Screw You and Your ADD

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When Monty was in grade 3 or 4, I can't remember which (I have dementia and have lived a very full life and can't be expected to remember every damn thing), a teacher tried to tell me he had all the classic symptoms of ADD. I bitch slapped her and told her if she ever called my son an add again I'd have her fired. Yeah, I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. I was a young, a first time mom who knew shit about shit.

So like all good mothers, I turned to Dr. Google, who at the time was really just an infant model of the giant he would later become. The classic symptoms of ADD, inability to concentrate, fidgeting,  difficulty finishing homework etc etc, were classic Monty. But the other symptoms, often in trouble, speaking out of turn, trouble sitting for extended periods of time, were so off kilter with Monty's personality that I had difficulty swallowing this teacher's armchair diagnosis. At this point I had been through three grades of parent teacher interviews. Without exception, each interview had the teachers praising Monty's social behavior, his kindness toward others and the fact that he used please and thank you on a regular basis (apparently quite an abnormality for kids of his age at that time). His academic progress was in the toilet but socially this child excelled.

At the teacher's recommendation I took Monty to our family doctor. I explained to the doctor that his teacher was smoking crack and I didn't want the crack whore cutting me so I was doing this to placate her. Doc laughed at me and decided to send Monty for a hearing test. Hearing test came back perfect. To make a long story short Monty was finally "assessed" and this assessment indicated with a resounding NO YOU FUCKING idiot, this child does not have ADD.

Monty has been in school for 12 years and he no more has ADD than I do. Or so I thought, until this morning. My boss was showing me a pamphlet he had picked up at the drug store, which has six questions that will assess whether or not a person has Adult ADD. Boss had picked it up as a joke. We work with a guy that is classic ADD. Working with this guy is like working with the tasmanian devil. We'll frequently ask him if he's forgotten to take his ritalin (no, the guy does not take ritalin...he's at least 60 years old and spent a large majority of his career as a high school principal). Anydrugs.....I was looking at this pamphlet this morning, reading the questions, when I realized....holy hell....I can answer a resounding yes to all of these.

Fuck.

Then I went back to Dr. Google....who has grown infinitely since 2000 and I found this.



Results of your Attention Deficit Disorder Quiz


You scored a total of 73

It is highly likely that you are presently suffering from adult attention deficit disorder, according to your responses on this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately.

I need to seek further diagnosis according to Dr. Google. Now, I'm twenty sixteen years old (which sounds so much better than 36, right?) and if I do indeed have ADD, I've managed to function pretty damn well as an adult. I have a successful career, I manage to get shit done, albeit some days I just want to bitch slap everyone that crosses my path and drive a shiv into my jugular because I'm not what one would describe as a patient person, and idiots send me around the fucking bend. I've never been fired from a job (unless you count that one time when I was 16 and worked housekeeping at a hotel and was fired because the manager didn't like the fact that I reeked of alcohol EVERY Saturday morning when I showed up for work. It's not like I was still drunk from the night before...much). I haven't been kicked out of University classes recently, I manage an overall 89 average while working full-time, taking care of three kids, managing a home blah blah blah blah.


But I have to wonder...... if I do have ADD and received treatment for it........holy flying fuck I'd be SUPER.WOMAN. I could literally leap tall buildings in a single bound. I could find the cure for Cancer and eradicate starvation in third world countries. Mother Theresa would have nothing on me, the acts of human kindness I could perform if treated for my ADD, would blow your MIND bitches. I could be what society totally needs, a hero with great fucking shoes. I'm so doing a huge disservice to myself and the ENTIRE world by not seeking treatment, right?




In actuality, it would be more like this.








Does this mask make me look fat?




So would you like to find out if you have Adult ADD? I knew you would so here's the link. http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm

We can so start a support group, right?

Disclaimer: Neither of the pics above are actual photos of Dual Mom.

28 comments:

Noelle said...
January 15, 2010 at 10:33 AM

i'm gonna have to go take that test. i'm sure i've got it!

Sharon said...
January 15, 2010 at 10:34 AM

Where did you get that picture of me? LOL

Seriously, I wouldn't worry about seeking treatment based on Dr. Google's recommendations. My doctor has a cartoon on his door that pokes fun at people who self-diagnose based on internet findings. I wish I could find it to share.

Logical Libby said...
January 15, 2010 at 10:42 AM

I would think that if you could take the whole test you likely don't have ADD.
Oh, look, a bunny!

Secretia said...
January 15, 2010 at 11:01 AM

Too many people are searching for "convenient labels" to attach to everyone.

Secretia

wines constantly said...
January 15, 2010 at 11:22 AM

I've long suspected that I have ADD. It's quite the joke in my house. But I would never want to be medicated for it! Just part of my personality, as far as I'm concerned.

Also, I scored an 82 on that test. Whoopsies.

That One Mom said...
January 15, 2010 at 11:37 AM

You have no idea how much I loathe labels. The Girl seriously suffers from behavioral health issues and the number of labels and such they've tried to attach to her over the years blows me away. Really, I don't give a flying eff what their damn DVM book o'diagnosis say my daughter may or may not have, depending on what variety of "symptoms" she appears to be showing on that particular day. Just help her function!! Argh...

LOL, but the test for adults does sound funny...

June said...
January 15, 2010 at 11:57 AM

ADD
WTF
I am a classic case
Pinkus was too but the side effects were taking a toll and he still managed B's in school - imagine that!

Say NO to drugs
My tools:
Use lots of posty notes and lists
Pop-up calender reminders on phone and pc
Talk to self frequently

Mae Rae said...
January 15, 2010 at 12:04 PM

Since you are a follower of my blog, I do not have to tell you that I am a self diagnosed sufferer of ADODYSTC and ADOS. BTW, WTF, I have gotten to the point were my life is nothing but initials, LMAO.

advocatemom said...
January 15, 2010 at 12:06 PM

I scored a 72. If I do have ADD, I definately got it from raising my kids! :-)

Vinomom said...
January 15, 2010 at 12:29 PM

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD but I have long suspected she has a mood disorder as opposed to ADHD. Her school work is fine, it's the behavior that is the problem!

Love the mask, Superwoman! :)

Aunt Juicebox said...
January 15, 2010 at 1:02 PM

My results were "mild" adhd possible. And mostly I think it's my OCD that sort of gives a false "positive" to this. I've known people who have been diagnosed with adult adhd and have lived very successful lives, so I don't think it's an indicator of failure.

Daffy said...
January 15, 2010 at 2:39 PM

Life

It's called LIFE

Terry said...
January 15, 2010 at 5:07 PM

You are hilarious!! Seriously though, my DD has been diagnosed with ADD...she's on a medication patch which has seriously helped with her ability to focus in class. At home...no difference if she has it on or not. One thing I DO know, is it makes her not have an appetite...hmmmm..you see where this is going? Would you like a quarter of a patch?? I can fax it.....
Thanks for the laugh!

And btw...I was so againt the med for her, yet when it worked for her schooling, I had to agree....becuz without it, I imagine her poor little brain on overdrive and how sad and confusing that must be!!

Terry said...
January 15, 2010 at 5:07 PM

You are hilarious!! Seriously though, my DD has been diagnosed with ADD...she's on a medication patch which has seriously helped with her ability to focus in class. At home...no difference if she has it on or not. One thing I DO know, is it makes her not have an appetite...hmmmm..you see where this is going? Would you like a quarter of a patch?? I can fax it.....
Thanks for the laugh!

And btw...I was so againt the med for her, yet when it worked for her schooling, I had to agree....becuz without it, I imagine her poor little brain on overdrive and how sad and confusing that must be!!

adrienzgirl said...
January 15, 2010 at 5:29 PM

Damn you Dual Mom. Now you are going to make me get all technical and shit.

So I have two children with ADD.

One is ADD, not hyperactive. He is easily distracted and was not progressing academically as he should have been due to his inability to concentrate. Within 6 weeks of being medicated he was performing on grade level, where he had been a potential retainee prior to the meds.

The other is ADHD. He is the classic, can't sit still. Can't shut his flap trap. Touching others. Picking at others. Up and down, always on HYPERDRIVE. He can get his work done without the meds because he is highly gifted but would disrupt the entire class and possibly school without his meds.

Me? I didn't take them as a child but require them to stay on task as an adult.

So...there are two classic flavors of ADD.

The distractor.
The distracted.

miss*H said...
January 15, 2010 at 5:49 PM

that’s hilarious :)
I started the test bit then got bored and distracted and gave up. .I guess that means I have ADHD right?

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
January 15, 2010 at 6:05 PM

just the mere fact that you said you were twenty-sixteen clued me in that you do indeed have ADD!

and just as quickly realized that I will immediately tell people I am twenty-twelve.

it takes one to know one, right?

blueviolet said...
January 15, 2010 at 6:09 PM

I'll bet I have it too. I'm going to go take that quiz.

You're superwoman, regardless! :)

Quixotic said...
January 15, 2010 at 7:05 PM

I got 69 - moderate ADD likely. Perosnally, I think it makes for a more interesting person!!! lol

Nathanael Rey said...
January 15, 2010 at 8:41 PM

SO, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with ADHD last year and I asked why the hell didn't anyone say anything sooner?

He said that I am smart enough to work around my disorder. :-)

unfortunately this led to a slight form of OCD. I am going to take the test right now, lol.

Nathanael Rey said...
January 15, 2010 at 8:43 PM

HAHAHAHA! I scored 100.


damn, i didn't realize how bad i am.

Kat said...
January 15, 2010 at 9:02 PM

Woohoo! I'm an 85! LOL! I can HELP you save the world!!

Cassie said...
January 15, 2010 at 9:04 PM

I'm gonna go take that test. I probably have it too LOL

Homesick Cajun said...
January 15, 2010 at 9:45 PM

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and placed on Adderall XR and it was a godsend! For the first time in my life I was able to complete my housecleaning in one day.

I recently told a friend of mine a story that I told the dr when I was diagnosed about cleaning my house and a glass of tea that was on my nightstand that I meant to pick up but never quite got around to it! Lol...she said it sounded like an episode of the three stooges. It was funny but if you were me, it's a pain in the ass having to live with the three stooges in your head!

BTW I scored 108 on the test! lol...

kys said...
January 16, 2010 at 2:30 PM

Nobody was supposed to take my picture at that party. Asshats.

qandlequeen said...
January 16, 2010 at 11:21 PM

NINETY-TWO PERCENT! HA! As if that were ever in question.

Yeah, my 92 totally trumps your seventy-whatever. WOOOO!!! I love winning games.

I just looked further up the screen and saw someone else got 108%. How is that even possible? Cheater.

So Cheater is disqualified and I WIN! WOOT!

gayle said...
January 17, 2010 at 12:01 AM

I never thought I had it but lately I don't know...I'm going to go take the test!! I have several kids in my room with ADD and ADHD but their parents don't want to admit it and we can't suggest it. If a kid truely has it the Meds really do work but if a kid doesn't have it then the med don't work!!

GregoryJ said...
January 17, 2010 at 5:12 PM

You scored a total of 52

You appear to be suffering from a moderate amount of attention and concentration difficulties

I knew that. so WTF do I do?
Nothing, thanks.

Thanks for the lead.
GregoryJ