My Secret Boyfriend

This weekend has been an Ally McBeal marathon. Do you remember Ally McBeal? Ran for five seasons from 1998 - 2002.

In 2001, in between stints at rehab, my secret boyfriend played a significant role on the show.

Isn't he puuuurty? He loves me, he just doesn't know it yet. Someday, he'll discover me, and the addictions, arrests and all around naughty behavior will end. Hey, with the love of a good woman, especially with the love of a Dual Mom, anything is possible, right?

See how sad he is? That pensive, brooding look? It's because his life is empty without me. Those are probably my initials on his delectable bicep (shutyourpiehole and don't burst my delusion).

Smirk all you want baby, someday you'll realize the error of your ways. All of these woman you've used to try and fill the void will be thrown to the wayside (no offense to the current wife). Sarah, Calista...all of them will be a faint, distant bad memory.

Can  you fucking imagine coming home to this? Let me tell y'all right now, blogging would be at the bottom of my list of things to do.

It's absolutely criminal that there are men like this in the world that we will never know. Ya know, like know know.