Ed and Daffy...Daffy and Ed

So there's this dude Ed.

And there's this dudette Daffy.

They're both certifiably insane. I know insane when I see it.

I should link their names to their blogs, but at this point I've been mainlining coffee and R.ed B.u.l.l. for the last two days in an effort to stay awake and really the thought of taking the time and effort to do the linky thing is tantamount to climbing a fucking mountain with a goat on my back. I have no idea why I would have a goat on my back.

Did you know spell check in blogger doesn't recognize fuck as a misspelled word? How cool is that?

It would appear that Ed has some sort of shit show in which he proclaims the world's funniest bloggers and you get a crown, sphincter or spectre or some sort of sticky thing,  and world domination. I truly believe I could rock the hell out of dominating the world so I want to win. I could probably also rock the hell out of a sphincter.

Daffy..... What can I say about Daffy? If I were gay, I would so have sick, stalkerish, obsessive, want to hump your leg love for Daffy. Ok, I'm not gay and I still want to hump her leg. She's the one who nominated me for world dominance.

And even though I'm so fucking tired I tried to make my car go for five minutes this morning before I realized I was in neutral (all the while cursing like a truck stop whore because goddammit the car is only a year old)here I am posting. According to Ed's rules for world domination, I have to be funny all the time. Fucking stupid rule. I mean c'mon....NO ONE is funny all the time. My deep and thoughtful shit can be please stab me in the eye with a dull butter knife and force arsenic down my throat boring interesting too.

Ed - that's just a stupid rule. I say that fully recognizing I probably shouldn't call you stupid, and I'm not really, it's the rule I think is stupid.  You know, considering you hold my chance of world domination in the palm of your hand and all. Ok yes I'm calling you stupid. It's the caffeine, or the goat.

I haven't posted yet about happy hour that turned into happy 6 hours last Friday. Funny little things happened such as one of my perfectly respectable buds pulling down her pants in the middle of a bar to show people her tan lines. She had really great underwear on though so it was ok.

I had a fabulous time (apparently) chatting up a young, blond haired, blue eyed boy who sat down next to me at the bar.  I made him laugh until he spit beer through his nose and then I told him that he's just a baby, that I would "chew him up and spit him out" and that he's in "way over his head" in even contemplating what he's contemplating. I have no recollection of what he was contemplating nor do I have any recollection of saying ANY of this - three friends swear those exact words came out of my mouth. There was also someone recording it on an iphone. I've been keeping a close eye on You Tube.

I swear I'm a danger to myself and should not be left unsupervised. I'm thinking of starting my very own version of AA.

What was the point of this post? Oh yeah...world domination.

Were we talking about goats?

I actually used to have a goat. I grew up on a farm. The goat used to slide down the slide with me. There's a picture somewhere.

Ok, I'm just sorry for this post. I have sleep scheduled for Friday, so it will be better after that.

And just an update - have not heard from son, have not spoken to the boyfriend and I've worked 18 hour days every day so far this week. My front lawn could hide terrorist activity the grass is so fucking long. Any day now I expect the neighbours to riot and burn me at the stake.

Your comments and emails made me cry (fuckers). When I'm rich there will be new cars and designer shoes for all of you.