Are You Seriously Asking That Question?

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As the whole world knows, Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics. I stumbled across a website for the athletes to post questions about Canada and the province of Vancouver. I believe it was a site hosted by British Columbia tourism, but I could be wrong and I'm too lazy to go back and look.

These questions were taken directly from the site, I've ummmm tweaked some of the answers just a little bit.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. It's what we do instead of watching football.


Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: With the assistance of enough wacky tabacky, we can provide you with just about any type of hallucination you would like.


Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: It's about four thousand miles, give or take a mile. I hope you have a good pair of shoes.


Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.



Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )

A: No, but racoon furs are accepted at most trading posts. Bring your canoe for transport.


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )

What's cutlery?

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked..


Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

A: No, WE don't stink.



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Only at Thanksgiving.


Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

I'm off to bet on the hippo races. Happy Monday!

38 comments:

Yankee Girl said...
February 8, 2010 at 1:26 PM

You are for serious, aren't you?

I am laughing so hard I think a little pee came out!

People are so stupid/funny...and make me a little embarrassed to be from the States.

Allenspark Lodge said...
February 8, 2010 at 1:30 PM

Wow, finally the end. My gut hurts from laughing, and my dog is watching me VERY closely...
Bill

Homesick Cajun said...
February 8, 2010 at 1:35 PM

Lmao...I'm on my way to the hippo races but I aint goin' naked. I'd freeze my kibles and bits off!

Dual Mom said...
February 8, 2010 at 1:36 PM

Bill - it's probably the human urine that has your dog scrutinizing you so closely. :0)

Yankee Girl - as I said - I think the people posting these questions are probably married to their first cousin - or perhaps their brother/sister?

Aunt Juicebox said...
February 8, 2010 at 1:51 PM

That was freaking hilarious! Don't you just love morons?

wines constantly said...
February 8, 2010 at 2:01 PM

Thank you for this Monday morning laugh. Wow. And hippo races....that one made me snort.

Eternally Distracted said...
February 8, 2010 at 2:14 PM

I love these!! there is nothing funnier than stupidity!

theothermommy said...
February 8, 2010 at 2:17 PM

I'm surprised more questions weren't from the states!

Mrsblogalot said...
February 8, 2010 at 2:47 PM

To say that you and these Q&A's are priceless would be a vicious understatement

LMFAO!!!!!!!

vinomom said...
February 8, 2010 at 2:48 PM

Dude those were NOT real questions were they? That was fucking hilarious. I want to see Hippo Races!

advocatemom said...
February 8, 2010 at 2:58 PM

DualMom, YOU are hillarious!! Hill-ar-i-ous!

Dual Mom said...
February 8, 2010 at 2:59 PM

Vino - I shit you not. They are REAL questions. Don't you just love stupidass people?

I want to see hippo races too...THAT would be entertainment at it's finest!!!

Mae Rae said...
February 8, 2010 at 3:04 PM

gay night clubs...great answer!

Sandra said...
February 8, 2010 at 3:12 PM

Can't fix Stupid!!

Thanks for the laugh, people here at work think I'm on something :)

rxBambi said...
February 8, 2010 at 3:18 PM

OMG that was HYSTERICAL!

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

A: No, WE don't stink.

Bwahahahahaha! thank you god for a monday morning laugh. Okay it's really 1:15pm but I didn't haul my cookies outta bed til almost 11am so it's still like morning to me :)

GunDiva said...
February 8, 2010 at 3:55 PM

This is great! And I can believe that they are real questions...I was once asked "at what altitude does a deer become an elk?". I shit you not. So apparently, they're not different species, they're one and only the altitude makes the difference. Maybe the further north you go the elk with then become those big horses with antlers...

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...
February 8, 2010 at 4:17 PM

I am laughing hysterically at your answers...things I didn't know and good thing I have some good shoes and lots of raccoon skins!

Shandal said...
February 8, 2010 at 4:31 PM

This post is so freaking hilarious! Are those questions for real? LOL

Shandal said...
February 8, 2010 at 4:34 PM

Do you mind if I tweet this?

Mad Woman said...
February 8, 2010 at 4:48 PM

I love that people are stupid enough to ask these questions. *sigh*

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...
February 8, 2010 at 5:34 PM

When you have to pull out the term Wacky Tabacky from your archives, you know you are dealing with the big time of idiots.

Danielle said...
February 8, 2010 at 5:37 PM

That was just "aboat"(had to make fun of Canadians since the USA just showed what idiots we are) the funniest thing I have ever read. I am so embarrased to be from(USA).

Quixotic said...
February 8, 2010 at 5:49 PM

lol- these are hilarious!! I have seen this before as an email, only they were changed form Canada to Australia.

Secretia said...
February 8, 2010 at 5:50 PM

Those questions seem ridiculous to say the least!

Secretia

Queen of Feisty said...
February 8, 2010 at 6:40 PM

Seriously, I needed your post as much as everyone should avoid my bitter raid on my post.

Either way, I love your naked hippo races, I am amazed at what people think. ATMS? Thanksgiving?

Wow.

Feisty

Corrie Howe said...
February 8, 2010 at 8:47 PM

I love this! What a great idea for a post. I chuckled through most of it, because I don't LOL or ROFLMAO.

Noelle said...
February 8, 2010 at 10:11 PM

HAHAHHAHAHA! OMG...that is TOO funny! i can't believe the stupid things people ask!

hey...wait a minute...did you say...really? the 2010 winter olympics are being held in vancouver this year?!

hmmmmmmm...

Logical Libby said...
February 8, 2010 at 11:18 PM

While your humor makes you seem Canadian, I am kind of in doubt, because you didn't say "eh" once.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...
February 8, 2010 at 11:56 PM

I guess stupidity is a global problem...better call Al Gore to solve this. I am positive he would like naked hippo races and chasing a moose. And polar bears are on the crazy island in "Lost." You just need to crash a plane to find them.

Scribe said...
February 9, 2010 at 1:38 AM

I was once asked if we had electricity and gas heating in Canada. I was in Ohio at the time, and yes, the questioner was American.

Tracie said...
February 9, 2010 at 7:29 AM

You can't fix stupid. It's the blog fodder that keeps on giving.

Kim said...
February 9, 2010 at 8:47 AM

Hilarious. My stepsister lives in Canada, it is a big culture shock when she comes to visit us here in Georgia.

gayle said...
February 10, 2010 at 12:43 AM

Hard to believe!! Don't you wish you could really answer them that way.. I hope some of them were joking....really

You are so funny!!

T!nK said...
February 10, 2010 at 8:30 AM

sometimes, I amm ashamed to say I am from the US.

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