The "Other" Woman

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I alluded to "she who shall not be named" in my first post. I am quite proud of the fact that I waited until my third post before verbally punching that bitch in the nose. Ohhhhh the pent up anger and resentment.  Ohhhhhhhh I hate her, I hate her, I hate her (and yes dammit I am stamping my foot as I say that). Yes, my hate is based on that fucking overshadowing green eyed monster, jealousy. The jealousy in turn makes me angry at myself because I want to be the bigger person, I want to allow the things this woman does and says roll off my back, but I can't, I can't, I can't do it, every word and action from that woman pierces me to the very core, and it makes me so damn furious that she has that power over me sob sob sob. Ok I'll stop now.

Backtrack a bit: SWSNBN (cleveh eh?...ok not really) is Ex's girlfriend, obviously. They started dating ONE month after I moved out (post for another day perhaps). She moved into the house about six months later. My kids spend 2 weeks a month with their father. She's there. She is a c*nt not a bad person, she loves my kids. She is however, immature (32 I think) and quite jealous of me, which is ironic.

Y'all are going to think I'm crazier than bat shit when I say this but I swear on my brand new pair of Nine West shoes, I tell the truth -- SWSNBN believes to her very core, that she has as much say in the raising of my children as their father and I. I would go as far as to say she believes that she has more say in their lives then their mother. Ok, pick your chin off the floor, there ya go. I have emails to prove it.

It is without a doubt the largest thing I struggle with in regard to Ex and I sharing our children. I smile in her presence, I am completely civil to her (most of the time), I do not bad mouth her in front of my children. It feels so incredibly good to write here how much she fucking drives me completely around the bend. Because I don't do it IRL. I take the high road for the sake of my children. I ACT completely mature and rational when speaking about her with my children. Because they like her. And oh it breaks my heart that they like her. I want them to hate her, I want them to stomp their feet and insist that their father dump her fat ass. Oh how I would dance with glee. It's not going to happen. Because they like her....

It's a double edged sword, right? I mean, how awful would it be for my little darlings if they did not like the woman in my Ex's life? It would be pretty awful because I'm not sure if Ex would have the brains to realize it and choose his children over his relationship. So it is a good thing that they like her, for them. It makes their life so much fuller, and that is what I want for them. But that insidious, petty, jealous, ugly part of my soul wants them to hate her.

I feel as though I have just spent hours on a therapists couch. It's wonderful to get that venom out. It really isn't good for the psyche to hold that shit in.

Perhaps sometime I'll post about the time she cut my daughter's hair, her beautiful hair which hung to the middle of her back in a blonde, shiny curtain. She cut it just below her ears. I struggled that day, alot, not to choke the bitch with my bare hands and pull every damn hair out of her head.

Rant over.

3 comments:

Aunt Juicebox said...
October 24, 2009 at 10:17 PM

I would love to write more stories about the "other" woman on my blog. She makes me want to puke but mainly because she's such a crappy mother to her own children now that she has some, but she has always tried to tell ME how to be a mother all these years. Blah.

TONI B. said...
October 27, 2009 at 6:40 PM

O M G... I can't belive she cut your daughters hair! That was totally out of line. I braid my step daughters hair once a week (makes my life and bio moms life much easier) but I would NEVER do anything drastic to her hair withOUT her mothers permission...not her fathers...but her mothers. That is just crazy and she deserves to be smacked for that! My mouth is still open and jaw on the floor!

Queen of Feisty said...
December 10, 2009 at 2:39 PM

Jaw. on. floor. The hair cut would send me OVER the edge.

Glad you have blogger to vent. I loves it SO much for that reason. I don't like my IRL people to read it, just a few old old friends though. Strangers have the BEST opinions. Plus we bloggers seem to be a bit more honest with each other.

Queen of Feisty