I Suck So Bad

Fuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. shit damn bitch shit fuck fuckfuckityfuckfuckfuck.

Sorry. I'm sorry for my potty mouth but you'll understand when you read my post. Let me interrupt this psychotic rant to welcome several new followers aboard the crazy train that is Dual Mom. I curse, I'm sometimes not very politically correct, I'm a bit of a hard ass (or dominatrix as Zgirl likes to call me...gee thanks Zgirl). Seriously, I'm not certifiable, really, trust me. Sure I talk to myself, and sometimes self talks back but c'mon - doesn't everyone have full fledged conversations with themselves? Once in a blue moon I'll say something funny, or insightful or motivational so welcome!

So, yeah....today's D-day. The start of all things great. The start of Lose It Bitch in which all us crazy bloggers start to be all that we can BE (gag gag cough cough). So how did Dual Mom kick off the day, by getting out of bed at noon, that's how. Good one, right? Way to be on the ball Dual Mom!! Considering I was up until SIX O'CLOCK this morning it really wasn't that late. For the first time in my life, even after three pregnancies that have seen my body morph into some alien being that I no longer recognize, I had heartburn. Holy fuck, how do people survive that on a regular basis? I went to bed at midnight, read for 20 minutes and was soundly off to sandman land. An hour later I woke up and thought that all my wishing of STD's on Ex's girlfriend had finally caught up with me because surely the burning pain in my chest was a direct result of my demise and I was now rotting in hell. Right? Wrong, it was heartburn. I have never had heartburn people...NEVER! There were no tums or antacids in the house. To make a long, painful story short I finally fell asleep at 6am.

So up at noon, coffee, breakfast and reach for the camera to take a pic of the scales. Because it is THAT day people. The day we have all been waiting for with an equal mixture of dread and anticipation. So I strip down (you can't weigh yourself with clothes on, not even panties, because panties weigh POUNDS and POUNDS as we all know), turn the camera on and the goddamn thing is dead. No problem, I have another camera. Throw on bathrobe and dig in the cupboard for other camera...hmmmm no sign of other camera. Dig in drawer...still no sign of other camera. Shout at the top of my lungs to kids, "Guys has anyone seen the red Canon?" This is where my asshat lovely daughter tells me she borrowed (without asking) the camera and left it in school. Ok this is solveable, I can charge the Nikon and take pic later in the afternoon.

Noreen and I went to the movies this afternoon to see The Blind Side. Sandra Bullock was amazing in it. My favorite role she's ever played. It was really good, check it out if you have a chance.

Home from movies and my power is out. For the last five hours my power has been intermittently out and when it briefly flicks back on the internet connection seeems to be down. It has gone out three five times since I started this post. Luckily the laptop is charged (the only damn thing in the house that is) and I'm typing this in Word. This of course means the battery for the camera hasn't charged and my whole awesome debut I had lined up for Lose It Bitch is pretty much fucked.

So I sit here at 10:30 drinking wine (I know right, probably really good for heartburn?). I'm calling a do over and starting tomorrow with a posted pic first thing in the morning. I did weigh myself this morning and in this corner, weighing in at 174.5 is Dual Mom. That's right, I've put on about 5 pounds in the last month which is really just fucking grand. This means my goal is to lose 29 pounds....I would like to get down to 145. I also plan to start running again, which may actually kill me. There is a local 10k during the first week of June that I plan on running...and finishing in under an hour.

So to recap the rules for those of you competing with us:

Post your pic (either of your scales or yourself...the choice is yours), include what your goals are and how you plan to achieve those goals.

The challenge will run until April 30th...this gives us four months.

The winner (determined by % of body weight lost rather than pounds) will recieve a token of congrats from each of the participants.....goodies from all over the world.

Each week you need to post your progress or I will hunt you down and kick your ass. This means you're accountable to ALL of us for your progress. How's that for pressure? As Kys said, "This is so 1987, girl's bathroom, and you are holding the pack of Marlboros." but hey, if it works I'm willing to be the class bully ladies. Just for you.... I'm going to weigh in on Sunday. If you would rather do it on another day, please feel free, the important thing is to do it!

Zgirl at Think Tank has started a new website where she's going to post recipes, weight loss tips and information. I (along with a few other crazy girls) will be contributing to the site. It's a work in progress but be sure to check it out and follow.

I'm excited about this. I'm so excited that so many of you have decided to participate. I'm looking forward to cheering each and everyone of you on! Here is the list of participants. If I've forgotten anyone it's because of the intermittent power. You can imagine how fun it is to try and compile a list of blogs with a shitty internet connection and blinking power. Yeah, THAT fun. So let me know if I've left you off the list.

Aunt JuiceBox at Bacon is My Lover
Feisty at Spaghetti and Bagels
Zgirl at the Think Tank
GunDiva at Just Another Perfect Day
Meg at Mind of a Madwoman
Kat at Happy Hour Somewhere
Noelle at Elastic Waistbands
Mae Rae at In and Out of the Bubble
Gayle at Gramme's Blog
Danielle at MidLife Mommy
Alex at Whoa Momma
Kelly at Wolf Party of 5
Hissyfits and Halos
JQ Brat (I don't have your website!!)
Sharon (Nor your's)
D.A.R.R.A (Ditto above)
Nurse McGee
Laura (and again)
TJ at TJ's Weigh
Vinomom
The Other Mommy

That's one hell of an impressive list. So I raise my glass to each of you and I wish you strength in the face of temptation. It's on!