That's What She Said

Thank you for your comments yesterday. Who would have thought that a virtual world could make someone feel so loved? It amazes and humbles me.

I got this in my email the other day:

My name is Jason and I’m part of the Promotions Team here at CSN Stores. We have been seeking out high quality websites and blogs, gauging interest in doing a giveaway with one of our sites.

A few things - if you're seeking out high quality websites and blogs, how the hell did you stumble upon mine? There's nothing high quality here Jason, we don't do quality here at Dual Mom's place. Granted I do manage to post most days, so I guess you could say high quantity, but quality, nahhh it's just rants and lots of cuss words and me trying to be funny. Sometimes I suceed, sometimes I fall on my face in a pile of shit. But hey, if you wanna give me free shit to give away to my fabulous readers, I'm game. Because my readers, now there's some high quality. And hey, if you want to give me free shit and have me publicly trash it because I am one hard bitch to please and I won't lie just because you're givin' me free shit  review it, ok, I'll play that game too.

And I've been getting a few anonymous comments lately.....like this one:

Genial dispatch and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you for your information.

What the hell is genial dispatch? Are you retarded Anonymous?

And this one:

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

What the fuck? Is this a compliment or a criticism? Are you saying my first posts are shit? How dare you!?! Jason just told me that my stuff was high quality. So there! Show yourself dammit so I can respond to this comment. Keep it up you say? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on - how's that for original and creative?

Then there's the dude (or dudette) that sends me Chinese messages. I think they're slyly trying to recruit me for an uber top secret arm of the Red Army, they realize I have incredible powers of persuasion and have decided I will be their glorious leader. "But you don't speak Chinese Dual Mom nor are you actually of Chinese descent and your a woman." Pssssshhhhh that's just semantics...I'm sure I can work around ALL of those hurdles. And when I'm leader of the Chinese Army....I'm making all of you Generals, or Lieutenants, or some such fabulous title that will give you all uber powers. I'm soooo having those messages translated.

Along with the comments that make me go "WTF" are some search terms. Take for instance -

drunk lips tingle - So do mine.

fuck teacher - Oh my....you naughty naughty boy (I'm assuming)...do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

cougars drinking with boys picture - I see a theme developing here and it's making me think I need to tone down the material on my blog. I'll have you know we do not drink with boys, and if we did we'd never allow actual evidence of it...jeesssh we're not stupid.

not even panties - Really? Good for you.

dad's 12 year old daughter is his domme - I didn't know what a domme was. So I googled it. At work. I expect to be fired any moment now. Thanks.

I would strongly suggest grounding your daughter until she's at least 18.

what do you do if your kid says huh all the time - If it's a teenager you're dealing with -  the word huh and eye rolling are their main forms of communication. Around the age of 14 they lose all ability to speak with their parents. Unless of course they're telling you how stupid you are. If you're desperate to communicate with your teen try texting. They're really good at that. You'll need a book of translations because they don't actually use words.

tequila out of a shoe - Who would ever do such a thing?!?! Really, have some class people.

Be good!