Where's A Confessional When You Need One?

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I have a confession to make and if I were religious I’d so be down on my knees saying Hail Mary’s for all I was worth and dousing myself with holy water. I’m absolutely convinced I’ve been taken over by demons and an exorcism is the only answer.

I arose from my boudoir at 11:00am on Saturday morning. This is unheard of for me. Over the past several years I find it impossible to sleep in past 8:00am on the weekends. This could have been a direct result of the alcohol consumption from Friday night. No, this is not my confession.

On Sunday morning, I rolled out of bed at 9:30am. Again, not my confession.

I made it to the gym for 1hr 40min on Saturday and 1 hour on Sunday.

My house looks as though a complete and utter slob has moved in with me. There is a pile of laundry sitting in the basket in my kitchen and no matter how much I give it the evil stink eye, it refuses to fold itself. The floors are being cantankerous and refuse to scrub themselves. The glass tops on my coffee/end tables look as though I have two sets of quadruplets living in the house. My house is a mess. One would think an entire weekend sans kids would be a prime opportunity to get reacquainted with my scrub brush.

Instead. Instead. Instead I spent the weekend watching Real World (hangs head in shameful remorse). I have talked before about the fact that I do not have cable/satellite tv. There’s a reason for this. Yours truly has an obsessive personality. I can’t eat one potato chip, I can’t buy one pair of shoes, I can’t watch one hour of tv. No, instead I spend an entire weekend watching what has to be some of the worst television ever made. There are 23 seasons of this show. How is that possible? How is it possible that prior to this weekend I had no idea MTV gathered up young people and put them in a house together and urged them to be dramatic, and cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends and sleep with each other. AND THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT. Worse yet, I watched it. My eyes were bleeding and my brain was pleading with me to just perform a full lobotomy and put it out of its misery. And yet I sat there watching.  I showered multiple times but couldn’t remove the feeling of stank ass dirtiness. Sometimes I really hate modern technology and the internet. Bless me father for I have sinned………

Apparently there are spin offs to this show where they bring back favorites from the various Real World seasons and pit them against each other in physical challenges? Please tell me this shit isn’t available to watch online too?

After posting about my Friday evening several of you have commented that we need to drink together. This is highly imperative, I believe, for all our personal growth. I’ve had a bit of an epiphany (you know where this is going). MTV needs to do a new reality series, about bloggers. That’s right. They need to gather up a shitload of us and put us up in a swanky house for a month and let us have at it. Hell, they could even gather up a bunch of us from LIB and we could do a whole Real World/Biggest Loser thing. You see, this way, we could spend a month together hanging out, blogging together and drinking from shoes. How fanfuckintabulous would that be? Entertainment at its FINEST people. I have visions of me and Zgirl battling it out on the treadmill while an entire nation watches, completely riveted of course. Instead of a confessional we could do blogs. I have the entire first season cast in my head. So MTV, if you’re reading this, have your people contact my people.

I know I’m supposed to do a weigh in today. I did weigh myself and have decided to refrain from posting about it until tomorrow. I’m afraid we need to have a chat.


GunDiva said...
January 25, 2010 at 11:18 AM

My House Elf is also on vacation and I'm not sure when he/she will return, but damnit, I'm getting pretty cranky with having a house that looks like a tornado hit.

Sign me up for the Blogger/Biggest Loser reality show! Congrats on gym time. I so didn't go this weekend. Instead I went up to my parents' B&B for a little R&R :)

Anonymous said...
January 25, 2010 at 12:22 PM

Hehe. I like your new reality TV suggestion. That would be cool :)

And I say "Make the kids clean." Bribery is acceptable.

Les said...
January 25, 2010 at 12:43 PM

OMG! I love your blog...that is really all I can say! :)

Homesick Cajun said...
January 25, 2010 at 1:18 PM

Those damn shows on MTV are bad...yet addicting! Hope you have a great Monday!

Sandra said...
January 25, 2010 at 2:07 PM

I'm with Les - I am so glad I found your blog. Your humor is very much what I need these days.

And I'm with you on the only eating one chip issue - not happening.

Anonymous said...
January 25, 2010 at 2:25 PM

You better add me to that list of characters in your head! That would just be too freakin awesome to miss! lol

And I could use some girl time.

Allenspark Lodge said...
January 25, 2010 at 2:25 PM

My wife and I made the decision years ago to not take cable and when we bought the lodge, we even took down the antenna(I've never seen "Friends"..is it still on?). But when WE go on vacation it's "Wow! Here we are in a city we've never been to full of sights we've never seen! Oh look! The motel room has TV! I wonder if anything is on?" Damn. Well, I guess the brain needs time off, too.

Laura said...
January 25, 2010 at 4:23 PM

Sounds like a mah-avlous idea. I could use a month vacation from my own family life and plus then you could teach me how to drink from a shoe correctly.

Count me in for this - ;-)

adrienzgirl said...
January 25, 2010 at 4:55 PM

HOLY HELL! That would be off the rails ridiculousness. Can you imagine?

Blogworld Bitches versus The Real Housewives of *insert any city*

Oh. Em. Gee!!!!!!!!!!

Mrsblogalot said...
January 25, 2010 at 5:05 PM

Is it scary that I have had the same exact reality TV thought? Many. Many. Times?

Folks wouldn't know what hit 'em!

Ah to dream....

Now if we could just get a house to clean itself...I'd think we'd have something there (-:

Jen said...
January 25, 2010 at 5:33 PM

omg you have a GREAT Idea...lol

I was just thinking. what happened to MTV?

and I hear you about the cleaning too! ugh! :( Ive been watching six feet under and dexter and not cleaning!

Aunt Becky said...
January 25, 2010 at 5:43 PM

Ah, Real World. I haven't seen that show in, man, years. I didn't even realize it was still ON!

Heather said...
January 25, 2010 at 8:35 PM

Obsessive personality checking in here. Totally know what you mean. I'm in huge trouble over the weekend if I find a marathon of any type (and it is usually crap)! My house didn't get clean either, but f*ck it, I have sh*t to do.

Anonymous said...
January 25, 2010 at 9:07 PM

A great hot bath for at least a half hour, then a nice long shower, that will make you feel nice and pretty.

If I ate very poorly the day before, I can't feel fresh until all of it is out of my system, like friggin garlic for example!


Anonymous said...
January 25, 2010 at 10:02 PM

Umm. I would love to be counted in on that!

Anonymous said...
January 25, 2010 at 10:43 PM

Hello my name is Advocate Mom and I am totally addicted to television. Totally. Addicted. And I heart the drinking together idea. Big pink puffy hearts!

Vinomom said...
January 26, 2010 at 12:31 AM

I know you are canadian and all but seriously, how can you have never heard of The Real World? It was like the FIRST reality television show. It was good for the first few years, then it got trashy just like every other reality show.

BUT I LOOOOVE your idea! I actually think some tv exec would totally bite on that! You better pitch it before some asshole randomly reads this blog and says it was THEIR idea. Bitch has gotta get paaaiiid!

My mind is whizzing with the possibilities.

Danielle said...
January 26, 2010 at 1:54 PM

What ever you do, do not watch Jersy Shore if you have the addictive jean. It is just wrong in so many ways and yet...
I am in if MTV ever picks up your show idea!

gayle said...
January 26, 2010 at 7:48 PM

I so want in on that show...The ratings would go sky High!! We would rock......I know I am a gramme but I am a fun one!!

Wow ~~super job on your work out!!

Anonymous said...
January 27, 2010 at 9:13 PM

That is a great idea! I also think no one should know who writes what blog...aaaaaaaaaaah the drama!

Queen of Feisty said...
January 28, 2010 at 1:50 PM

I love Real World, and when they did Road Rules, and all the Inferno's, Challenges, and Duels they come up with. Yes you can watch it all online, plus the drama they can't show on t.v.! Yes I have watched ALL 23 seasons, love them, and can name MANY of the cast members. I have no shame on it. I am just addicted to watching young people drama, and wish I looked as good as those girls do (I did when I was their age, amazing what 11 years can do for ones body)

I want in on the house. Real Bloggers losing weight reality show. I would be in the corner taking pictures of myself in my 11 year old club clothes, laughing at my fat rolling out of my see through bra shirt. Tell me where to sign up.