Truth in Advertising

Brought to you exclusively by Dual Mom on
Commercials for feminine hygiene products. Is there any bigger farce in advertising?

Take for instance the commercial for tampons that has the woman twirling on the beach in a beautiful, flowing white gown. Her gorgeous blonde hair spins out around her as she twirls with an angelic smile on her face. She's happy, serene and shit wouldn't melt in her mouth. The commercial has us imagining her heading home for a candlelit bath when she's done frolicking on the beach. Then she'll give her hubby a blow job because having a period is THAT much fun.

Are you fucking serious?

How often do you twirl on a goddamn beach in a white dress while suffering from cramps that make you want to pull your uterus out of your body without the aide of anesthetic?

The one where the group of girls is out dancing and they're having a blast out on the dance floor. They have the discreet little tampon tucked into the pocket of their perfect size four jeans. Meanwhile there's a group of handsome young men standing around giving each of them they eye.

Oh yeah, that's what I want to do when I'm bloated.....dance.

And reusable menstrual pads? Just shoot me now. Apparenlty they are much more environmentally friendly. I'm sorry, I'll plant a fucking forest of trees with my bare hands using my teeth as a shovel before I'm washing bloody rags.

Ugly doesn't sell. Where's the commercial with a woman chewing midol like skittles while her head spins on her shoulders and vomit flies from her mouth? All the while she's drinking wine straight from the bottle with a straw, screaming at her kids and threatening her husband with castration? Yeah that shit doesn't sell tampons. It's too real. It would make for one hell of an entertaining commercial. I'd watch it.

It pisses me off that advertising companies try and glamorize something that is just nasty. Let's admit it, there is not one damn redeeming thing about THAT time of the month. Except of course if you happen to be in a shitty relationship and that time of the month is used as an excuse to not have sex. What? I'm just saying I've heard some women do that. It's not my fault the ex-husband didn't seem to know that there were only 30 days in a month.

PS. Apparently I'm not as fucking brilliant as I think I am. There IS indeed a "real" commercial put out by Kotex (thanks Mimi). I have one tv station people so I always miss out on the good commercials.  Hey Kotex, I still think you should make a commercial with a skittles chewing, wine chugging, pmsing mamma!!!

46 comments:

That One Mom said...
April 13, 2010 at 9:17 PM

Reusable pads? Are you kidding me?!?!?!? Nasty.

MiMi said...
April 13, 2010 at 9:19 PM

I've been seeing the reusable pads ideas around. Seriously. Like on Etsy and stuff? Freak me out. No thanks. I'm all for "green" but NO WAY. Have you seen the 2 new feminine hygiene commercials?? E-mail me back and I'll hook you up if you want! :)

vinomom said...
April 13, 2010 at 9:24 PM

Reusable Pads?? OMG that is just a little too granola for me. Barf.

I don't see the need to advertise feminine hygiene products. They are always bound to come on the television the first time you invite your boyfriend over for Family TV Night. Awkward.

Logical Libby said...
April 13, 2010 at 9:59 PM

They have reusable tampons too. Wrap your head around that. I mean, after you stop dryheaving.

Along said...
April 13, 2010 at 10:12 PM

Reusable pads are just taking it too far. I'm all for Mother Earth but hell no am I cleaning and reusing my blood soak pads. I'm getting an itch down there just thinking about it!!

Oya..those commercials where they say "Have a HAPPY period"....WTF? You just know it was scripted and directed by a MAN!!

adrienzgirl said...
April 13, 2010 at 10:41 PM

I am all for being green, BUT, I don't do cloth diapers. I damn sure ain't reusing pads. NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. EVER!

Taylorvillegirl said...
April 13, 2010 at 10:43 PM

Seriously? Reusable pads? Wtf?! That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of. Ewwwwww.
Excuse me, I have to go gag.
Okay, I'm back.
Happy Period, my ass. I'm with you. Where is the wine chugger?

Michelle Pixie said...
April 13, 2010 at 11:01 PM

I am all about going green but that is just a little too green even for me. GROSS!! I can't even imagine?! I'll be right there helping you dig that forest with my teeth.

Menopausal New Mom said...
April 13, 2010 at 11:12 PM

Suddenly menopause doesn't seem so bad :)

Raoulysgirl said...
April 13, 2010 at 11:39 PM

Reusable pads? Are you for real? If they want me to "go green" in that regard (other than from feeling nauseous), they better just make some biodegradable stuff. That's as far as I'll go. Period! (Pun intended)

GunDiva said...
April 14, 2010 at 12:30 AM

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I just got a full body shiver or maybe it was a full body dry heave.

Brittney said...
April 14, 2010 at 12:43 AM

LMAO! I know whatcha mean! them commercials get to me! HAHA reusable pads.. GAG me now!

How about the comercial when the women are at a BAR and are talking about birth control.. nah no thanks! haah

Alex said...
April 14, 2010 at 2:09 AM

I loved that Kotex ad!

Periods suck ass, that's why I keep getting pregnant. :)

Angelia said...
April 14, 2010 at 3:17 AM

ROFLMAO! You are hilarious! And so right. Eff those commericals. I think it should be totally acceptable to call in to work for period days. Go ahead, put my in a tent all alone on the outside of town like back in the good old days. Alone when I'm bloated and pissed off...why would I want that?

The Blue Zoo said...
April 14, 2010 at 4:01 AM

Reusable pads? Nasty. Thats just freakin gross!

I did see that funny tampon commercial!

I really dont see why they advertise at all. I mean they KNOW we are gonna HAVE to buy their products eventually.

Mrsblogalot said...
April 14, 2010 at 8:06 AM

Oh no sister. Reusable...gross, nasty and yuck!

Quixotic said...
April 14, 2010 at 8:09 AM

Did you say "reusable pads"??? nope, that's it - I was just sick in my mouth..

My Mercurial Nature said...
April 14, 2010 at 10:35 AM

This Kotex commercial seems to be floating around...I suppose I should actually go and watch it.

Laura said...
April 14, 2010 at 11:07 AM

Isn't there some type of "cup" thing out there that is re-usable? Not something I would ever use, but for some reason I feel like I've seen either a commercial or a print ad for that.

Mae Rae said...
April 14, 2010 at 12:32 PM

a few years back while sitting on toilet changing my glorious undergarments for the third time, I opened a new package of pads and the little paper said "have a happy period" I flipped, I called three people to tell them what I just read and how rediculous this was...three days later I recieved an email with a womans letter writen to said pad company telling them to shove thier happy periods up their you know whatsy...now I need to go find the Kotex commercial.

You should have posted it.

carma said...
April 14, 2010 at 1:06 PM

I want to stake out the store and see who would possibly buy these reusable pads - eeeeeeeegads

Yankee Girl said...
April 14, 2010 at 1:27 PM

"Then she'll give her hubby a blow job because having a period is THAT much fun."<-----That line was so funny!

Those commercials bother me as well. I hate that people are still trying to peg women as happy, loving, sweet creatures, when really, sometimes we just need to be hardcore bitches.

This is probably TMI (but you know how I love to offer TMI) but I use a sea sponge in the same way that one would use a tampon. It's healthier for you, does not come with a risk of TSS and, yes, I reuse it. At first I thought it was gross, but it holds more fluids and I have NEVER had leakage when I use one.

Cleaning it sucks, but I have gotten used to it now.

However, I still totally understand why people would be grossed out by it.

Danielle said...
April 14, 2010 at 1:38 PM

You crack me up! Good lawrd that was funny.

Salt said...
April 14, 2010 at 2:11 PM

Ummmm:

"And reusable menstrual pads?"

WHAT!? These exist!? That is so full on gross that I don't even know how to properly react to it.

Those Kotex commercials are the awesome though.

L said...
April 14, 2010 at 2:36 PM

As the Queen of PMS (hence my blog Tampons & Chocolate), I'm with you! Women would love to see a realistic take on what periods are really like. I think there should be a commercial showing various women with blood stains on their pants, as when you get to my age, your period seems to have a mind of its own. Screw the every 28 days. It's more like the damn thing thinks it's your birthday every month and on day 17 or day 20, it pops out and yells, "Surprise!"

Aunt Juicebox said...
April 14, 2010 at 2:56 PM

I did cloth diapers 16 years ago but I had a diaper service that came and got the dirty ones and washed and sanitized them for me.

I recall when my sister and mom had to use pads that didn't have sticky stuff on the back of them. They had little elastic garter thingy's that held them in place in your crotch. And what do you think women used before disposable pads were invented? (Only around 100-120 years ago.) Cloth, that they had to wash out themselves and reuse.

I have seen patterns for these reusable pads and many for sale, mostly from websites that are fanatical, and even suggest using rags as "toilet paper" I could see myself maybe using cloth pads, IF I weren't so damn lazy. Sometimes I feel guilty because you know that shit is totally never going to biodegrade and how many pads must the average woman use in her lifetime?

My favorite commercial is the woman who saves the town from a water tower that bursts by pulling a pad out of her purse and soaking up the water with it. Then she tucks it back into her purse to use later.

Linda Medrano said...
April 14, 2010 at 7:01 PM

You could always use hubby's odd socks for pads! (Or in your case, ex-hubby's). Of course you kept them, didn't you? What I like are the Summer's Eve ads. God yes, we need that. Alex wondered if they had them in KFC scent!

kyooty said...
April 14, 2010 at 10:27 PM

I'm more amused about the reactions to the reusable pads. I'm sure you've all reused your undies after you've had side gusher right?

Mad Woman said...
April 15, 2010 at 7:48 AM

Oh man, have I got the follow up post to this.

i couldn't use reusable pads either. nasty!

Secretia said...
April 15, 2010 at 7:48 AM

I agree the commercials that glamorize having your period are foolish, and when he wants a blowjob, he doesn't care what day of the month it is or what mood I'm in.

Kat said...
April 15, 2010 at 4:55 PM

You need to send in your idea of the perfect period commercial...I want to see it too!! LOL And washable rags? NO EFFEN WAY!! Ewwww!

~J said...
April 15, 2010 at 7:25 PM

Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaa! Please pitch this idea to Playtex/Tampax/Kotex....hey, why do they all end with X?

Erin said...
April 15, 2010 at 7:38 PM

I am all for being green, but I think pads are kinda gross in and of themselves (the regular disposable ones, too). I'm a tampon gal, and I do try to use organic tampons at least 1/2 the time. (who wants all those chemicals and bleach shoved up their vag?)...

LOL

middle child said...
April 16, 2010 at 1:16 AM

I think a truer commercial would start with Mrs. Noah building an ark knowing the flood would be coming soon.

gayle said...
April 16, 2010 at 10:33 PM

I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about that anymore!!

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...
April 16, 2010 at 11:33 PM

Reusable ... really ... OK I am soooo for the environment and all but disposable diapers and disposable pads are a neccessssittttyyyy ... oh, reuseable tampons would be Ok though! right!! HA.

Lori E said...
April 17, 2010 at 11:20 AM

It is like when they try and glamorize the erectile dysfunction meds.
Ya that's what I want. Some dude with a 4 hour woody following me around. With my luck he would have a stroke from the meds while on top of me and smother me to death.
Reusable pads, ugh. Besides you can't use them to make the lovely slippers that were so popular a while back.

Faux Trixie said...
April 17, 2010 at 12:25 PM

HOLY SHIZZY! Have you seen the Kotex commercial about this? It's fucking hilarious.

You're pretty funny yourself!

Rainey said...
April 17, 2010 at 2:50 PM

OMG I was just thinking today as my monster came to visit that it's really Mother Natures cock block for approx 20% of my fucking LIFE.

In a bad way though. If my relationship ever degraded to the point where I was looking forward to the monsters arrival, I'd be outta there faster than a jackrabbit with a crack problem.

T!nK said...
April 17, 2010 at 9:01 PM

what are they saying by making the reusable pads flannel? that only lesbians are nasty and love the earth?

A Blogoddess' Tale said...
April 18, 2010 at 12:18 AM

Here is the commercial we wish we all wished we had made over 30 years ago! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRf35wCmzWw


AMEN!

Jewels Diva® said...
April 18, 2010 at 11:19 PM

bahahahahahaha!!!!!

That's hilarious.

Daffy said...
April 19, 2010 at 10:08 AM

That forrest might get planted a whole lot faster if there were two of us working together. What time should I swing by?

Paula said...
April 21, 2010 at 3:35 PM

Nobody even mentioned the commercial for YAZ...which apparently makes it easy to cut your own hair, take a bath fully clothed, and assemble clothing on mannequins while you are having your period. Uhm, it's to treat PMDD, which is basically when you go a little crazy w/ your period...and I'm not sure, via this commercial, how YAZ is stopping that from happening?

My 13 year old son HOWLS every time he sees this commercial. He's like, "Yaz, in case your period makes you cranky, we've got something to make you insane instead!"

Mainland Streel said...
April 24, 2010 at 9:44 AM

I LOVED THIS! It's so friggin' true!

I hate those happy biatches in those commercials. I get snarly, homicidal, and sulky when I'm on my period, so believe me, twirling and dancing does not seem very realistic to me. :/

Anonymous said...
May 26, 2010 at 3:34 PM

My family & friends are upset about these commercials because they show scantily-clad young women, some of which are nearly naked! In one commercial a girl in a TRANSPARENT WHITE DRESS twists & dances on a beach & YOU CAN SEE HER NAKED BUTTOCKS RIGHT THROUGH THE SINGLE LAYER OF SEE-THROUGH MATERIAL! My kids asked me why that "lady" has no under-pants on? What do I say to that? That these girls are willing to be nearly naked JUST FOR MONEY. I told them we are NOT going to buy products that try to sell something on family-time TV with girls dressed smutty like that.