Table Conversation Anyone?

I insist on eating dinner around the table. When my brother and his family arrived for Thanksgiving dinner (which was several weeks ago because I'm from Canada eh) the first thing out of my sister-in-law's mouth upon entering the house was, "Oh we're eating at the table?" Umm...as apposed to the floor, would you prefer I just set out troughs and throw the food at ya? When we're done eating we can just haul ass out to the front yard and hose each other off. I even go as far as to use a tablecloth. Apparently I'm one of a dying breed. People don't eat dinner at the kitchen table anymore. Jimmy was at a friend's house over the weekend and he said everyone laughed at him when he grabbed his plate of pizza and sat at the table. We tried it once, eathing in the living room, watching tv. We didn't like it. The kids said it felt "weird". Yes, I'm raising freaks of nature.

One evening as we were sitting down for dinner, Jimmy asked Nora something about her ipod. She replied with a bitchy tone of voice and Jimmy immediately brought her to task for it. Rather than have this explode into WWIII where I'm physically restraining the holy terrors, I intervened and explained to Jimmy that I did not think Nora had meant her reply to come out as snarky as it sounded, though sometimes a girl's tone of voice could be construed as such (how fucking lame am I). Jimmy didn't buy it and replied, "That's not a valid excuse for being a bitch Mom, you know sometimes I think it would be easier to be a homosexual".  Whatever I was drinking at the time immediately spewed out my nose in my effort not to laugh. This kid says the damndest things that make me absolutely piss myself. The kid is 15. And he's right, isn't he? I've often said it. Unfortunately I like the male body way too much to be a lesbian.

Yes, my son said bitch. I don't know where he learned such language.