They Are Mine...And You Can't Have Them

I often get asked by people in real life how I make the whole shared parenting thing work.  It is not easy, make no mistake about it. My life would be so much simpler if Ex picked up the kids on the weekend and dropped them back off to me on Sunday evening. The shitload of child support he'd be required to give me would totally support my shoe addiction. However, this would not be "in the best interest of the children".

We're both fit parents, as much as I totally sucked hard at being a wife and he was a complete assdink husband, suprisingly enough we have our shit together when it comes to this whole parenting thing. We always have. It helps that we share the same views when it comes to parenting: at 8 years old you don't get to determine what time you go to bed...you have a bedtime, sometimes "time out" just doesn't cut it and if you're being a complete asshole and throwing a fit over nothing at all you will get a slap in the butt, you bet your sweet ass you're grounded for life if you get in shit at school or backtalk to an adult. If you want an allowance you're going to contribute something to the running of the house, money does not grow on fucking trees. We are so not new age parents. New age parents are fine, we've just never gone for that parenting style.

Another thing I often hear is that it is not fair to expect a child to live in two different home. Yes, it is an adjustment. Let's look at the alternatives: stay together for the sake of the children, or expect the child to forfeit part of his or her relationship with their father (or mother, but it's usually the father). Neither of those seems like a win/win situation to me. I can guarenfuckingtee that had Ex and I stayed together for the kids, one of us would be serving a life sentence in a cozy 8x8 cell right now. Being patted down before visiting mommy or daddy at the local penetentiary makes for really well-rounded kids, doesn't it?

My friends think I'm off my rocker because I do not make Ex pay child support. I may well be off my rocker, but my response is "Why would I?"(shoe addiction aside). He has them for an equal amount of time. School related expenses, eye glasses, and all other miscellaneous things are shared equally between us. He buys them clothes to wear when they are with him, I buy them clothes to wear here. It's simple math (even for a math tard like me).
I get that break ups are hard. I get that there is often anger, feelings of betrayal and yes, even hatred. I think it's a parent's responsibility when seperating/divorcing  to look at your kids and ask yourself, "Am I doing this(fighting for custody) because it is going to make my child happy, or am I doing this because I hate the motherfucking sperm/egg donor and my sole purpose in life at this moment is to make that son of a bitch suffer to the very core of his/her being?" If it's the latter, yeah you might want to talk to someone about your anger issues.

Shared parenting is totally inconvenient and a pain in the arse......at first. Then again, kids in general are a pain in the arse most times. As with all things in life, there is a silver lining. I couldn't drink tequila from a shoe on my birthday, in a really fancy restaurant, with all of my BFF's if my kids were with me full-time. If I were a single mother, in the true sense of the word, I'm pretty sure I'd be addicted to prozac and a raging alcholic. Kuddos to you guys and gals out there doing it solo. I know for a fact I couldn't. I have time to be me, which is something that alot of moms/dads don't have. The kids always have a parent with them. Always. Appointments, meetings, work stuff, life stuff is scheduled, by both Ex and I, during the time when the kids are with the other parent.

So I encourage all of you to leave your spouses and do the whole shared parenting thing.



*silence*


Ha...you thought I was serious, didn't you?

Seriously, it is not all bad. It is what you make of it or some deep shit like that.

Of course, throw a girlfriend who should be cursed with the pox and a raging case of chlamydia into the mix, and all bets are off. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm going back to see how many times, since I've started blogging, I've wished an STD on Ex's girlfriend. I'll burn in hell I tell ya.