Man's Best Friend

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The other evening I'm on the phone doing a telephone interview for a second job. I have my best "shit wouldn't melt in my mouth" voice on and I'm being all professional and stuff.

Suddenly, something bangs on my front door, hard enough to actually rattle the door and cause me to spontaneously shit my pants. I'm sitting in the kitchen on the phone and I know for a fact that there is NO ONE at the door. I can see out the window of the door. No one is standing there.
The bang happens again. I jump, again.

And again.

At this point, the lady who I'm speaking with on the phone pauses and asks, "Is someone at your door?" The banging is loud enough that she can hear it on her end of the phone. I reply, "No, I don't think so, I can't see anyone".

Again with the bang.

She pauses again (I'm making a great impression at this point can't you tell). I ask her to hold the line for a moment and I go and open the front door. I fully expect to be attacked by a crouching lunatic ninja in a ski mask, who will bound and gag me, steal everything I hold dear (laptop) and cause me to lose any chance of getting this second job.

This is what greets me when I open the door.

My neighbour's St. Bernard, Bully.

One hundred and sixty pound Bully came looking for his evening treat. With his uber dog hearing skills, he could hear me on the phone. Apparently he does not like being ignored and had grown weary of waiting for me to realize he was on the deck. What does a dog do when he wants you to open the door? Why he starts KNOCKING ON THE DOOR WITH HIS HEAD of course.

I scolded him lovingly, threw him a piece of leftover chicken (is it any wonder he comes to "visit") he smiled, shook his head -which covered me in dog snot, and sauntered back across my lawn.

When I went back to my interview, dripping in dog snot, she asked, "Do you need to go?" I explained to her that my neighbour's dog was knocking on the door with his head, looking for his evening treat. She laughed ....hesitantly.

Poor Bully, he'll miss his evening treats if I don't get this job and have to cut off his supply.

*The pic is actually Bully - if you look closely you can see his brother laying behind him. Pic was taken last summer.


Mae Rae said...
April 28, 2010 at 11:29 AM

omg that is so funny. super power hearing, kind of like kids.

Anonymous said...
April 28, 2010 at 11:40 AM

You can send Bully to my house. I don't do evening interviews and HE is adorable. Plus, he can eat the outside cats.....

MindyMom said...
April 28, 2010 at 12:20 PM

Good luck with the job! Too bad the woman on the line had no sense of humor though. :(

The Only Girl said...
April 28, 2010 at 12:24 PM

If the job was for PETA or the Humane Society, I'd say you're in.

Drama Queen said...
April 28, 2010 at 12:43 PM

How freakin' funny! Good luck - hopefully the interviewer is a dog lady and appreciates your kindness to animals. I mean, that should count for something, right?!

Anonymous said...
April 28, 2010 at 1:08 PM

OMG! That would have scared the piss right outta me! (This reminds me of the time I almost shot my husband..I should post about that)

Anyhoo--Bully is adorable!

Anonymous said...
April 28, 2010 at 1:11 PM

Murphy's law: whenever you're on the phone trying to be professional, something non-professional will always happen. Loudly.

I'll keep my fingers crossed you get the job!

Menopausal New Mom said...
April 28, 2010 at 1:19 PM

Too cute! My folks have a pheasant that will knock on their basement windows when it's looking for something to eat. No wonder they say "don't feed the bears"

Daffy said...
April 28, 2010 at 1:34 PM

That's not a dog....its a HORSE!

Anonymous said...
April 28, 2010 at 1:41 PM

he makes my chin chin look like a small toy;) lol

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
April 28, 2010 at 2:08 PM

That's hilarious. How did the phone interviewer not think that was hysterically funny?

Anonymous said...
April 28, 2010 at 2:18 PM

St bernards are huge!!!!!

June said...
April 28, 2010 at 2:43 PM

What a good neighbor you are!
Those dogs are counting on you getting that second job, ya' know.

Sure hope you get it!

Salt said...
April 28, 2010 at 3:07 PM

I love his face! If that guy showed up at my door, I'd be liable to keep him forever. St. Bernards are so cute.

Logical Libby said...
April 28, 2010 at 4:14 PM

What a great dog! And what a typical St. Bernard...

Crazy Brunette said...
April 28, 2010 at 4:47 PM

Too fucking funny!

I would've told the bitch my address and been like,

"If I start screaming hang up and call 911 immediately, because I'm being attacked!"

I'm paranoid as shit!!!!

Hold on while I pop a few more Xanex after reading this!!!

Danielle said...
April 28, 2010 at 5:08 PM

I love snot throwing St Bernards. You just want to hug them, or ride them. Not in that way either you pervert!

Linda Medrano said...
April 28, 2010 at 6:51 PM

I would have hired you on the spot because Bully is your pal, and any friend of that dude's is a friend of mine! Bless his heart, dropping by for his snack! LOL!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...
April 28, 2010 at 6:53 PM

Shit. You shoulda given him a shot of brandy. Bully for Brandy~!

Anonymous said...
April 28, 2010 at 8:37 PM

Oh, I woulda crapped my pants for sure! LOL

But he is super cute!

Jewels Diva® said...
April 28, 2010 at 10:07 PM

I can see why he's called Bully, lol, he headbangs your door until you feed him.

I've had strange bangs and noises around here and didn't know what the hell they were. Although a couple of weeks ago it was an earthquake, but didn't know it at the time.

MiMi said...
April 28, 2010 at 10:40 PM

I love that you spontaneously shit yer pants. Not on purpose. :)
That is one huge ass puppy!

rxBambi said...
April 28, 2010 at 11:10 PM

I LOVE that! My neighbors dog will walk in as well if the doors are ajar. Too cute. If you were applying for a job with me and that happened I would hire you ON THE SPOT! If you don't get that job because of Bully then you weren't meant to work with those horrible dog-haters.

Anonymous said...
April 29, 2010 at 12:22 AM

I love it!! Our neighbor's dog (a pekanese) constantly gets out and wiggles its way under our fence or to our door. One time The Boyfriend snapped a pic on his phone and sent me a text of the dog that said "What the Fuck is This?" haha

I love that a St. Bernard hits you up for evening treats. I definitely wouldn't be able to resist!

Quixotic said...
April 29, 2010 at 6:06 AM

Oh, he is just gorgeous!! I just wanna smush him...
Good luck on the job hunt - I have an interview tomorrow for a new job, so we can send each other happy vibes!!!

Michelle Pixie said...
April 29, 2010 at 3:17 PM

Who can resist a face like that?! So stinkin cute!!

Tracie said...
April 29, 2010 at 3:33 PM

I would've had a heart attack when I heard the banging. I'm very skittish.

Aunt Juicebox said...
April 29, 2010 at 6:20 PM

I <3 St. Bernards. All we have around here are little boys who pee on the bushes.

Anonymous said...
April 29, 2010 at 8:43 PM

Doesn't everybody bring a St. Bernard to a job interview. In the states, it is the en vogue thing to do! Nothing says professionalism and productivity like a mammoth moose dog!

:) LOL! I hope you get the job.

Juliana said...
April 30, 2010 at 12:08 AM

Bully is so cute, I really want a St. B!!!!!

adrienzgirl said...
April 30, 2010 at 2:42 AM

Damn that is a big ass dog! I think he probably shits things larger than my Chihuahuas. :D

Hope you get that second job! Nevermind that I can't even find a FIRST job!

I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya!

JennyMac said...
April 30, 2010 at 6:47 AM

That dog is awesome. And LOVE his name...Bully..LOL.

Aunt Becky said...
April 30, 2010 at 8:34 PM

Bwahahaha! Dog was hungry, huh?

Kat said...
April 30, 2010 at 10:27 PM

That is WAY too cute a story!

Anonymous said...
May 1, 2010 at 4:59 AM

Bloody dogs have got no patience have they?!! He won't be smiling when that door remain shut...

Hope the interview went well - although I fear she put down the phone and said to her colleague "you know, that woman stopped half way through the interview to feed her neighbours dog some chicken..."

Queen of Feisty said...
June 8, 2010 at 1:39 AM

Bully looks awesome. Bout the size of my two dogs tied together. I once had a racoon around 1 am attept to use my door and handle as leverage to get to the feeder for the birds. Fucker I thought was a ninja too.