To Swine...or not to Swine

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Why am I arguing with another woman over whether or not my children receive the H1N1vaccination?

Today's email:

Dual Mom -

The kids brought home permission slips to get the flu vaccines next week. I will sign them and return them to the schools tomorrow. Just thought I should let you know as they will be with you and there could be mild side affects.


Let's just pause a moment while my head spins around like the damn exorcist. She can't be fucking serious? Is my anger justified here? Am I being unreasonable? This is just wrong on so many levels, isn't it? I have asked her (very nicely) on three occassions over the past 8 years not to sign anything without first discussing it with me. The first time this happened (four years ago)was when she put her contact information on the registration form for Nora that the school sends out at the beginning of the year. Not a big deal as Ex is impossible to reach during the day. But she "forgot" to include my contact information on the form. The secretary at the school caught it and called me at work. My kids attend a consolidated school (K-9) so I have had children in this school for for 11 years. The poor woman knows our situation and was trying to be as diplomatic as possible, all the while knowing she was probably adding fuel to an already fearsome fire.

There is nothing in my life that makes me angrier than this woman trying to erase me from my children's lives. Why? She must know intellectually that she can't do it. It's not possible, my children love me. I love them, I'm not a neglectful mother, my children aren't starving for affection. I fully accept that she loves them. I accept it. So why can't she accept that she's never going to replace me?

Here's my response to her email (after my head stopped spinning on my shoulders):

I was actually going to call Ex regarding this. I do not want the children vaccinated. They have never had the flu vaccine, all three are in excellent health, and it has been at least 3  years since any of them have gotten the flu. Please do not sign the permission forms.

If either you or Ex would like to discuss this with me please give me a call this evening at home.

Have a good day!
Dual Mom

Not ten minutes later I got this:

Dual Mom -

You don't want them to get vaccinated? Have you heard how severe this flu can be? I don't think that is the most responsible decision to make. I know I do not want to get deatly sick from catching the flu from one of the kids. I know Ex agrees with me on this.


Can you imagine how angry I am by this point. So now I'm irresponsible. That's excellent, I'm glad she let me know because here I was thinking I's all grown up and stuff. She seems to know alot, doesn't she? Ex must have changed his views alot on vaccinations since we seperated. She forgets that I was married to the man. I wonder does she realize that one of the biggest fights we ever had was over vaccinating Monty when he was a baby? He forbid me to do it, I told him to blow it out his ass that I was not taking the chance of my child dying from measles. All three kids were vaccinated as babies.

My reply:

While I fully appreciate your desire not to get sick, I have to point out that if you intend to get the vaccine yourself, and the vaccine does what it is touted to do, you will not get sick. It will not matter if the kids spend a week barfing all over you! haha If you are concerned about the children being sick while with you and Ex I can assure you that I will be more than happy to take them into my place and nurse them back to health. I have at least a week of vacation days left over that I can take at any time. As stated in my previous email, I do not feel comfortable giving them this vaccine when they are perfectly healthy. Yes, I have indeed heard the horror stories the media so gleefully reports on. However, I will reiterate - IF they had a compromised immune system or were prone to illness I would not hesitate to vaccinate them. They are not. I am not comfortable giving my children a vaccine that has not had extensive human trials. I'll be more than happy to copy the research I've done on the vaccine to provide you with more information. I must stress here SWSNBN that you do not have my consent to sign these permission forms.

Again, I would be more than happy to discuss this further with you and Ex. Please give me a call this evening.
Dual Mom

What I wanted to say:

Dearest SWSNBN
Fuck off .
Thanks and have a great day!
Dual Mom

I spent the rest of the day angry at the world. Not only because she basically called me an idiot but also because I allowed her to make me angry. Someday, someday I will learn how to be the bigger person, won't I? Oh yeah, and no call yet from either one of them. The flu will be the least of her damn problems if she signs those slips.....


Anonymous said...
October 27, 2009 at 2:46 PM

I'm curious: Would the school accept a form signed by a stepmom?

Aunt Juicebox said...
October 27, 2009 at 3:46 PM

She's not even legally their step mom, so they better not effing accept it! WTF? Is that woman out of her damn gourd? If I were you, I'd call the school just to make sure that she doesn't have Ex sign them and return them without your consent.

She's obviously an idiot who believes everything she hears in the news. This h1n1 is no worse than regular seasonal flu. In fact, they aren't even testing people for it in this area anymore, unless they have extenuating circumstances like breathing problems (ie asthma). Must not be that critical to know which type of flu it is then, eh? The concern are people who fall into that area where catching ANY kind of flu could be deadly (babies, the elderly, etc) and that there was NO vaccine until recently for them. If you are a healthy person, you are just as likely to die from getting hit by a bus.

And yes you have every right to be angry that she thinks she can make decisions, sign forms, etc. She isn't even married to Ex, and that pretty much means she only has whatever power YOU give her. You are way nicer to her than I am to the Kraken that's for sure. I've made that byotch cry over stuff like this.

TONI B. said...
October 27, 2009 at 7:27 PM

WOW...As much as I believe that not only is my husband and Bio mom raising my step daughter so am I... I would NEVER have had the audacity to tell bio mom what she should and should not inject her children with...that is just silly! and on top of that...that is a conversation for you and thier father to have... it's ok if she doesn't agree with you but at the end of the day it's your decision so if she had a problem with it she should have complained to her husband about it and not you. That is exactly how unnecessary drama gets started...and the funny thing is SHE IS NOT EVEN HIS WIFE! hahaha The more I read about the dumb ISH this woman says the more I wan't to "accidently" trip her while she walking! lol

Anonymous said...
October 28, 2009 at 12:43 PM

She's not the stepmom? What was she going to do, create a signature line on the vaccination form, beneath "parent", for "live-in girlfriend and intermeddler"?

Dual Mom said...
October 28, 2009 at 7:09 PM

LOL J - intermeddler - what a great pseudonym for her!!! I wouldn't put it past her. She has, in the past, put her name down on school contact forms. I tell you the woman is cracked.

Her and Ex are not married (pretty difficult considering he's still legally my husband....eeehhhhh gives me the willies to say that)This is a bone of real contention with her. So technically, no she's not their stepmother. She has, however been in their lives constantly for 8 years.