Don't You Dare Speak To Me With Tone

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The tone of your voice can say more to a person than any words convey. Expecially when the person you're speaking to with TONE in your voice gave birth to you OR had really bad sex with you for ten years. There's also very little in the world that sets me off quicker than someone speaking to me "with tone" when I'm being polite and courteous.

Let me set the backdrop for you.

Monty is working with his grandmother on Saturdays and any day through the week when there is no school. Last night he informed me that he will be working today and needs to be at his father's house at 7:00am to travel to work with his grandmother. This invloves me getting up at 5:00am to be ready to leave the house at 6:30. I don't mind that part. This puts me at work shortly after 7:00am....where I am required to sit and wait for the fucking building to open. Still I can deal with this.

What I can't fucking deal with, is getting lip and TONE when I try to find out what time your ass needs to be picked up after work, Monty. What I can't deal with is dipshit, monkey ball sucking, asshat Ex giving me TONE because I dared to bother him on his cellphone to find out when son might be ready for pickup this evening. You know what monkeyball sucking EX -  I never wanted him working at this place to begin with...so don't you fucking dare give me attitude when I try to find out when he needs to be picked up. Don't you dare imply with the tone of your exasperated voice that I'm in some way stupid to be even asking you this question.

I'm sorry if I'm not all up on the policies and procedures of a fucking fish processing plant. Don't even bother saying "it varies" like that's the fucking obvious answer. It varies? He's a fucking 18 year old kid working in a processing plant...what the fuck do you mean it varies?

Well guess what fucktard? Dual Mom varies too.  Dual Mom is going to tell you to fly the fuck off a short pier with your attitude, she's going to designate you fucking chaffeur for the evening, then she's going to talk about herself in the third person and share your ass fuckedness with the world.

FUCK! I hate stupid people. What the hell was I thinking when I married that man?

Another thing -- people that spit on the sidewalk. Dude walking in front of me today at lunch let out a big gobbing spit which I then promptly stepped in. That's beyond disgusting. I'm sure his wife is proud. What the fuck? First off why do you even NEED to spit? Second, if you NEED to spit that badly, spit in your fucking hand dude because I'm pretty sure you're about to get my 4 inch, spit covered heel up your arse.

$15 to send a one page document ExpressPost. $15. Hey Canada Post - would you like a couple of eyeballs to go with that fucking arm and leg?

There! I feel much better now. Bring on the weekend.

22 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...
April 23, 2010 at 2:01 PM

I am so with you on the spitting on the sidewalk thing. Drives me insane, I hate it, why do they have to spit? What do they do all winter when they are indoors, spit on the floors? I HATE IT!!!

Anonymous said...
April 23, 2010 at 2:48 PM

Tone always ticks me off, unless Im the one giving it;)

Mae Rae said...
April 23, 2010 at 3:27 PM

alright, i got to tell you. I was kind of laughing a little reading this post, only because I love how you refer to your ex. Then i gagged, oh and i gagged good. My brothers used to play this game when we were little, it was called "who can make maerae puke first". This was usually played right after "who can make #5 cry first". Well, back to my story. My #2 brother could cough up some good ones, when he would spit them in my path, i would instantly puke. I was always afraid that I would step in it.
Okay, you just made my #2 brother proud.

Salt said...
April 23, 2010 at 4:52 PM

You are seriously one of my favorite people on the internet. I love this.

I will second your spitting on the sidewalk and raise you a spitting out a moving car window. You know what's awesome? Having someone else's lungbutter splatter on your windshield while you're driving.

Angelia said...
April 23, 2010 at 5:57 PM

The Ex talks like that to me. Douchebag.

Claudya Martinez said...
April 23, 2010 at 6:12 PM

So I read the title of this post and immediately started saying to the screen, "Tone, what tone? I wasn't using a tone."

Lothiriel said...
April 23, 2010 at 6:28 PM

LMAO!!

aarrghhh...THE SPITTING!! It's one of my biggest pet peeves!!

Some smokers spit. My mom used to spit! It was gross!

Unknown said...
April 23, 2010 at 7:54 PM

Way to vent woman! Now go have a good weekend, I think wine is in order.

Dee said...
April 23, 2010 at 8:10 PM

Mr "Tone" should have walked to work lol...that'll teach 'em! j/k I can't stand it when my son gets a smart ass tone when I'm trying to do something FOR HIM! Grrr......not nice...or smart lol!

Have a great weekend Boo!

Carma Sez said...
April 23, 2010 at 9:51 PM

if I see spit on the sidewalk I will not even step near it. Gross!!

One would think the fish processing plant would have regular shifts, but then I don't know much about the fish industry...Hindsight is 20/20 (with regard to your former spouse)

Kat said...
April 23, 2010 at 11:14 PM

Ewwwww! Don't you just once want to spit at someone who spits?? (I did that once...because I was spit AT...I spit back...which was ridiculously uncalled for, out of character, and so totally as if I'd lost my freakin' mind. Of course, the idiot who originally spit at me replied, after I spit at her, "I can spit further than you, ha!" Oh now who's lost their mind?? We were grown-ass women!!

Spitting is GROSS! Especially the MAN kind because they suck it up from the deepest recesses of their...oh nevermind...sorry. I lost it for a moment.
You definitely need to relax this weekend and forget that fucktard of an ex! Have a glass of wine, or bottle. And come to my blog because I have something for you there :)

The Only Girl said...
April 23, 2010 at 11:40 PM

I agree - Canada Post sucks. And clearly so does your ex. Hope your weekend gets better.

Anonymous said...
April 24, 2010 at 10:16 AM

Awesome rant!! I needed to read that this morning.

Danielle said...
April 24, 2010 at 2:43 PM

I am glad you got that off your chest and made all of us laugh in the process. See, blogging is better than a therapist

Kmama said...
April 24, 2010 at 10:52 PM

Do you feel better after getting that out? I sure hope so. I think I saw steam coming off the page as I read it.

I'm sorry you got tone. I hate that too!

Quixotic said...
April 25, 2010 at 8:25 AM

lol - what's important is that you're not letting them get away with it!!!

Illegitimi non carborundum...
(Don't let the bastards grind you down!)

Anonymous said...
April 25, 2010 at 11:10 AM

Gahhhhhhhhh! You tell him!

I would gauge my eyes out if I had to talk to my ex...I truly would rather do so!

Linda Medrano said...
April 25, 2010 at 3:08 PM

Oh Baby, you tell 'em! Nobody tells 'em like my girl! LOL! I adore you! You Rock! You fucking rock! And knock my off my chair laughing while you are doing so! That's my girl!

Unknown said...
April 25, 2010 at 8:19 PM

I am so glad you felt better after posting this. How was your weekend??

Queen of Feisty said...
April 25, 2010 at 10:35 PM

Wow. It's been too long since I commented, and I miss your hostility. Oh the tone, I GIVE the tone around here. And a sweet little time out goes to one said almost 4 year old who attempts to do it back.

Spitting is just beyond gross. I don't even like when people spit all gross and obvious into a garbage can, but the sidewalk. Gag!

I will soon be giving the under developed Village we live in WAY to much money in taxes, I can't wait to get my bill May 1st, you want to talk about arms, legs, eyeballs, butt cheeks...

Feisty

Gabi said...
April 26, 2010 at 4:07 PM

So, I'm a few days behind in reading this...hope your weekend was good once you vented.
I love anyone who gives good rage! Thanks for making me laugh on this dreary, dreary work day.

Aunt Becky said...
April 30, 2010 at 8:34 PM

SO been there. Every time, I want to scream when he does it. Or smash my own phone, which does no good, obviously.