As the whole world knows, Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics. I stumbled across a website for the athletes to post questions about Canada and the province of Vancouver. I believe it was a site hosted by British Columbia tourism, but I could be wrong and I'm too lazy to go back and look.
These questions were taken directly from the site, I've ummmm tweaked some of the answers just a little bit.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. It's what we do instead of watching football.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: With the assistance of enough wacky tabacky, we can provide you with just about any type of hallucination you would like.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: It's about four thousand miles, give or take a mile. I hope you have a good pair of shoes.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but racoon furs are accepted at most trading posts. Bring your canoe for transport.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked..
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
I'm off to bet on the hippo races. Happy Monday!
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