I Can't Be The Grinch

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I seem to be very Grinch-like this year. I have no shopping done, the outside lights are in a tangled mess on the patio (I'm hoping they'll just miraculously untangle and hang themselves), I scowled at the line of kids waiting to see Santa at the mall. I actually SCOWLED at them. The thought of dragging the boxes of decorations in from the garage makes me want to hang myself right alongside the outside lights. My friend tried to play a Christmas cd in my car the other day and I almost threw her and the CD out the window. Who carries a Christmas cd in their purse?

I need to make a concerted effort to shake myself of this Grinch like attitude. Think of the children Dual Mom!!!! So in that vain here goes a Christmas meme blatantly stolen borrowed from Kys over at this awesome blog.

(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?

Fuck this is going to be difficult isn't it? I didn't sign up for difficult. Ok, let me think...the one where all the teenagers are in the house together and the ax murder is in the woods...oh wait that's not an xmas movie, is it? Ok hold on...I got it. The one where the detective is interviewing the murder suspect and she is sitting in the chair all sexy-like and she uncrosses her legs and she has no panties on...oh wait...no that's not a Christmas movie either.

Miracle on 34th Street - it makes me cry every year.

(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?

Charlie Brown's Christmas. Charlie Brown bugs me, and the dude with the stinky blanket...like what the hell is that? You just know Lucy's a whore, right?

(3) What is your favorite Christmas Song?

Damn, damn damn damn. I'll Be Home For Christmas. It was my mother's favorite song. I remember her singing it to herself with tears in her eyes during the holidays when my older sister couldn't come home. It's a love/hate thing. I love it because it brings vivid memories of my mom to mind. I hate it because it brings vivid memories of my mom to mind. Now I'm going to cry. Thanks stupid meme.

I miss my mother and therein lies the crux of the problem. Every year I try to not miss her, I try not to let this time of year be overhadowed by her absence and every year I fail. I fail miserably.

(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I mean c'mon. What's the chances the dude really had a red nose?

(5) What is your favorite Christmas drink?

Ohhh I like this question. Coffee and Bailey's.
My homemade sangria (I shit you not it would ruin you for any other xmas drink....for life...it is THAT good. I could convert recovering alcoholics with this shit it is so good.)

(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?

Ok this walk down memory lane - doing nothing for my Christmas spririt.

I was 16. My older sister (who was in Toronto) was not coming home for Christmas. She was a student at the time and just couldn't afford the plane ticket.  My mom was raising us (four of us) on her own and could not afford the plane ticket. Mum was devastated. Christmas eve we were sitting in the living room trying very hard  to be jolly and happy. It wasn't working too well let me tell you. The front door opened and my mother, thinking it was a friend of one of her kids, immediately shouted "Take your damn shoes off, I just scrubbed the floor". (Because my mother liked to scrub the floor on xmas eve and she hated when we wore our shoes in the house).

Sister popped her head around the living room door and said: "Ah Mom, do I have to?".  I have never seen Mum so thoroughly shocked. Sister probably sold her body to get the plane ticket home, I'm not sure. Somehow she managed it, and showed up at 7:30 on Christmas Eve without telling anyone that she was coming. I can't describe how happy it made Mum and in turn the rest of us.

(7) What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?

Cabbage patch doll when I was 11. I think Mum sold her soul to get it for me.

(8) What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?

Nothing, the first Xmas after Ex and I broke up. Yeah that was a good gift. Surprisingly enough, I was so damn happy to be free that it didn't really bother me.

(9) What do you LOVE about the holidays?

Not having to work for almost two weeks ... WOOT WOOT!!!

Waking my kids up on Christmas morning, and then forcing them to wait until the coffee is ready before they start opening presents. Their excitement is palpable and I love the feeling of it.

(10) What annoys you about the holidays?

Having to share my kids with Ex and bitch face.

(11) Do you prefer star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else?


(12) What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?

Icelandic Christmas cake (another Mum memory)
Cherry balls

I have a recipe book my mother made for me. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it was her last xmas present to me. She compiled all of my favorite recipes from my childhood and put them in this book. Each recipe she wrote out by hand and included some little memory from my childhood at the bottom.

Do this for your daughters when they get older, it will one day be their most cherished possession.

Ok crying again.

(13) Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime?

I'm a Grinch this year, though normally a Who. Do I get points for trying though?

(14) Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?

Love them, especially all white lights.

(15) Santas at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?

Totally depends on the Santa. A Santa that reeks of bourbon is pretty creepy and generally makes parents a bit leary.
For the love of all that is holy, don't make your kid sit on Santa's knee if they do not want to.

(16) Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?

No, and the ones I receive, I read them and throw them out. My bad.

(17) What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion?

Homemade sangria.

Lots of food and spending time with my brother and his family (even though his kids drive me nuts). I love my brother. I love the pics I have of my kids and my nephews hamming it up for the camera on Christmas day.

(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?

Missing Mum.

Spending an hour on Christmas eve looking for boxes to wrap presents because I don't have my shit together and realize at the 11th hour that I'm short 3 boxes.

(19) When do you put the tree up and take it down?

I'm a real slacker in this area. It goes up the week before Christmas and comes down the week after. Pine needles all over the floor drives me absolutely insane and I hate fake trees even more than pine needles.

(20) Out of the 12 days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your truelove to give to you?

Must google song...just a sec.

Golden rings - but white gold please, I'm not a yellow gold kind of gal. Precious stones in said golden rings would be kinda good too.

(21) Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?

She was drunk, obviously.

(22) Who is your favorite reindeer?

Dancer - who doesn't like a dancing reindeer?

(23) Do you believe in Santa Claus?

I would like to, but no.

(24) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?

Pine trees and nutmeg.

(25) What would make you happy at Christmas this year?

This is just a mean damn question. Mean meme....

So yeah, this worked really well. I feel so much more festive now. Thanks meme. Fucker.


Anonymous said...
December 1, 2009 at 11:08 AM

And now I'm crying from reading parts of this. I too am sharing custody of kiddos and this Christmas they are with him and his slut, I mean wife. I don't even want to do Christmas without the kids here. Anyway, I feel for ya.

Crying in Texas,

Aunt Juicebox said...
December 1, 2009 at 11:54 AM

I'm so sorry about your mom. I know mine annoys the hell out of me, but at least I've still got her around.

One of my favorite gifts was a Cabbage Patch doll too. My (step) grandma got it for me, and it wasn't even a holiday or anything. Despite all the other shitty stuff she did the rest of her life, I harbor very little ill will towards her because of that doll.

Vinomom said...
December 1, 2009 at 12:43 PM

Guess whos gonna be stealing this next?

Sorry not having your mom around is so hard for you during the holidays. I loved the story about your older sister surprising her.

And now all I want for Christmas is your Sangria! Can you mail that?

adrienzgirl said...
December 1, 2009 at 5:54 PM

God you know you have found a blog winner when the words make you laugh and cry!

LOVE! *hugs*

Dual Mom said...
December 1, 2009 at 6:44 PM

Ahh Stephanie, please don't cry, it was not my intent to make you cry. I'll send you some sangria if you stop. It will help with the pain of not having your kids with you.

AJ - mine used to annoy me too. What I would give now to have one more Christmas with her.

VMom - it's a great story. It makes me smile whenever I think of it. (and you need to turn the no reply off so I can reply via email to your comments - damn girl get your shit together would ya)Would US customs let me send alcohol through the mail? I would so send you sangria.

AGirl - thank you. Thank you so much for saying that.

Daffy said...
December 1, 2009 at 10:05 PM

Mercy I laughed out loud with that comic. Perfect. I think I might print it and hang it in my office.


Cheers to you my Grinchy friend!

kys said...
December 1, 2009 at 10:50 PM

I hooted when I read that Lucy is a whore. And the homemade sangria? Thats sounds wonderful! This was one of the best things I read all day. You are really talented to make a little meme so special.

dadshouse said...
December 2, 2009 at 11:00 AM

I pulled a Tom Sawyer this year and got my son to help hang the lights. He loved climbing the ladder!

Charlie Brown Xmas sucks, indeed.

Jacob said...
December 2, 2009 at 2:21 PM

Lucy's not a whore. Worse. She's a tease. She yanks that ball away every time, just when you think she's finally going to let you do it.

December 2, 2009 at 3:36 PM

i can't imagine not having my kids for christmas. can't even begin to imagine it. does this mean i need to remain married to this ass forever to avoid that situation?

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...
December 3, 2009 at 12:24 AM

Damn. I loved this post. My best friend tells me all the time to appreciate my mom because once she is gone you will have no idea how much you will miss her.

And that cartoon. Warped. Where did you find it?

Raoulysgirl said...
December 3, 2009 at 2:40 PM

I came over from Aunt Juicebox's. I love this post! The cookbook? I'm in the process of making one for each girl (8 & 3).

I'm a new follower!

Kristin said...
December 4, 2009 at 11:30 PM

I don't suppose that sangria recipe is up for grabs?