Getting In On The Action

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Think Tank Momma

I know it's almost Wednesday. However, Zgirl over at the Think Tank has come up with a fabfun new thingamabopperthingy for all you snarcastic bloggers. Thank you notes Tuesday with a twist. I couldn't let her grand unveiling pass by without participating. So even though I'm a day late, here's your chance to get in on the fun.

Dear Co-worker,
Thank you so much for the lovely sarcasm dripping from the words of your email . I really do love starting my morning with a cup of coffee and a bullshit email. While I realize you could be just having a really shitty day,and I appreciate a sarcastic snip as much as the next girl, can I recommend you proofread your emails before replying to an innocent inquiry made on my part? I have no problem dealing with a craptastic attitude when I deserve it, however, I've been known to slap a bitch when she gives me attitude that I don't deserve. You do understand that your budget has to go through my office before it's approved, right? Consider yourself warned.

Dear Sons of mine,
You have the next four days off of school. I'm so happy for you. This means, of course, that I'll need to buy double the groceries because when you roll out of bed at noon you'll be hungry. Sleeping is hard work, I know, my poor darlings. Stock up so you'll have lots of energy for playing those video games. By the way, when I come home from work that list of chores I left for each of you better be done. You know damn well I will not hesitate to kick you squarely in the arsehole. Thanking you in advance.

Dear High School,
No exams for general courses? Ingenious fucking plan. Way to challenge the students and teach them the value of hard work. And giving them the entire week off, brilliant. Really. It's no wonder you guys were put in charge of teaching and shaping the next generation. I feel so confident that my children are receiving a quality education. Thank you.

Dear scales,
I'm sorry I ripped your guts out. Really I am. But  you had it coming. Your lack of cooperation is nothing short of mind boggling . You really should sit down for a chat with Mr. Treadmill, he'll set you straight on how hard I've been working. You'll be back on the losing track next week, right? Thanksomuch

Dear Weather,
-24 last week which was typical east coast weather. +7 today. Should I get my summer clothes back out? Could you make up your damn mind please? It's cold, it's warm, it's cold, oh wait now I'll blow some 100km winds just for shits and giggles and rain like a mofo. The yo yo is getting old, fast. And these temperature fluctuations, oh they do just grand things with the dirt road I live on. Just be winter already and get it the fuck over with please? Thank you.

Dear CTV,
Airing the entire Season 5 of Lost one week before the start of Season 6? Really? Fuck you're killing me here. Like the wait hasn't been bad enough now I have to contend with you dangling these recaps in front of me. Just put me in a coma until next Tuesday, please? Thank you!

Ahhhh that feels better. The world would be such a dark, terrible place without sarcasm, non?


Anonymous said...
January 27, 2010 at 12:34 AM

I agree!

Heather said...
January 27, 2010 at 12:49 AM

OMG that felt sooooo good!

That One Mom said...
January 27, 2010 at 1:05 AM

Hehehe, this weather BLOWS!!! Is it April yet?

Anonymous said...
January 27, 2010 at 4:07 AM

Ha ha!! Love your not so thankful thank you's!

No exams? I wish I could have gone to school there.

Anonymous said...
January 27, 2010 at 5:30 AM

ha ha, love your work. Hmm I should be writing one to the weather gods who dropped a cyclone on us in the middle of a freaking FOUR DAY weekend!!!

Anonymous said...
January 27, 2010 at 8:06 AM

Oh Mr Bossman, may I come in early and work late every day, for no extra pay, skip the 2 ten-minute smoke breaks since I don't smoke, just keep working in this dull place, and oh yes, I don't need a raise this year either.


BigSis said...
January 27, 2010 at 9:04 AM

Feel better? I do. Thank YOU for a great laught this morning!

Anonymous said...
January 27, 2010 at 9:34 AM

I totally want to write some of these!!

Daffy said...
January 27, 2010 at 9:45 AM

Hell to the mo-fo YES! I do believe Thank You Note Tuesday will be the new light of my week (thanks for extending the brightness to my Wednesday!).

Coffee and bullshit email....I think that is a work staple these days....

Boys - no chores? NO FOOD

As for the scale? Acting up on you? I've always found a that tossing said scale from a second or third story window results in fixing the problem 100% of the time...justathought

Danielle said...
January 27, 2010 at 12:19 PM

That was awesome. If your treadmill and scale get on the same page, I am using this!

adrienzgirl said...
January 27, 2010 at 12:40 PM

Squee.....I love this! You have a gift my dear. Seething sarcasm looks so good on you!

So therapeutic!

Kat said...
January 27, 2010 at 12:56 PM

OH man, those co-workers. And the SCALE! I wait until I get the best reading of the morning before I do my Wednesday weightloss post. The damned thing is psychotic!

January 27, 2010 at 2:05 PM

oh my goodness. remind me to stay on your good side

i'm a bit afraid now


Yankee Girl said...
January 27, 2010 at 3:11 PM

I think every company in America should close down on Feb. 3 because no one will be getting any work done anyway. We will all just be blogging/emailing/facebooking about the season premiere of LOST!

Anonymous said...
January 27, 2010 at 3:27 PM

i totally tagged this in my new post, i hope you don;t mind!

Laura said...
January 27, 2010 at 4:31 PM

Sure your sons aren't related to my sons or for that matter my step daughter?

Queen of Feisty said...
January 28, 2010 at 1:39 PM

I laugh at my friends in warmer states who whine at 30's and 40's. Shit that's our whole spring! Love the Chicago weather too. Rain, snow, wind, clouds, blah.

The LOST thing. Fuck me too. Jesus could they make us wait anyfuckinglonger?!

And with out sarcasm I would not exist.


Mrs4444 said...
January 28, 2010 at 3:22 PM

Wow, a week off, even though they don't have exams? That's just dumb. I think it's time for a visit to the school board (if you have one, haha!)

June said...
January 28, 2010 at 4:43 PM

You are my kind of parent because Pinkus was given the same list with the same warning!

The change in temp is a killer, I agree.

Corrie Howe said...
January 29, 2010 at 9:18 PM

The snow is coming our way. I was thinking just when illness has departed the house and I will have a week at home with no kids...the snow comes.

The Only Girl said...
January 30, 2010 at 9:42 PM

ha! Loved this. More! More!