That's What She Said

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Thank you for your comments yesterday. Who would have thought that a virtual world could make someone feel so loved? It amazes and humbles me.

I got this in my email the other day:

My name is Jason and I’m part of the Promotions Team here at CSN Stores. We have been seeking out high quality websites and blogs, gauging interest in doing a giveaway with one of our sites.

A few things - if you're seeking out high quality websites and blogs, how the hell did you stumble upon mine? There's nothing high quality here Jason, we don't do quality here at Dual Mom's place. Granted I do manage to post most days, so I guess you could say high quantity, but quality, nahhh it's just rants and lots of cuss words and me trying to be funny. Sometimes I suceed, sometimes I fall on my face in a pile of shit. But hey, if you wanna give me free shit to give away to my fabulous readers, I'm game. Because my readers, now there's some high quality. And hey, if you want to give me free shit and have me publicly trash it because I am one hard bitch to please and I won't lie just because you're givin' me free shit  review it, ok, I'll play that game too.

And I've been getting a few anonymous comments lately.....like this one:

Genial dispatch and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you for your information.

What the hell is genial dispatch? Are you retarded Anonymous?

And this one:

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

What the fuck? Is this a compliment or a criticism? Are you saying my first posts are shit? How dare you!?! Jason just told me that my stuff was high quality. So there! Show yourself dammit so I can respond to this comment. Keep it up you say? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on - how's that for original and creative?

Then there's the dude (or dudette) that sends me Chinese messages. I think they're slyly trying to recruit me for an uber top secret arm of the Red Army, they realize I have incredible powers of persuasion and have decided I will be their glorious leader. "But you don't speak Chinese Dual Mom nor are you actually of Chinese descent and your a woman." Pssssshhhhh that's just semantics...I'm sure I can work around ALL of those hurdles. And when I'm leader of the Chinese Army....I'm making all of you Generals, or Lieutenants, or some such fabulous title that will give you all uber powers. I'm soooo having those messages translated.

Along with the comments that make me go "WTF" are some search terms. Take for instance -

drunk lips tingle - So do mine.

fuck teacher - Oh my....you naughty naughty boy (I'm assuming)...do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

cougars drinking with boys picture - I see a theme developing here and it's making me think I need to tone down the material on my blog. I'll have you know we do not drink with boys, and if we did we'd never allow actual evidence of it...jeesssh we're not stupid.

not even panties - Really? Good for you.

dad's 12 year old daughter is his domme - I didn't know what a domme was. So I googled it. At work. I expect to be fired any moment now. Thanks.

I would strongly suggest grounding your daughter until she's at least 18.

what do you do if your kid says huh all the time - If it's a teenager you're dealing with -  the word huh and eye rolling are their main forms of communication. Around the age of 14 they lose all ability to speak with their parents. Unless of course they're telling you how stupid you are. If you're desperate to communicate with your teen try texting. They're really good at that. You'll need a book of translations because they don't actually use words.

tequila out of a shoe - Who would ever do such a thing?!?! Really, have some class people.

Be good!

31 comments:

blueviolet said...
January 20, 2010 at 11:48 AM

You're really reeling in the dregs of society over here! Well done!

wines constantly said...
January 20, 2010 at 11:58 AM

I read "genial" as "genital" and had a near pants-wetting moment as I tried to sort out the dispatch part.

Have you tried plugging the Chinese into babelfish? It's what I do when my customers email technical questions to me in Spanish...

Daffy said...
January 20, 2010 at 12:07 PM

I heard from Jason awhile back too and I wondered how the hell he found me.

Then I got this great spam shiz that said: Is porn the only winner during a credit crunch?

I left it because it made me laugh...snort kinda laugh...

Laura said...
January 20, 2010 at 12:12 PM

Gosh I'm not sure how I would feel about the comment about the post are better now than they were. Are you sure that isn't JMac's Mother leaving that comment? Because she is the queen of back handed compliments....

Evenmore you should feel really special that there are others out there who either also drink tequila from a shoe or who want to know how ;-)

Sharon said...
January 20, 2010 at 12:24 PM

the domme part had me cracking up. :D

Terry said...
January 20, 2010 at 12:26 PM

omg...i so want to mess with you and post something funky anonymously!! but I won't! You crack me up!!

Yankee Girl said...
January 20, 2010 at 12:58 PM

Whoa! On some of those I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

Know for some ass kissing: you are definitely high quality!

Mae Rae said...
January 20, 2010 at 1:24 PM

darn it, I am at work and don't know what a domme is ? i don't want to get fired! It is amazing to me as to what they will say and how they think we will do that kind of stuff.

Homesick Cajun said...
January 20, 2010 at 1:25 PM

Lol...I'm crushed, I have yet to hear from Jason! Maybe I need to check my email, I'm sure there's one from him just waiting for me to open!! Lol...

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
January 20, 2010 at 1:43 PM

This post had me cracking up!! I get the weird 'this helped me with a college assignment' one, too. What does it all mean, Dualmom?

Cassie said...
January 20, 2010 at 2:02 PM

I keep getting those comments too. At first the one about "your older posts aren't as good" really got to me, then I got the same comment a few more times and figured it was some spammer.

kys said...
January 20, 2010 at 2:49 PM

I get the spammers, too. Seems like they have been very busy lately.

Kellyansapansa said...
January 20, 2010 at 4:07 PM

Tequila + shoe = excuse to buy new shoes. There could be something in that.

Kat said...
January 20, 2010 at 5:04 PM

LMAO! OH good grief! As usual, my best laugh of the day! The search terms had me rolling!!

livemorenow said...
January 20, 2010 at 5:30 PM

lol, it's an odd world out there. Spam can take us to some mind bending places.

The Blue Zoo said...
January 20, 2010 at 5:46 PM

I guess I should be insulted. I havent heard from anyone peddling porn or spam! Sheesh.

I also read that as "genital dispatch" LOL

June said...
January 20, 2010 at 7:05 PM

I love your style!
Never had a chance to drink shots out of a shoe but I would be willing!

TjRenee said...
January 20, 2010 at 7:07 PM

I've heard from those spammer commenters too - except Jason. Hmmm.

I'm kind of scared to look at what searches bring people to my blog after seeing your list. hehehe

Alex said...
January 20, 2010 at 7:49 PM

Love spam! Always gives me a good giggle.

Love random emails too, had my first Nigerian money scam a while back and an email from some dad asking if he could be my friend... though he was adamant he didn't want to have sex with me...well, why the hell not????

:)

Kmama said...
January 20, 2010 at 10:03 PM

Bwahahahaha!! I've had the chinese person (some sort of spam...I had a friend run it through a translator) and the genial one just came the other day.

I'm laughing so hard at the googling of "domme" and expecting to be fired. LOL!!

Great post!

Quixotic said...
January 20, 2010 at 11:33 PM

Well, I'm eagerly awaiting my email form Jason! ;o)
Meanwhile, I have a lovely Nigerian man who needs to get money out of the country, and if I help him, I get half!!! Score!! Be right back, just going to send him my bank account, credit card and Social Security details...

Heather said...
January 21, 2010 at 12:33 AM

New to your blog, you're hilarious! Love the post, can't wait to read the "worse" archives :)

gayle said...
January 21, 2010 at 12:34 AM

I got two comments like those!!

Mad Woman said...
January 21, 2010 at 12:49 AM

Hahaha you get better search terms than I do. Tequila out of a shoe? AWESOME.

Jay Ferris said...
January 21, 2010 at 1:18 AM

If it helps, I found you by searching for "cougar mauls Eagle Scout and does things to him that would make Jesus cry".

I was, um... researching for term paper.

adrienzgirl said...
January 21, 2010 at 3:33 AM

I get lots of spam too. I got the exact same one about my older post not being as good as the new ones and keep up the creativity.

WTF?

Secretia said...
January 21, 2010 at 6:35 AM

Those crap emails are too frigging much! Always is a scam to get our money somehow.

Secretia

Aunt Juicebox said...
January 21, 2010 at 4:44 PM

In two years, I've never been solicited for giveaways or advertisements. I always thought it was the over the top cussing and sometimes touchy subject matter. I think your blog is great, I disagree though that your posts are better NOW, they've always been good from the beginning and are STILL good.

Corrie Howe said...
January 22, 2010 at 11:11 AM

But have you been visited by the Crappy Blog Detective? He actually has a blog where he lists your blog, he has an email and everything. I think Lee the Hot Flash Queen decided to follow him back in November.

I loved your post today. I came by way of Friday Fragments. And I've seen you around the same blogs I follow. I'm following you now.

Vinomom said...
January 23, 2010 at 12:43 AM

I still haven't figured out how to see what search terms bring me to people. I'm sure it is a matter of effort on my part that is the hindrance.

You are the shiznit Dual Mom.