Dreams of a Little Girl

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My 11-year old daughter sleeps with me. Yeah, I'm right there with ya...children should not sleep with their parents (or so I believed). None of my kids slept with me as babies.  I fell asleep once nursing Monty in bed and freaked the fuck out when I woke up. I was so scared I would smother him. I needed sleep like a crackwhore needs her next fix and I just could not sleep with a baby beside me.

I had a friend in high school who lived with her older sister. Older sister had 2 children, they were 4 and 2 at the time. Both children slept with their parents. Neither kid was toilet trained, they were mouthy, uncontrollable, holy hellion terrors. They were without a doubt the WORST kids I have ever met. It was not their fault, they had NO boundaries. I remember once when I said to one of the kids not to touch something, the mother said to me, "We don't tell the children they can't touch, everything in this home is theirs". Ummmm ok sure, fill your boots there on the hot stove little kid...just remind your Mom that the stove is YOUR'S when you burn the shit out of your little hand. So I guess I've always associated co-sleeping with those holy terrors.

I don't think I could parent small children in today's world. Parenting has changed so much over the last 15 years and I firmly believe alot of these changes haven't been in the best interest of our children. I could go on and on but chances are I would piss someone off, and though a knock down drag out argument about parenting styles can be full of the fun sometimes, I'll leave it at that for now.

This whole sleeping with me thing started about a year ago. She had a bad dream and came into my room at 3:00 in the morning and she was inconsolable so I pulled her up into bed with me. I almost lost my daughter when she was three years old, I willingly admit she holds the key to my heart. In the morning when I woke up, she was there, and I lay in bed watching her sleep. I'm guilty of not truly looking at my children often enough. I mean really looking at them. It had been a LONG time since I had taken the time to watch one of my kids sleep.  The boys would call me a freak and throw something at me if I attempted it with one of them. Looking at her I thought about my newborn daughter with the headfull of black hair, my gorgeous toddler who would squeal with delight when I came home from work, I thought about the fact that I almost didn't have this with her, that it was almost taken from me, and the memories filled my heart.

Anyway, that one night has turned into every night. She sleeps in her own room at her father's house and I once asked him if he had trouble getting her to bed (I was afraid that allowing her to sleep with me was screwing up her sleep at her dad's). He told me that she goes to bed at 8:30 on her own, they seldomly have to tell her it's bedtime.

She always goes to bed before I do but will give me a sleepy "good night" when I finally crawl into bed. I can't help but think it will not last long. She is 11 after all. There will come a time in the near future when she hates me. I know this. Teenage girls and their mothers are like oil and water. As with all things that are fleeting, I find myself treasuring the time.

The other morning I tickled her feet as I usually do to wake her up. She kicked at my hand while letting out a groan and said to me in a soft sleepy voice, "Mom, I was having a dream and you woke me up." Me, "It's time to get up hun, what were you dreaming about?" In the same beautiful, soft, sleepy, voice she replied, "I was in Candy Land, I was a unicorn and we were eating lollipops from the trees".

Wow. How awesome is that....a unicorn in Candy Land? I hope my baby always has dreams filled with beauty and wonder.


adrienzgirl said...
January 7, 2010 at 9:53 AM

Awww....what a sweet post. I wish my daughter was still sweet and eleven. She is 18 and, well, she's 18. That's about all. :D

blueviolet said...
January 7, 2010 at 10:16 AM

You mentioned that she'll pull away from you in the teen years but I promise you she'll come back and it will be even better than it is now! :)

ninekindsofcrazy said...
January 7, 2010 at 11:02 AM

I hope you never become oil and water. Your relationship with her is so sweet.

I just wondered how your boyfriend felt about your daughter occupying your bed.

Mae Rae said...
January 7, 2010 at 11:30 AM

That is probably on of the sweetest dreams I have ever heard. I am in awe about the fact that you wake her up by tickling her feet. That is the only way I can get my 8 year old up in the morning. I have been doing it for the past 4 years and my friend tells me I am mean for doing it. Hey, it works.

GunDiva said...
January 7, 2010 at 11:35 AM

My kids never slept with me when they were little, but will come lay down with me now that they are teenagers. Weird. Didn't really expect that turn of events, but when they don't feel well they'll climb in with me for a few minutes.

vinomom said...
January 7, 2010 at 11:36 AM

You must have done something way better than me. My daughter and I are already like oil and water and shes nine.

She does get into bed with me in the middle of the night fairly often. As long as she goes to bed in her own bed I don't mind her getting into bed with me in the night.

That was a super sweet post. I hope you guys skip over the whole teenager/mother/hate thing.

Dual Mom said...
January 7, 2010 at 11:39 AM

@ Nine - you have the no reply thing on and I can't email you a response to your comments!!! Arrghh

BF does not often stay over when kids are with me. If it happens that he does than she sleeps in her room. It's not that she won't sleep in her bed...it's that her suck ass mother is mush when it comes to her little girl.....

@ MaeRae - It does work..Nora usually giggles when I do it. Of course she's probably got a bit of sadistic streak in her....like her mother.

Menopausal New Mom said...
January 7, 2010 at 12:00 PM

What a nice relationship you have with your daughter. Mine is 3 1/2 and we take turns sleeping in her bed, it started when she had a bad cold but I swear, we like being with her more than she probably likes us there.

She's developing nicely so I don't think it's hurting her. If you almost lost your little girl, I can understand why you would want to be so close to her.

I loved your post and she has some beautiful dreams!

BTW, I posted my first Lose It Bitch update with a photo of my scales, I'll post again once I get back from vacation, Loving the Lose it Bitches blog site!

Yankee Girl said...
January 7, 2010 at 12:33 PM

Beautiful story. If you two are that close now, there is a chance she will not hate you.

My mom and I were closest when I was a teenager. I would come home from football games, dances or dates and crawl in bed with her to tell her all about it. Sometimes it would be in the middle of the night and other times it would be right after she went to sleep, but we both loved that time together.

Daffy said...
January 7, 2010 at 12:47 PM

I'm like you...enjoy it while you can.

Girl has never been a great sleeper but we had an awesome routine set and she was doing really well. Then over Christmas it all went to hell. We're back to rocking (after she's screamed and thrown herself across her crib for 30 minutes). She's getting more teeth though and I'm sure growing.

I love the time spent rocking with her (she will only sleep in her own room) but its totally draining me and after this week off from snow/weather I've got to start getting up at 4:30am again. It's gonna be a bitch.

Each night I swear we're going to start the cry it out thing the following evening. It just doesn't work if both parents aren't in sync with it. Hubs can't stand to hear her cry....kills me too...but I understand it will be short lived.

Anyway, beautiful post. Sorry I bitched in the comments.

Danielle said...
January 7, 2010 at 1:59 PM

I should not admit this, but since I am going through a divorce, we are living at my parents and share 1 bedroom. (My daughter and I). We are sleeping in the same bed. I would never have done this if it weren't for our situation, but now, I LOVE IT. Geesh. I scare my self with this.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
January 7, 2010 at 2:46 PM

Oh Wow! I would kill to go back to having dreams like that!! Great post as usual!

That One Mom said...
January 7, 2010 at 3:20 PM

My Girl climbs into bed with me from time to time. I love to snuggle with her skinny little butt... Lately I seem to like her a lot more while she's sleeping, so I don't mind her crawling in with me.

Kaylen said...
January 7, 2010 at 4:22 PM

That is sweet. Yes, she might be oil to your vinegar, but you will still have nights where she is the bunny in your bed. :)

I let my son sleep with me when I first got divorced. He was three. I really struggled with kicking him out of my bed when he was 8. It was most definitely time (for me). He still will lay on my bed and chat with me but he's a teenage boy---he needs his own sleeping space. I appreciate him not sleepign in my bed, but I have great memories of my little boo in my bed.

Carol said...
January 7, 2010 at 5:17 PM

What a sweet dream, must be the sweet love you shower her with.

I miss my baby girl and she is 23. When she does come home we still tend to snuggle up in bed and talk.

AJ said...
January 7, 2010 at 6:02 PM

sweet! I love it.

My little angel is 4... but I hardly ever sleep with her or let her sleep with me... I'm selfish like that!

AJ said...
January 7, 2010 at 6:04 PM

ps I am your newest follower.. I invite you to follow too! :)

gayle said...
January 7, 2010 at 7:17 PM

I love this post so much!! If I had read this when I was in my twentys... I would have thought that's terrible. Isn't it interesting how we change. Because now I say how Wonderful!! Enjoy it!! It's not hurting anyone. I never let my kids sleep with me and my husband ..mostly because it was frowned upon and our bed was to small. But now my 3 year old grandson sleeps with us when he spends the night and I love it and I am sad that I didn't let my daughters do this.Enjoy this time you have. You know what??!! I have a feeling that you and your daughter
are going to have a great relationship when she's a teen!!

Noelle said...
January 8, 2010 at 1:22 AM

my boys did not ever sleep with me/us but my 3 year old daughter does. she didn't used to...she used to sleep in her own bed and go to bed without any problems but when we moved from alaska, she never really "connected" with her room. my husband is gone all the time so it was easy to just have her come in bed with me. i love it...she is such a cuddler. maybe it's bad...but maybe not. who knows. all i know is, she's my baby, my only girl, my last child...and i love this time we have together.

Nathanael Rey said...
January 8, 2010 at 3:09 AM

Aww. I am totally jealous!!! I wish my dreams were about unicorns in candyland.... I have some crazy dreams... most times nightmares... booo

anyway, I totally agree with you about parenting... coming from a 21 year old haha.

Anonymous said...
January 8, 2010 at 11:39 AM

What a great resource!

Belle said...
January 8, 2010 at 1:57 PM

I want to dream of unicorns and candyland! That's so adorably sweet. I would snuggle her too.

Jay Ferris said...
January 8, 2010 at 2:03 PM

Old school parenting is still alive and well at my house; feel free to ask them yourself once they get done working the fields.

Quixotic said...
January 8, 2010 at 5:52 PM

Aw, that is sweet. We co-slept with my daughter, and at about 6 mths transitioned her into her cot, with no real drama, she had her days sleeps in there anyway. It's only now that she 2 1/2 and moved to a big girl bed that we have problems with midnight visits!

BTW Thanks for visiting my blog, glad I came to see you!

Aunt Juicebox said...
January 9, 2010 at 5:28 PM

Not all moms and daughters have bad relationships. Maybe you'll get lucky. lol I argue like crazy with my daughter, mostly because she just can't wrap her head around doing what she's told, and you know me, I tolerate nothing. She is wasting her time and she's as stubborn as me, but she will do what I say eventually. Like Friday, when she had her orientation to go to and it was 10 degrees outside and she didn't want to wear a long sleeve shirt. She wasted time and had to put on her makeup in the car because she fought with me about it. Um, yeah - do what I say NOW or we go nowhere. Sigh. It really is frustrating.

Queen of Feisty said...
January 9, 2010 at 6:46 PM

Co-sleeping you ask? Not for me. I agree with you I am a sleep crack whore, don't fuck with my sleep.

Parenting is much different, I SO wouldn't want to do it in another 15 year with little kids.

I do go to my daughter if she has a nightmare, as I will my son. I stay in her room till she falls asleep, or is calmed down.

But when you say you almost lost her at the age of three, it makes me say it's ok. I would cling to my daughter more then I do now. I am not a tough mom, but I am a "I need my space as do you" mom. And I think that each family is different. Boundries never being established is one thing, but making you and her sleep better at night is another. You seem like a good mom, and like you said at the age of 11, it will probably end soon.

You and your daughter seem sweet together, I am sure there will be fights. As I did with my mom. But even though I had my bratty teen years, I would often leave my mom love notes appologizing for my attitude.

And when she gets older she will need you just as much as she does now. I did with my mom.

I hope my daughter dreams of candy land and unicorns farting rainbows too.


kys said...
January 10, 2010 at 6:35 PM

Awww. I wish I had a daughter.

Not bad enough to actively seek out a sperm donor. But still...,

Jennifer said...
January 11, 2010 at 7:45 PM

I still slept in bed with my Mom off and on until I was 18. I still have occasionally since being an adult. I miss her. (She lives in another state and I dont think either of our husbands would understand considering neither one of them has EVER been a Mother or a Daughter.) I love my Mom so much!!! Heres to you and your babys lollipop dreams!!