Can Open....Hello Worms

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Well, I've done it. After 8 years and having to get a prosthetic tongue from biting it so much in my dealings with SWSNBN- I have openly pissed her. I feel as though the apocalypse is about to start. Curiously, another feeling I have, is relief. I feel as though a weight has been lifted. I feel as though I have finally stood up to the classroom bully.

In my Swine post, I outlined the argument over vaccines. It was never really resolved and last week was the first week in over seven years I have not received an email from SWSNBN regaling me with some story of her wonderful mom prowess.  I knew she was upset that I was making an executive decision regarding the vaccines. No, not upset - she was pissed. I mean c'mon - how dare I, right? How dare I decide on matters involving my childrens health without deferring to her. Take me now and burn me at the damn stake for my audacity people!!!

I had sent her an email on Thursday asking her to send the boys school newsletters home. Let me explain why I had to do this. The children get off the bus at their father's. She ensures that all school notices are left there for their father to read. This is about control, it has very little to do with keeping their father informed. For some reason, the school newsletters never make it back into the kitbags and into my place. I don't give a shit, it's all online and I make a point of checking it. In her mind, having the news from school and keeping it from me, gives her one up on me. She is then able to email me at 4:00 on the day Nora or one of the boys is supposed to be at an activity and say, "Oh by the way.....they'll be later, or I just got back from such and such or whatever" Anyway, she did not email me back. Not a word, nor have I seen the newsletters (which were not put online this month for some reason, hence my asking for them) The radio silence on her end confirms the fact that she is UPSET with me.

We now interrupt this regularly scheduled program to allow Dual Mom to have a stroke. The emails are coming in from her as I sit writing this post. Wait until I show them to you, I'm so glad I can entertain you folks this fine morning.

So driving the kids to school this morning I'm mumbling to myself about a dentist appointment Nora and Jimmy have tomorrow afternoon. Ex knows the appointment is coming up as I had asked him (two weeks ago) if his mother could take the kids to it (she often has Wednesday off). She couldn't so I told him I would get the time off work. Case closed. Monty pipes up and says, "SWSNBN is getting her mother to take them to the appointment". 

I'll give you a moment to allow that to digest. I do not even need to tell you all the things wrong with this.
I arrive at work and send this:


Monty told me this morning you have made plans to have your mother take the kids to their dentist tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know that I have this taken care of and will be picking them up.

Also, Jimmy is home sick today. I'm not sure if he's actually sick or just didn't feel like going to school. If he is actually sick I'll be canceling the appointment anyway.

Just thought I would let you know, would hate to have your mother show up to their schools and them not be there!

Talk soon
Dual Mom

I'm seething while writing this but think I managed to be respectful and polite, right?
I get this back not two minutes later:
Mom took them before so I figured it was easier as we all work.
So all the kids are are going to miss school?
There's no opening salutation, there's no closing, she is PISSED at me. This is NOT how she commicates with me. Her emails are generally so long and drawn out that I'm ready to drive a sharp instrument into my jugular by the time I finish reading them just to make the pain stop.
I reply with this:
I kept Jimmy home today. The other two are gone to school. As I said, I'm not 100% sure that he is in fact sick but didn't want to send him to school just in case.
I had no idea you had made plans for your mom to take them so I already cancelled two meetings and made arrangements to be out of  the office tomorrow afternoon.
Dual Mom
Her reply:
I did not make plans. Ex wanted me to ask her as Nanny (Ex's mother) has to work.
Trying to make easy for everyone.
My response:
SWSNBN - I get the distinct impression you're upset with me. My intention here is not to upset anyone. Ex should have communicated this to me. I had no idea he had made these plans, but that's a discussion I'll have with Ex.
I appreciate you trying to make things easy! I really do.
Dual Mom
Then I get this:
I am sorry but you made it sound as though I had made these plans all on my own.
I just wanted to clear it up as it was Ex's decision to call Mom.
As long as they get there, I am happy. Nora is probably going to need her tooth out as well. It is growing in crooked.
I think you should call Ex as we all feel that the kids should have the H1N1 vaccination.
All of us in the house are getting it, even Ex. You can discuss that with him.
So obviously we both have our back up and just need to calm down, right? It was Ex that instigated the call to her mother. What I find ironic is that she can inform me my daughter has a crooked tooth (obviously I've lost my eyesight and can not see this for myself) but she can't inform me she has asked her mother to take my kids to the dentist? What's up with that? I'm ready to start biting my prosthetic tongue again and let sleeping dogs lie when I get this:
I phoned the school today to let them know I will pick up Nora after school.
She has homework club today so I will pick her up at 4:00. 
Please excuse me while I go bang my fucking head against a wall just to make the insanity stop. DID WE JUST NOT SPEND THE LAST HOUR TALKING ABOUT THIS EXACT THING!?!?!?
Please dear interneters, help me make sense of this. My instinct is to lose my shit and just go ballistic on her ass. To what end though?  She obviously doesn't get it...
Teetering on the edge....
Dual Mom


Aunt Juicebox said...
November 3, 2009 at 1:18 PM

OMG Well, you know what - good for you! She shouldn't get away with treating you like you are secondary. And if Ex has an issue, why doesn't HE call you and talk about it? I get the feeling that half of the ideas he has are really HER ideas, but she just puts his name on it. And if you don't want your kids to get the damn vaccine, then they shouldn't get it and she should just shut up about it already. Damn, woman, I'd need something stronger than wine if I were you!

TONI B. said...
November 3, 2009 at 2:22 PM

WOW... I have nothing else to say about her...This is crazy!

L said...
November 3, 2009 at 8:24 PM

I am glad you stopped by my blog, because now I know about yours and I can see I'm going to enjoy it. I am a stepmom, but the crazy runs on the other side of the coin for stepson's mom. And I ain't just saying that because she's my husband's EX. I could do a whole blog about her, but I won't. She takes enough time from our already busy lives. Anyway, let me tell you something I have learned as a stepmom, and that is the partner with the penis often times talks out his ass. I love my hubby, but I can tell you that he has been to blame more than once for telling me one thing and telling her another. But it's usually because he's a nice man and he hates conflict. But he married me, and his ex-wife has psychological problems, so there's no escaping it at times. My advice, from experience, is that I think you would be better off dealing with your EX than his new wife. Although I had to draw that line in the sand myself (it was either that or a restraining order against my husband's EX), since doing so, my life is less stressful and my husband's life is less stressful...all because I am no longer caught in the middle. She still tries to contact me and stir the pot, but I just forward the emails and text messages to my husband. There is nothing she can't find out from him personally about their son that she can get from me.

My EX recently remarried and to a woman that was the wife of a couple we knew when we were married...and I could not stand her, because she was always flirting with my husband (now EX). Now they are MARRIED! But I have no problems with it and no problems with her, because my EX and I keep things between the two of us. That does not mean she does not spend time with my kids. She needs they need to bond and have a healthy relationship. It just means that when we have a problem with the kids or the kids are going to the doctor, my EX and I figure out all that stuff ourselves. Of course, you EX needs to understand that as well. They are your kids, not his and her kids. That's the bottom line.

Anonymous said...
November 4, 2009 at 9:37 AM

Sounds like that lady is seething at the notion that the kids ARE YOURS, NOT HERS! In the end, though, she doesn't decide whether they get vaccines, or who takes them to the dentist. You and their father do, right? You win. Don't let her get to you.

Dual Mom said...
November 4, 2009 at 11:36 AM

What ever would lead you to believe I let her get to me Jacob? :0)

(How do I insert a smiley face.....anyone?)

Anonymous said...
November 5, 2009 at 4:50 PM

*headdesk* I do think that you and Ex should just agree that anything that has to do with the children should be between you and him. She doesn't need to be the one contacting you, or the school, or any of that. They are your's and EX's children, and as such any communicating should be done between the two of you. I don't have any contact with Bio-Mom, other than being polite when we are in the same space and that is for the best for everyone involved.