This One's For You Kid

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I had no sweet clue there are people in the world who don't know what an oil tank is.

It makes sense. There are people in the world who have never shovelled snow nor had their their nasal passages freeze together due to a -30 windchill. Do you know what a windchill is?

So Lisa left this comment on my last post:

OK, In Texas, hot water comes from the faucet. If it runs out..wait a while and the hot water heater heats it back up? Oil? You have to boil oil to have a bath? What is this? Medieval times? And what is this about you blood letting to fix the problem? What kind of voodoo do you doo doo where you live? :)

I laughed till I cried and I can't figure out if she's serious or not.

Then Surferwife asked me what an oil tank was, and if it was like a hot water heater. *head desk* It's a damn good thing you're cute MoMo Sake otherwise I'd have to bitchslap ya.

I present to you - the O.I.L. T.A.N.K

Those of us who have actual winters, fill these puppies up with oil and the oil runs our furnace. The furnace heats our homes and keeps our vajajays from freezing shut.

It's big right? They usually hold about 800 litres of oil. Someone do the gallon conversion for me? There, now you know what an oil tank is. Let's not talk about the COST of filling one of these darlings. Yes, I watch the price of oil rise and fall with baited breath. Please don't tell me you have no idea what oil is trading for on the world market. Just don't.

As for "bleeding the line". No, it's not some sort of satanic ritual involving the sacrifice of one of my children, though that might not be a bad idea. When you're a dumbass like me and forget to fill the contraption above with oil it sucks air...literally and stops running. So you have to "bleed" the air out of the oil line. It involves a wrench and a tube and a pop bottle to catch the oil. It's highly technical and shit.

Onto other matters. My darling daughter is having a sleep over this evening (no school tomorrow). She and her little friend are supposed to be working on a heritage project that is due early next week. The project is the red thing on the floor. Along with the fucking chaos that is my living room kitbags that were thrown hell west and crooked when we got home. A corner of a blanket which was thrown on the floor. My laptop balancing precariously on the coffee table. Wait....who the fuck balanced my laptop precariously on the coffee table?
What's that, you don't see two 11 year old girls working on the project? Of course not. They needed a "break" after working on the project for an ENTIRE five minutes and have gone down to the shore to collect beach glass. No, beach glass is not required for their project.


Drama Queen said...
April 8, 2010 at 8:44 PM

Okay, true confessions - I didn't know what an oil tank was, either...guess we don't have those in KC!

Cracking me up about the girls and their school project - that is SO my house! And my daughter and her friends!

Love your camera - looks a lot like mine. I have the Nikon it. And yes. You're cool. :)

Kat said...
April 8, 2010 at 9:15 PM

I knew what an oil tank was. I'm glad I don't have to deal with filling one...!!

Unknown Mami said...
April 8, 2010 at 9:41 PM

I only knew what you were talking about with the oil situation because I went to visit an ex-boyfriend once, who forgot to buy oil over the Thanksgiving weekend and I froze my butt off. It is pretty medieval. Sucks monkey balls if you ask me.

I know you didn't ask me? I'm just saying that if you did...

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...
April 8, 2010 at 9:42 PM

Isn't it some sort of tank that holds oil? I'm just guessing...

Menopausal New Mom said...
April 8, 2010 at 9:50 PM

Oh if only the oil tanks around my place looked as nice and neat as the one in your photo. Is it any wonder we tore the damn thing out and switched to electric?

Your living room looks a heck of a lot neater than mine right now and man, that photo of you is gorgeous!!

The Only Girl said...
April 8, 2010 at 9:58 PM

First off - I'm familiar with the good old oil tank. Sucks.

But mainly, I'm concerned about the sad state of your plant - it might need some water. Also your candles look like they've had it. Please don't fall asleep on the couch with those babies burning - they look unsafe.

Love to see a pic of you! Even if it is a partial.

middle child said...
April 8, 2010 at 10:17 PM

Oil tank? How about an octopus furnace? Anyway, you are totally beautiful but I must go now in search of your Lisa. She is Tooooooo funny!!!!

Queen of Feisty said...
April 8, 2010 at 11:37 PM

Hmrph, thank you for the education on the oil tank, here in south Chicago we have hot water heaters. I do know what bleeding a line means though.

Some people don't get the well water thing though. I have city water from my magical faucet. But my parents live out in the country, so they have a well, that they get their water from. It smells like a combo of ass. hole. and rotten eggs. (note the empasis on ass. hole. and my shitty spelling on empasis)

So they are billed for their water by the electricty that it takes to run it to the faucet?!? It's just natural underground water.

Either way the whole thing baffles me, and I hope I never need to live off of well water. My dad has a very serious system of water softener, bleach deposits, and... well... who asked me anyway about the water? No one?

Sorry bout that... anywho, nice project girls. 5 minutes is about as long as my brain will work on most projects anyway.

Need to stop babbling...


My Mercurial Nature said...
April 9, 2010 at 12:14 AM

I had no clue that the oil tank was such a mystery to some...I feel very smart now. This doesn't happen often, so I think I'll go relish it.

*LLUVIA* said...
April 9, 2010 at 1:00 AM

LMAO!!! OOOooohhh...that's what it is! I didn't know know what it was!! LOL! I grew up in Texas. I live in Albuquerque now. We have a gas water heater! XD

oh my! I would have gone psycho if I had seen my laptop like that! I can't live without it!

Homesick Cajun said...
April 9, 2010 at 1:37 AM

Lmfao!! I love those comments!! Honestly I didn't know what those tanks were until we moved into the house we live in. There was one behind our house that they used to use to heat the house. Since it was no longer in use my husband put it on Craigslist (free) and he had over 25 calls the day he posted the ad. The first person who called came and picked it up that same day!

Kaylen said...
April 9, 2010 at 2:51 AM

Oil tank...I think I saw this on Little House on the Prairie before. Or maybe it was Mash.
It just seems ooooooooold-school.

I love the self-portrait. You look like a bad-ass!

Anonymous said...
April 9, 2010 at 7:47 AM

Living in the south is freedom from the high home heating bills of up north. My frioends use 1500 gallons of home heating oil a year-about $4500 to $5000 worth. Devastating.

Quixotic said...
April 9, 2010 at 8:03 AM

OK - I hav enever even SEEN snow, and had no idea what an oil tank was, and although I WAS curious, and thought I had it pretty much figures out, self preservation of my ego won out and I didn't say anything. I a big fan of the "it's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought and idiot than open it and remove all doubt" school of thought!

Mrsblogalot said...
April 9, 2010 at 8:12 AM

We have one of those monsters...about a million years older version in our house. It's a constant reminder of where all my new shoe money goes each winter.

And yes, you are the coolest!!!!

JQ Brat said...
April 9, 2010 at 11:15 AM

I've got an oil tank. It holds 1000 gallons which I could never afford to fill so I get the minimum fill of 150 gallons which costs me around $500 a pop. I usually go through about $2000 worth of fuel oil a winter. It is ridiculous! I've also let the stupid thing run out and have had to make emergency trips to the gas station to get enough kerosene to hold us over until I could afford to get another fill so I know alllll about bleeding lines!

That One Mom said...
April 9, 2010 at 12:29 PM

I think the propane tank is more prevalent in these parts. But they're only used in rural areas.

adrienzgirl said...
April 9, 2010 at 12:47 PM

I didn't know what it was either. We have central heat and air here in FL and a freaking water heater. I knew what you meant about bleeding the lines though cause you have to do that with brake lines in cars with no ABS.

Thanks for clarifying though. Hopefully you still have some sanity left today after the slumber party!

Laffylady said...
April 9, 2010 at 1:54 PM

Hi There..Thanks for following Laugh Out Loud. I hope you will email me a link to one of your funniest posts, so I can add you to the Calendar..Im looking forward to getting to know you and your sense of humor..!!..Laffylady

Anonymous said...
April 9, 2010 at 3:26 PM

Im just gonna pretend Im super awesome and knew all about oil tanks already K?

Love the self portrait!

And beach glass should totally be required for ALL projects. =)

Linda Medrano said...
April 9, 2010 at 3:46 PM

Of course you look cool! You are my adopted daughter, aren't you?

I had no frickin idea what an oil tank was. I'm a San Francisco woman. We don't know from oil tanks and wind chills! LOL!

Brittney said...
April 9, 2010 at 3:56 PM

Lol i would have never knew what that was either but like ya said we dont have real winters haha!!

That is a really cool picture :)

Aunt Juicebox said...
April 9, 2010 at 4:24 PM

You have beautiful eyes!

Depending on the area, some places here have oil tanks but we're lucky to have electricity only at my house. My parents have gas and electricity. I'm glad we don't have gas, it scares me.

Salt said...
April 9, 2010 at 4:30 PM

HA! I love it. People in warm climates just don't even know.

You have really pretty eyeballs! Wow that sounds serial killerish of me...

Danielle said...
April 9, 2010 at 6:10 PM

I was going to ask about the oil think=gy majiger too, but didn't want to look stupid! :)
Hey, you have a really pretty eye!

Michelle Pixie said...
April 9, 2010 at 6:14 PM

I am so glad you cleared that up for us! {I did happen to catch a Holmes on Homes episode and he was talking about them just the other day} But now I know who to call if I should ever need to bleed a line.

Beautiful blue eyes you have!

gayle said...
April 9, 2010 at 7:58 PM

Love your picture!!!
Yes, I know what a windchill is.....we even have them in the south.
I have an oil tank for my gas logs. But I am still confused (yes I am) do have an hot water is just heated by oil.......correct???!!!
Around here some people have gas or electric hot water heaters.
I hated when my kids had slumber partys.. I mean sleep overs ...that's what they call them around here.

Anonymous said...
April 9, 2010 at 9:06 PM

I feel brilliant because I knew what an oil tank was..I didn't really know how to bleed one...but I know how you bleed a brake line, I figured same sitch.

Did I mention I'm jealous that you live on the beach? Can I come live w/ you? Maybe just for a vacay?

And you're least from the nose up! ;)

Anonymous said...
April 10, 2010 at 2:22 AM

Okay, I just want to know if you live in an English speaking country...where they use real electricity? First it's boiling oil for hot water and then bloodletting and ritual sacrifice to the oil gods, all in the name of a hot batb.

Now it's "kitbags". I lie to you not. I thought kitbags was a term of endearment for your child and know maybe like young bags of flesh...kit as in kittens?? Then I saw your photo. DOH! kitbags = gym bags or duffle bags. Am I right? So let me translate your speak into Texan..

DUALMOMESE: "kitbags that were thrown hell west and crooked when we got home."

TEXANESE: "duffle bags that were thrown ass-backwards when we got back to the ranch"

PS I saw your purdy little picture. Damn, girl, you are finer than frogs hair (said frawhhhhgs hayyyyyr)! ;-)

jessalyn said...
April 10, 2010 at 11:51 AM

my poop brown eyes are super jealous of your pretty blue eyes. just thought you should know.

MiMi said...
April 11, 2010 at 2:06 AM

I'm ahead of the game this time, cuz I totally knew what an oil tank was! Yay for me! For once.

Mad Woman said...
April 11, 2010 at 5:07 AM

Do I get extra points if I DID know what an oil tank was? Cos you know, that means I'm still holding onto my roots :)

"freezing our vajayjays shut"...HAHAH!

Daffy said...
April 11, 2010 at 10:04 AM

Mercy me! I'm laughing my ass off...I really am. It wouldn't have occured to me that someone would not know what an oil tank was..... of course I live somewhere that actually has seasons. I know about windchill....and freezing of certain openings. lol

And really, that's you? brunette you are? Hmmm....would you reconsider my marriage proposal? *wink*

GunDiva said...
April 11, 2010 at 1:43 PM

Can I tell you how jealous I am that you've got amazing blue eyes and dark hair? My shit brown eyes are crying right now.

Aunt Becky said...
April 12, 2010 at 5:20 PM

Um. What's an oil tank?

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
April 12, 2010 at 8:20 PM

You're hot.

So, why in hell's bells would a self proclaimed SurferWife in San Diego ever need to know what an oil tank was? Pshhhh. And a BLONDE SurferWife at that, people.

Thougb I do know all about oil and their prices. We re in the business of asphalt, so yeah, I can appreciate the ding your wallet takes.

Anonymous said...
April 17, 2010 at 1:10 PM

LoL. she IS from texas!! :-P

we have an oil tank at my mothers house upstate!

Mainland Streel said...
April 24, 2010 at 9:48 AM

It's weird actually... I grew up in Alberta (northern and southern) and never saw an oil tank, but I moved to Newfoundland and there were oil tanks everywhere. I didn't even know what oil heating was until Danny explained it to me. Damned Calgarians (I was a Calgarian, ha ha!). :/