I Think I Have Narcissistic Tendencies

Brought to you exclusively by Dual Mom on
J at Boobies and Babies gave me this:

And holy hair monkey balls I'm going to follow the rules, which include telling you 10 honest things about myself.

I am the QUEEN of parallel parking. And I love showing off this skill. I never ever denied being a fucking spaz people.

I like living by myself. Though I have a boyfriend, I would never "live" with him or any other man for that matter. At 36 I have discovered that I don't like comprimising, I don't like cleaning up after people that have not come out of my vagina and I'm pretty fucking inflexible when it comes to "my" space.

I think we should bring the corset and hoop skirts back. I want to wear a big ass dress with one of those hoopy crinoline things underneath it. I want to do my hair in curls and pile it all on top of my head and powder my face so that it's white and carry a fan. Seriously. 

I'm a huge fan of the brazilian bikini wax.

If you asked me to list 5 things about my physical self that I like, I couldn't do it.  Can you?

I love foreign accents. English, dutch, irish, french...it doesn't matter. I can't even think about an accent paired with a man in uniform, or a really good suit. Let's not go there.

I work three day weeks from the end of June until the 1st of September. Don't be jealous. I'm seriously considering getting a second job which will pretty much put the fucks to this practice and make me want to hang myself.

I may have said the word "pussy" during Happy Hour Friday (yes happy hour gets capital letters) night, in front of the VP and a Director. It was one of those moments - I got the p-u-s out, and when the entire table stopped talking and turned to look at me I realized what I was about to say. Goddamn that brain/mouth filter that doesn't work.

I've never texted. Ever.

Bed sheets that have been hung out on the clothesline to dry make me happy.

Scribe at Scribing Life  a fellow Canadian eh gave me the sunshine award (which for some reason won't insert into this post). What's even better than the award is the kind words she had to say:

Dual Mom at We're at Dad's That Week: I'm not a mommy blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but after I was introduced to her through Bacon is My Lover (another brilliant blog, by the way), I was a fan. She's more than a mommy blogger and I'm not apt to call her that. She's more than a mom. She's more than a blogger. She's a self-described heartless bitch and I love it (and her blog).

I'm more people! Dammit bow before my greatness. Or as Jimmy said to me earlier, "Nothing says obey me like a head on a stick". To which I responded, "Or a public flogging." What? Talk of corporal punishment is good fun!

Okay, enough narcissism for one day! Feel free to make fun of me in the comments.


Mrsblogalot said...
April 11, 2010 at 10:49 AM

HAA!! Make fun of you? Are you kidding me? I want to kidnap you and take you home with me you awesome thing!!!

Lisa said...
April 11, 2010 at 10:53 AM

Woo Hoo, I am first this time. I have been divorced ten years this year. I am now 41.5 year old and I agree, I will not clean up after anybody they did not burst forth from my vajayjay! I don't have a boyfriend, frankly, because I am too independent, don't have any desire to compromise, and I run like a little girl at the sign of ANY red flag! You go girl.

Um one point I strongly disagree with...hell to the no on the corsett, hooop skirt, and curls piled on my head. Give me STRETCHY yoga pants, tank top, and ponytail/bunlike creation or give me death. :)

Cheers, Lisa

PS Being HRM The Blogoddess, it is poor form for me to bow down before anyone, but since no one is look right now, I shall bow with dignity and grace before your greatness. ;-)

Becky @ Welcome to my life said...
April 11, 2010 at 10:57 AM

My sister's drivers ed teacher taught her the perfect three point parallel parking, never fail, method. To this day, it has never failed. I can parallel park better than most...

June said...
April 11, 2010 at 11:06 AM

My brain/mouth filter is broken-permanently. I don't just insert foot, I usually end up swallowing whole.

Even though I am married to Ward, I still have "my space" that you just don't fucking tread on. Stay outta my kitchen, my bathroom, my sewing space...

Heather said...
April 11, 2010 at 11:31 AM

Totally agree with you about the corsets - I grew up thinking I grew up in the wrong era - Pale, FAT, curly hair, I definately belong in the Victorian Era.

You've NEVER texted? How do you live? (as the teenagers I know would say)

Erin said...
April 11, 2010 at 12:05 PM

I love Brazilians, too. I started about a year ago and don't think I can ever go back.

I would be hard pressed to come up with 5, let alone 15 physical attributes of mine that I like. Sheesh.

Love your list. Cannot believe you've never texted though...

Drama Queen said...
April 11, 2010 at 12:18 PM

You always keep me laughing - which is what I love about your blog.

And I've never texted either...here I thought I was the only one left in the world....but NO! There's another text loser, too! I am not alone!

adrienzgirl said...
April 11, 2010 at 12:32 PM

You make me laugh so hard.

I cannot believe you have never texted. Ever. You have teenagers for Chrissakes! How do you communicate with them?

What is a brain to mouth filter? Please explain. Such a concept surely does not exist.

gayle said...
April 11, 2010 at 1:10 PM

Love your list!!
Can't parallel park, text or list 1 thing I like about myself

Too embarresed to try a braz. wax...see I am too embarresed to even spell it out!! Does this speak old or what!!

Linda Medrano said...
April 11, 2010 at 1:12 PM

Braz wax? Ouch! But then Mama didn't raise any wuzzes, did she? Love this! Hell, love you!

Kat said...
April 11, 2010 at 1:31 PM

Isn't a Brasilian bikini wax painful??? OUCH! Sure would make things easier, though...hmmmmmm...

I cannot believe you've never texted. YOU and all your oil tank skills and all, and you have not texted? Wow!

And WHO would make fun of you? YOU are AWESOME!

Anonymous said...
April 11, 2010 at 1:58 PM

Husbands, live-in boyfriends, and children are nusy making messes all day and night, and they have no conception of what cleaning up really is.

MiMi said...
April 11, 2010 at 8:02 PM

So I was reading this list and I'm thinking, OMAGOSH, hoopskirts...that would probably make my butt look smaller. And THEN I read about your accent fetish and I have one too. Then I started thinking about Gerard Butler and now I have nothing else to say...

rxBambi said...
April 11, 2010 at 10:56 PM

brazilian? really? the thought scares the crap outta me. literally. do they go around back to and get out those hairs? hmmm. I'll consider. However, I think if I'm gonna do it I want it to be permanent, not every couple weeks. brazillian laser seems better...

Alex said...
April 12, 2010 at 12:03 AM

Bring back big hoop skirts so I can let my ass get as fat as it likes and not give a damn!

Unknown Mami said...
April 12, 2010 at 2:41 AM

I've got the Bee Gee's singing in my head, they are singing:

More than a mother
more than a mother to me...

Danielle said...
April 12, 2010 at 10:22 AM

Wow, what a great and true compliment! And I love the list.

Aunt Juicebox said...
April 12, 2010 at 11:47 AM

You know, I actually have enjoyed being married this second time around. And even though it isn't perfect, I think that if I found myself single again, I wouldn't be opposed to getting married a third time. I've sort of got MJ pretty well trained. He's a bagpipe-denying bitch, but he actually does dishes and puts away his own clean laundry, etc.

Canadian Blend said...
April 12, 2010 at 1:33 PM

Less than a week ago my wife and I were in a pub and, for whatever reason, started talking about the fact we are both parallel parking machines (I may have voiced it more strongly).

It seems to be a lost art these days.

Raoulysgirl said...
April 12, 2010 at 3:27 PM

Ouch on the Brazilians! LOL!

Bedsheets on the clothesline is one of my happiest childhood memories. My grandma insisted that her sheets be dried this way. I spent many, many days of my early childhood running through them while they flapped in the breeze. And the smell of them while they were outside??? OMG! Thanks for taking me back there for just a sec!!!

Salt said...
April 12, 2010 at 4:15 PM

My husband is lucky I like him because otherwise, I cannot stand living with another person. That was the hardest part about getting married for me...having to learn to be a sharer with my space.

Yankee Girl said...
April 12, 2010 at 5:07 PM

When I first started reading this, we were in a fight. I know you didn't know we were fighting, but as soon as you called yourself the Queen of parallel parking I got mad. I am the self-proclaimed best parallel parker in the world.

Anyway, so I was fighting with you for only a few seconds because then I saw that you are a fan of brazilians. ME TOO! So after reading that, I figured I couldn't have a fight with a fellow awesome parallel parker and someone who likes brazilians.

Fight over.

We are still cool.

Anonymous said...
April 12, 2010 at 5:27 PM

Oh my gosh.



I just can not believe it.

What to say???

You've NEVER texted?!?!?!

LOL I guess it's ok. I've never had a brazilian wax. Nobody in Tiny Town does them. The hubs has offered a few times.... But I dont want him near my girly parts with hot wax!!

blueviolet said...
April 12, 2010 at 6:14 PM

I fought the text for 2 years. I gave in and it's orgasmic. Try it. And I did the brazilian once and it hurt like hell. However, I'll take that kind of hell again rather than live in the Amazon.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
April 12, 2010 at 8:21 PM

You are very much entitled to be a narcissist. You're hot and you're witty.

Hot + Witty = Narcissism.

Tracie said...
April 13, 2010 at 7:40 AM

I really, really want to get a Brazillian but I'm afraid to let any of the hillbillies around here near my lady bits.

Anonymous said...
April 13, 2010 at 3:44 PM

This is why I KNEW you had to have this award...I dig that you followed the rules..even when I said you didn't have to!

LOVEEEE the answers but am SHOCKED that you haven't ever texted..wtf is up w/ that?

Aimee said...
April 14, 2010 at 1:45 AM

My grandparents-in-law came to visit a couple weekends ago and I (accidentally) said dickhead and fuck in front of them. Fortunately, they are the coolest grandparents-in-law EVAH and they'd love me no matter what came out of my mouth. My husband, however, almost had a coronary.