It's Tuesday And You Know What That Means

Tuesday is my new favorite day of the week. It's the day we are given free license to be snarky, sassy and just a tad bit attitudinal by the one and only Zgirl over at the Think Tank. If you'd like to join in the fun, stop by, link up and have at it.

Let us proceed.

Dear Boyfriend,

Where do I begin?  Thank you for the having the mentality of a teenaged boy. Really. The fact is I already have two teenage boys and I do not need a third. You see nothing wrong with them blowing farts out their ass while walking across the living room floor, sitting at the dinner table, or sitting beside their mother. That's just truly awesome. Thanks for your encouragement of this behavior by issuing farting contests. That's the way I like to roll, a grown man (who I will never have sex with again if you don't wisen the fuck up) and my two teenagers filling my house with enough gaseous substance to set the place ablaze were someone to light a match. It doesn't make me question my taste in men...at all. You get that you're almost 42 years old, right? When can I expect you to grow up?

I'd also like to thank you for folding the couch throw before you left last weekend. It was truly thoughtful. The email you sent me asking if I'd noticed that you folded the couch throw, yeah that probably wasn't necessary. I know you truly believe that you should be voted humanitarian of the year because you folded the couch throw, but it's probably not going to happen. They do not give out awards for performing simple tasks that women perform 6,548, 456 times a week....just because you're a man and had the wherewithal to notice the throw needed folding.

All your fucktardedness aside, you did kind of sort of just a little bit redeem yourself by sending me this:

What's the chances you'd be willing to work on a physique like that? hmmmm?

Love you but would so cheat on you in a heartbeat with RDJ

DM

Dear Unfollowers:

I'm a fairly confident person. Yes, I hate my ass, and my cheeks are too bulgy and I question my own sanity alot of the time, but I'm relatively confident. I would like to thank the THREE of you for taking that confidence and dashing it beneath your well shod foot leaving me a quivering mound of  stuttering shamefulness. Thank you.

So why? Why did you leave me? Was it the cursing? If so, well, I'm afraid you're just going to have to fuck off because it's not like I've ever pretended to be a puritan with a regular vocabulary. I think my very first post contained more curse words than not. At no point in time have I ever pretended to be anything but what I am; a foul mouthed, over-opinionated, rambling woman with a college education and a vorocious appetite for reading which has expanded my vocabulary exponentially which really isn't something that any woman that likes to talk about herself as much as I do should have. BREATHE

Did I scare you with the new layout? The pink is a bit garish I admit, but I like it. It's not like I was forcing you to change your blog to pink. Would this really make you stop following me?

So thanks unfollowers. I'm off to see my therapist.

DM