Fragment Friday's

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Mommy's Idea

I can't seem to gather my thoughts together to write an intelligent (I use the word intelligent in the loosest manner possible) post so you're getting fragments of my mind. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Fragment One
I went to yoga for the VERY first time in my life last night. I don't think the instructor had any idea this was my first class...I was full of  swan-like grace, amazing feats of balance, and muttered curse words emanating from the back of the room.  I was like a fucking elephant in a china shop people. I went for a half hour run afterward and have never in all my life felt so good running. My hips and joints felt as though they were fluid. I was completely floored by the difference the hour of yoga made in my body. Will be making that a regular part of my routine.

Fragment Two
I just found out a coworker had emergency surgery last night. The doctors told him before surgery it was to repair a small tear in his large intestine. Today he has no large intestine and will carry his feces around in a bag on the outside of his body for the rest of his life. He's 43 and a sommelier at our Culinary school. Double whammy, right? I hate the fact that life can change so suddenly. Fuck

Fragment Three
This week at work I have been asked to work on three different projects that are outside of my normal job duties. All three are challenging but will see me putting in long hours. No, there will be no more pay. I thrive on the challenge and than bitch and complain about the stress. I seem to do this to myself every January. I'm an oxymoron...or just a moron perhaps.

Fragment Four
We're having a birthday celebration this evening for one of the girls in our group. Those who have read about my tequila escapades knows what this means.

Fragment Five
The kids have been with their dad this week. One would think this would be an opportune time to get the house cleaned on Monday evening thereby enabling one to enjoy a clean house for the entire week, right? Yeahhhhhh notsomuch. I think I emptied the dishwasher on Tuesday and that was it. Now I have to clean this weekend only to have the kids come home on Monday and destroy the cleanliness. It makes no sense, do not try to understand it. It pisses me off that I do this all.the.time.

Fragment Six
Speaking of the Ex, I have been looking into filing a divorce. We've been apart for almost 10 years but never divorced. I just learned that he can sue me for child support because I make a bit more money than he does (probably over 15 grand more a year....okay more than a bit...but goddammit). This makes me want to kill every fucking policy maker in Canada. I left yes. However, in what type of a warped fucking reality would it be "fair" to make me pay him child support when he lives in a house given to him by his parents (a house that WE lived in when we were married, that I walked away from without asking for a penny), he pays no mortgage, he pays no utilities beside his phones, he pays no upkeep on the house. And his girlfriend has lived with him for almost 9 years. I live on my own, I pay a mortgage, utilities, house upkeep blah blah blah.  And the kicker of it all, it wouldn't be him that would sue for support, he would actually never do that (I don't think). If she (I so want to call her the c very badly) had any idea of how much money I make......she would dance all the way to the court house to sue me for support on his behalf. And he would let her.

And you know something else, I believe in a 50/50 shared custody agreement, no man should have to pay child support either. Annnnnnd y'all are so going to kick my ass for saying that...

Fragment Seven
Thank fuck it's Friday.


Kat said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:13 PM

Amen, girl! If you have a 50/50 custody arrangement and the kids are actually living in both places, neither one should be paying child support! I agree! Also, I think those paying child support should pay an amount proportionate to the time they DO NOT have the child in their possession. they can beat me too!

April said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:17 PM

Well, my X is in jail, has never paid the child support (a mere $400 a month) ordered, is a drug addict and I have sole legal and full-time custody. I think every situation needs to be looked at individually.
Happy FF

Anonymous said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:28 PM

Would divorce prevent you from having to pay child support? (Sorry, I'm not familiar with Canadian law). You know what they say about "If it ain't broke, don't fix it?" The only reason I can see to get a divorce is if one of you wants to remarry. If you shake things up now just for the helluvit, it might provoke ex to file for CS.

I've ALWAYS wanted my husband to demand child support from his Ex. He has refused for 12 years, and now? Well, there's just no point in asking for it. She's already over $20k behind in CS to her 2nd husband and won't hold down a job for long. I'm resigned to the fact that we'll never see a dime.

Hey, have fun tonight. ;)

Yankee Girl said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:33 PM

Yoga is amazing. I haven't been to a class in a while, but I have a couple of videos that I don't pull out often enough.

And from what I hear, divorce can be pretty messy. I would avoid it for as long as possible. Or maybe get a really, really good lawyer.

Dual Mom said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:41 PM

Kat - I couldn't agree more.

April - you have the kids all the time - he's not offering any type of support - he should be paying to help offset the cost of raising children. It's as simple as that.

Sharon - filing for divorce would make me have to disclose my income to Ex (and therefor SHE would find out how much $$$ I make). So no, divorce wouldn't prevent me from having to pay. It's the fact that they have no idea right now I make as much money as I do. And it's not so much about shaking things's about me not wanting my house, my pension, my life savings, and everything I own going to him if something happens to my "legal" husband..he would get everything. Tell me how badly I'd roll over in my grave knowing SHE was spending my pension?

Terry said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:54 PM

When I got divorced there were no kids....that made it so easy to know, keep everything we got as wedding presents, make him sign a quit claim deed on the house we just bought and hadn't even moved into yet (so he had no right to it), mess up his motorcycle a litte bit with my sis, and let him go on his merry way :) I don't envy any one going thru a divorce when kids are involved....Do what you have to do, but like someone above commented, if it ain't broken then why fix it?

Terry said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:54 PM

When I got divorced there were no kids....that made it so easy to know, keep everything we got as wedding presents, make him sign a quit claim deed on the house we just bought and hadn't even moved into yet (so he had no right to it), mess up his motorcycle a litte bit with my sis, and let him go on his merry way :) I don't envy any one going thru a divorce when kids are involved....Do what you have to do, but like someone above commented, if it ain't broken then why fix it?

Anonymous said...
January 22, 2010 at 3:55 PM

Well if that is your reason for thinking about filing, just draw up a will. Does Canada not let a will trump marriage? If you want the kids to get stuff, you can always have it put in a trust for them til they are legal. (again, all I know is US law).
I love yoga, I don't run, but I hear that from every runner I know. That yoga makes them feel better when they run. So stick with it, as long as it feels good!
I cannot wait for the next installment of the tequila escapades, have fun tonight!

Drama Queen said...
January 22, 2010 at 4:42 PM

I am so with you on the house cleaning thing - every time my boys went to their dad's, I'd be like, yay - now I can clean. And then I wouldn't. Oh well. Good intentions.

Hear you on the divorce thing. I'm in the camp of not doing it unless you need to - let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak.

Have a great weekend!

Homesick Cajun said...
January 22, 2010 at 5:36 PM

I totally agree with you on the 50/50 and no child support thing! My ex paid so much child support that we had trouble paying our bills, and you know what the child support was spent on? really...crack! But the courts could never catch her with a dirty U.A.!

Hope you and tequila have a great night! ;0}

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
January 22, 2010 at 5:43 PM

YES!! I am so looking forward to the follow up blog on your evening out tonight. You do remember that your cougar post is what made me fall in love with you, right?

Anonymous said...
January 22, 2010 at 5:48 PM

I think you can change your beneficiaries on your insurance, etc. without getting a divorce. You might want to consult an attorney though.

adrienzgirl said...
January 22, 2010 at 7:23 PM

Good Lord woman. Get the fucking divorce already. Courts don't like to do joint/split custody arrangements because psychologists have determined that children need the stability of a singular home to call their own. SO...ask for primary residency. Usually it is given to the mom anyway, unless she is unfit or something. Which means, he will be ordered to pay child support. If you don't want the $$, put it in an account for the kids college fund or something.

Have fun tonight! Can't wait to hear what you all drink out of shoes or panties or body parts!

Anonymous said...
January 22, 2010 at 8:19 PM

Thank Fuck its Friday. Helllooooooo Fragment four!

Laura said...
January 22, 2010 at 10:06 PM

RUN don't WALK and get an attorney! Did I say RUN. Uh take it from me get there first. Not only did I work for a Judge, but also an attorney for six years & I also know that true 50/50 custody like we both do with our ex's is not standard in court systems so let me be clear you need an attorney & to filed FIRST. If the girlfriend wasn't involved I would doubt I would be so worried, but from what I've read in the past. You need to get this done.

Laura said...
January 22, 2010 at 10:09 PM

ps - courts will do a divorce like we both have (or I have) at it is UNCOMMON, but decent attorneys can get it done.

Actually since there isn't an issue with custody you can put down whatever needs to be for the court then do your own thing. However, my papers do say what days and how it is split as well as that "each party now and forever is bared from child support"

Alex said...
January 22, 2010 at 10:33 PM

Bits in a bag? Fuckity fuck fuck. That is awful.

Anything to do with child support and exes? I'd rather have my bits in a bag.

Mae Rae said...
January 23, 2010 at 12:14 AM

you know when you get to the bottom of the comments and there is nothing new to say. Well, I love number 7!

Vinomom said...
January 23, 2010 at 12:50 AM

I don't know Candian Law but I'm pretty sure here they take your income AND expenses into account. So while you might gross more, if you have a monthly mortgage and he doesn't, it doesn't seem to me you would have to pay support.

But I say get the divorce. It finalizes things, makes it over and done with. If one of you were to die tomorrow how would still being married affect you and your kids?

My daughter's grandparents never divorced and it was FUCKED up when he died of cancer before he even turned 50. Big mess.

On another note - glad you like the Yoga!

Anonymous said...
January 23, 2010 at 1:18 PM

I cant believe you liked yoga, or that your poor co-worker has to carry his poo in a bag, or that youre not divorced yet! Geez.

I hope you dont get ordered to pay child support. That would be just sucky.

MODG said...
January 23, 2010 at 6:15 PM

Me and yoga are not friends. I got a B- in college. I couldnt "make my own pose" whatever. They all had eating disorders.

Noelle said...
January 23, 2010 at 10:45 PM

geez, that sucks that your friend has to poo in a bag. i've always said a silent little prayer each night about this. i pray that if there were to be anything wrong with my health, please don't let it involve my butthole.

Tracie said...
January 24, 2010 at 10:07 AM

That is so terrible for your coworker. Life can change in an instant. Hard to remember sometimes.

PS As for the child support, I think it depends on the situation. In my situation if I should be rewarded for all the shit (literal and figurative) I've had to put up with/clean up all these years. In my imaginary divorce, you know.

gayle said...
January 25, 2010 at 12:07 AM

Sounds like you do need to get a really good lawyer and fast!!

Kaylen said...
January 25, 2010 at 12:44 AM

This was a lot!
I really want to try yoga, but haven't got off my ass long enough to try it. I have been walking a lot lately-hoping to be able to work up to a run by summer without my knees going bum on me.
I had an ass issue a couple years ago and I thought non-stop about how the doctor might be tired that morning or he had a fight with his wife the night before or he was maybe a wee bit sick and sneezed at the wrong time - and he would perforate my intestines accidently and my entire life would be fucked. It didn't happen, but it could at any time!!!
My job has been hellish this month. Ie's expected to be this way through mid-March. I might go insane by then.

I LOVE cleaning the house that first night I'm alone and reveling in how wonderful my house is the rest of the time. And then the kid comes home and it's like a hurricane....

Ten years not together with no divorce?? That's just crazy sounding!

Danielle said...
January 25, 2010 at 2:30 PM

10 years and no divorce? Why?
I am not even a year out and really antsy for him to sign the papers. I know it is just paper, but what if you won the lotto? :)

Aunt Juicebox said...
January 25, 2010 at 6:54 PM

I'm sorry about your coworker. That sucks worse than anything I've got going on.

I don't really agree about the 50/50 thing. If one parent makes a lot less money than the other one, to the point that it is difficult to feed, clothe and house the children, I think that the other parent should help out. Regardless of which one makes more. I don't think financial situation should prevent a parent from getting their child half the time, so yeah, if you are feeding your kid ramen noodles during your week, then the other parent should pay something. I don't think your situation is like that though. He seems to be living on easy street and doesn't need your money to take care of the kids.

Mrs4444 said...
January 28, 2010 at 3:28 PM

It's been years since I did yoga, but I remember having the same experience; it really does help, and I hope you keep up with it :)

That surgery thing is very scary!!

Thanks for joining in FF! I especially loved your oxymoron fragment-awesome.