you ok, MOM???" trying to drag me up by my armpits. All I can do is nod. When I finally managed to pick myself up out of the snowbank Nora said to me, "Mom I'm so glad you're not 50". I asked her, "What does being 50 have to do with it hun?" She replies, "Well, if you were 50 a fall like that would totally kill you." I have 14 years left people, 14 years before a fall like that will take me out!!

Then I went to the gym today. I know, I'm beyond retarded. I never ever denied it. But please, feel free to tell me JUST how retarded I am.  I really thought I was ok. Really. Now...well I can't sit down (I'm standing at the kitchen counter right now). Standing kinda hurts too, now that I think about it. Laying down .....yeah that's not really an option either. It's probably just a really bad bruise, right?

26 comments:

Secretia said...
January 31, 2010 at 8:54 PM

You displayed your commitment to getting in shape. It doesn't need any other justification!
Now be more careful...

Secretia

Mad Woman said...
January 31, 2010 at 10:13 PM

Sneakers have no grip...you shoulda stuck to the heels :-)

Hope you're ok, and I'm totally in awe that you still went to the gym!

GunDiva said...
January 31, 2010 at 10:29 PM

I would have used my fall as an excuse not to go to the gym. You are such a dedicated LIBer! Sorry about your butt. I've broken mine twice and I'll do anything in my power never to do it again.

Tracie said...
January 31, 2010 at 10:35 PM

I can't believe you still went to the gym! I was whining about going because I have the sniffles.

advocatemom said...
January 31, 2010 at 11:05 PM

Well now I have to get up and go to the gym tomorrow morning. And I was just about done talking myself out of it. :) Glad you are ok!

adrienzgirl said...
January 31, 2010 at 11:10 PM

I have done the exact same thing. Except I hit the corner of the step with my butt cheek before I slid down the rest of them. My whole cheek was BLACK with a red ring around the outside, FOR A MONTH. Then it turned every shade of the rainbow before it finally healed.

Spastic is what mine call me. Not retarded, or silly. Just spastic.

Vinomom said...
February 1, 2010 at 12:41 AM

The bruise always hits you around 24 hours later - so I can excuse you for going to the gym cuz it probably didn't hurt as bad before as it did after.

I just had a really mean joking comment but it was SO mean I couldn't be sure if you would take it as tongue in cheek. So I backspaced.

I really do hope your butt bone feels better soon!

The Blue Zoo said...
February 1, 2010 at 1:16 AM

LMAO Well I am SO glad you arent 50!!

Congrats on making it to the gym. You are focused, which is awesome!

Thank you so, so much for playing along!!

T!nK said...
February 1, 2010 at 2:37 AM

Oy. you need to go to the DR.

Mrsblogalot said...
February 1, 2010 at 5:46 AM

Thank God you weren't 50!! God forbid!!!

I know I should not have laughed my ass off reading that but it's your fault.

First..well you fell.

Second, you are hysterically funny.

Enjoy the next 14 years (-:

Kellyansapansa said...
February 1, 2010 at 5:58 AM

And you KNOW it's going to be worse tomorrow. Youch!

livemorenow said...
February 1, 2010 at 7:44 AM

ouch, fuckity ouch! So so lucky you are under 50! If my son said that to me I would wring his neck to ease my pain. Get well and look after yourself :).

Sharon said...
February 1, 2010 at 9:24 AM

I can't believe you went to the gym! That is real commitment right there.

Thank God you're not 50! haha

Homesick Cajun said...
February 1, 2010 at 10:01 AM

Ok so that means I only have 10 years left before that shit will kill me! I'm gonna get some of those super duper safety boots with the steel toes and shit. I mean for reals yo...who knows what I might drop on my foot that could kill me! Lmao...

Daffy said...
February 1, 2010 at 10:21 AM

I'm laughing....and I'm not gonna apologize for it. That shits funny - and I can TOTALLY laugh because I fall WAAAAY to much. Never been good in the upright position....

wait

That sounds really bad....

I'm guessing you're really feeling it today. Sorry you took a tumble! Really, I am. I know how it feels...

F. McButter Pants said...
February 1, 2010 at 11:29 AM

That gives me only one year. I better get damn good shoes.

Love your blog. Yes you are retarded.

Danielle said...
February 1, 2010 at 11:36 AM

OMG, I only have 10 years until a fall will kill me. Yuk!
Hope you feel better. Rest for a bit would ya?

Laura said...
February 1, 2010 at 12:36 PM

Well now that I'm depressed that I only have 12 years left before I could die from falling I think I'll add a calcium supplement to my diet too. *sighs*

On another note. Use a heat pad, hot showers & get some rest.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...
February 1, 2010 at 3:12 PM

"Well, if you were 50 a fall like that would totally kill you."

favorite line

you could have bruised your tailbone which i did in childbirth

yeah that is gonna hurt for awhile

gayle said...
February 1, 2010 at 4:40 PM

Well thank God it wasn't me b/c I would be dead according to Nora:0 Hope you are feeling better. The gymn ????

Yankee Girl said...
February 1, 2010 at 6:04 PM

I broke my tailbone three times by falling. I really am very good at falling.

If you can't walk/sit/stand/lay down for much longer I would suggest seeing a doctor. Muscle relaxers are awesome.

Feel better soon!

rxBambi said...
February 1, 2010 at 7:42 PM

It's good to know that I have 11 years (okay, 10 yrs and 11 months) to have a fall like that and not die.

oh and "fucktard" -- LMAO!

June said...
February 1, 2010 at 8:15 PM

Falling is scary shit... ya' never know what might break.

I have a feeling I know a little of how you are feeling because after having my ass kicked by my new workout video, I can barely walk down the stairs. It hurts to sit down to pee!

Glad to know you will be around for another 14 years!

Kat said...
February 1, 2010 at 8:49 PM

I once slipped on the ice in the parking lot at my work and slid right under my car. Boy was MY face red! And my butt was sore!! I have something for you over at my site. Stop by and get it!

Terry said...
February 1, 2010 at 9:42 PM

OMG....hysterical!! Are you ok...lol...really, seriously...are you okay??? (I seriously can't stop laughing....as I have been there before, in the snowbank...at least once a year....)

Aunt Juicebox said...
February 2, 2010 at 4:25 PM

I fell down the steps once, all the way down a full flight, on my back. I couldn't walk for 3 days after that. When it happened, my daughter was only about 5. She heard me and came to the stairs to see what happened, and laughed when he saw me lying there.
I'm still scared of steps to this day.