Truth in Advertising

Commercials for feminine hygiene products. Is there any bigger farce in advertising?

Take for instance the commercial for tampons that has the woman twirling on the beach in a beautiful, flowing white gown. Her gorgeous blonde hair spins out around her as she twirls with an angelic smile on her face. She's happy, serene and shit wouldn't melt in her mouth. The commercial has us imagining her heading home for a candlelit bath when she's done frolicking on the beach. Then she'll give her hubby a blow job because having a period is THAT much fun.

Are you fucking serious?

How often do you twirl on a goddamn beach in a white dress while suffering from cramps that make you want to pull your uterus out of your body without the aide of anesthetic?

The one where the group of girls is out dancing and they're having a blast out on the dance floor. They have the discreet little tampon tucked into the pocket of their perfect size four jeans. Meanwhile there's a group of handsome young men standing around giving each of them they eye.

Oh yeah, that's what I want to do when I'm bloated.....dance.

And reusable menstrual pads? Just shoot me now. Apparenlty they are much more environmentally friendly. I'm sorry, I'll plant a fucking forest of trees with my bare hands using my teeth as a shovel before I'm washing bloody rags.

Ugly doesn't sell. Where's the commercial with a woman chewing midol like skittles while her head spins on her shoulders and vomit flies from her mouth? All the while she's drinking wine straight from the bottle with a straw, screaming at her kids and threatening her husband with castration? Yeah that shit doesn't sell tampons. It's too real. It would make for one hell of an entertaining commercial. I'd watch it.

It pisses me off that advertising companies try and glamorize something that is just nasty. Let's admit it, there is not one damn redeeming thing about THAT time of the month. Except of course if you happen to be in a shitty relationship and that time of the month is used as an excuse to not have sex. What? I'm just saying I've heard some women do that. It's not my fault the ex-husband didn't seem to know that there were only 30 days in a month.

PS. Apparently I'm not as fucking brilliant as I think I am. There IS indeed a "real" commercial put out by Kotex (thanks Mimi). I have one tv station people so I always miss out on the good commercials.  Hey Kotex, I still think you should make a commercial with a skittles chewing, wine chugging, pmsing mamma!!!