Merry Christmas Y'all

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It's 9:30 on Christmas morning and can I just tell you how much I hate not having my kids with me? Oh my god it sucks dirty monkey balls, it really does. I feel wrong, everything feels wrong. The presents are all wrapped under the tree, I have my Christmas pj's on and it's Christmas morning but it's so quiet. Will you please join me in wishing a raging case of the gonorrhea on SWSNBN? If it weren't for her my kids would be with me right now. I get that I'll burn in hell for wishing such a thing on another human on Christmas day. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

So to entertain myself I thought I would write about my exciting day yesterday. It started out sedately enough. I actually slept in until 9:00am. Upon arising I drank a pot of coffee, cleaned up the mess from my party the night before, wrapped some presents and then got ready to go in town. I had no reason to go shopping, but I was bored. So I hop in the car and as I'm driving down the road this car comes flying up behind me. I'm in a small community, we're not driving on a highway, and I'm doing slightly over the speed limit. This chick is in one helluva hurry and has to forcefully brake to avoid hitting me. I gueestimate she was probably doing about 50km over the speed limit. She can't pass me so I speed up a bit which has me going about 15-20km over the speed limit. I refuse to drive any faster. She is pissed. I'm watching her in my rearview mirror and her hands are going and she's talking on her cell phone and she's craning her neck out her side window to see if there's an opportunity to pass me, all the while I'm thinking...where the hell's the fire lady?

So we come to a set of lights and we're both turning left into town. The light is green, I wait for a few cars to go through, there's a small break in the traffic, I scoot out and turn. I realize she's turning right behind me and there is no chance in hell she's going to make it through the light before the truck that's coming in the opposite direction (travelling straight through the light, he obviously had the right of way). I think I may have actually closed my eyes because I knew it was coming. There's the screech of brakes and the loud crash of impact. It took seconds but I remember sitting in my car chanting to myself "Please don't let her be dead, please don't let her be dead, please don't let her be dead" before I got my car stopped and sprung out. The truck had hit her passenger side door and drove her about 10 feet through the intersection, narrowly avoiding another car.

She was in her car, she was fine. The guy driving the truck had gotten out of his truck and he was throwing up on the side of the road. He was that shaken by what had happened he just lost his shit. She got out of her car and I started to make my way over to her, assuming she would be shaken and in shock. She strides over to the guy and starts SHOUTING at him. I stood there with my mouth fucking hanging completely open. I have never in all my life been so amazed at the audacity of another person. Here is the guy, who did absolutely nothing wrong, he's throwing up he's so upset that he hit her (she didn't give him any other alternative but to hit the stupid bitch) and she's screaming at HIM!?!?!

The cops arrive, the ambulance arrive, the tow trucks arrive. Meanwhile this intersection is completely closed to traffic on Christmas eve (main road into the city) and people are PISSED.  A cop approaches me because it was obvious from where my car was parked that I witnessed the whole thing. I briefly considered telling the cop that she must have misjudged the time she had to get through the intersection. We all make mistakes right? We've all driven faster than we should and we've all been in a hurry to get somewhere. Then I watched her as she stood by the side of the road, pissed off and looking at her watch. The guy driving the truck was as white as a sheet and his entire body was shaking. And she's looking at her watch. So I said to the cop, "You know what, I'm not sure where that chick was headed but she followed me for about 15km. The entire time she rode about 6 inches from my back bumper, she was on her phone and it was blatantly obvious she was in one hell of a hurry. She pulled out right in front of him, he didn't have time to even think about trying to avoid her. There's no doubt who's at fault here, but do you know what's worse, she got out of her car and started screaming at the poor guy who hit here, while he's throwing up on the side of the road. As far as I'm concerned she's a menace to society and you should lock her up. Truck driving buddy should have thrown up on HER. Can I go now?"

Is it evil of me that I derived a little bit of pleasure knowing this stupid bitch would probably not get to her intended destination? Of course she completely fucked up another person's Christmas eve, not to mention everyone trying to get into town for the 2 hours the intersection was closed. She showed no remorse for any of it. I still can't figure out how she thought she was going to get through that intersection before the truck was upon her.

The whole episode just proves a saying my mother used to have.... some people should have been eaten while their bones were soft.

On that note, I wish each and everyone of you a very Merry Hairy Christmas (as opposed to the raging case of gonorrhea I'm wishing on SWSNBN).

Loves to you all
Dual Mom


gayle said...
December 25, 2009 at 11:34 AM

I hope that your day will end better than it is begining....are you getting the kids early..I hope so!!!

I am wishing the same thing for the b%%%%%!!

You know that girl still probably doesn't even know how lucky she is....

Carol said...
December 25, 2009 at 12:06 PM

I too know what it's like having a quiet Christmas morning without the kids around the tree opening presents... I have a very had time not crying just reading your first paragraph because, I know.
Hang in there, they will be home soon and no matter what they will always love you.

I'm glad you told the cop the truth.

Have a Merry Christmas.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...
December 25, 2009 at 2:25 PM

Oh my gosh, what a terrible driver and you are too funny!

Becca said...
December 25, 2009 at 2:58 PM

I do hope that she gets hers for making that poor truck driver hit her. I hate/detest people who are that self centered. I hope that she went to jail.

Our home is very quiet today, too. Not liking it much, but what can we do?

adrienzgirl said...
December 25, 2009 at 3:37 PM

Merry Christmas Dual Mom! Your babies will be home soon!!! Hope you have a lovely time with them when they get home.

Aunt Juicebox said...
December 25, 2009 at 7:57 PM

She totally deserved to be ratted out! That poor guy. There was an accident on our corner where a guy turned in front of a truck and he and both his wife and son died. The truck driver had to be admitted to the hospital, not because he was hurt but because it messed him up mentally. She was lucky because she could be dead.

I hope you got through the day, I'm sure it was rough. And I'll be sure to drink to SWSNBN getting that raging case of std for the holidays. I'm sure Santa does special orders.

Anonymous said...
December 26, 2009 at 1:30 AM

Why just gonorhea?why not the rest of the STD's.... like the late stages of chlamydia that cant be cured and attacks the brain. or a swarm of killer african bees.

I wish that on my step mom all the time. As a matter of fact the stupid bitch knows to steer clear of me at all cost because if I ever see her I will most likely beat the hell out of her. Luckily, my brother and sister have a choice where they spend christmas and it has ALWAYS been with my mom.

Also, I drove from NY --> South Carolina today (Christmas Day) to see my sister and her husband in the air force, It is supposed to be a 12 hour drive. I shaved an hour off of it because I drive at excessive speeds, and then lost 2 hours because we got caught in a storm. I drove. the whole way. my family fought. the whole way. there was a point where everyone was asleep and then an accident happened right in front of us.

we were in the middle of the storm and the roads were slippery wet/icy, and some douche in a black convertible cuts off a guy in the mustang. mustang loses control slams into the car next to him and then into the snow bank.

I stopped because I have combat medic experience, but no one was hurtso i kept going.

I currently feel like someone is driving a railroad spike through my skull, and i am considering flying to a remote island in the caribean next year for christmas. alone.

GunDiva said...
December 26, 2009 at 3:47 PM

Wish I knew what SWSNBN meant, but I can gather that she deserves more than a raging case of gonorrhea. Sorry you were alone on Christmas morning. That sucks. I remember it, too. But it will be so wonderful when they get home!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
December 26, 2009 at 9:43 PM

My son was at his dad's Christmas day, too. So I halfway felt your pain. (I'm married to my daughter's dad).

Good for you for telling it like it was. I just wish we knew what happened to the bitch.

Anonymous said...
December 26, 2009 at 10:53 PM

I feel your pain too, Christmas without the kids is just not Christmas. But good for you for being honest with the cop, I hope they delayed her nicely from whatever rush she was in. poor guy that hit her.

Anonymous said...
December 27, 2009 at 9:35 PM

Damn thats one hell of a Christmas Eve!! I'm glad you told the cops about that lady's driving behavior. You'd think getting hit and pushed ten feet would have woken her up, and made her realize she could have been killed.

In my opinion, she got what was coming to her.

Hope you had a great Christmas, even without the kids.

Shandal said...
December 27, 2009 at 11:06 PM

OMG what a bitch! I'm SO glad you told the cops EXACTLY what happened! That poor truck driver too! Goodness!

What the hell does SWSNBN stand for?

Hope you had a good Christmas after all though!

Laura said...
December 29, 2009 at 10:37 AM

I'm late getting here, but I hope your day turned out ok. I've been there I know it sucks and really the only thing I could offer is that you are not alone. Over the years I've learned to enjoy the quiet before they all come home. It took me a few years and still occasionally I get upset, but I've had to learn that it isn't about the time of day it's that eventually you are all together.

kys said...
December 29, 2009 at 9:24 PM

Oh man. That "eaten while their bones were soft" comment is too much. Are you sure you aren't from the south?

I hope your holiday perked up when your kids came home. All the best in 2010 to you and your kids!

JHS. said...
January 4, 2010 at 12:50 AM

Wow, a compelling tale on many levels. So much so that you are receiving the Post of the Day Award! Visit The Rising Blogger on Wednesday, January 6, 2010, to learn more!


Writing My Life
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