And so it ends.
Officially, and perhaps more importantly, with the answers I needed to - if not mend my broken heart - to at least partially fill my need to make sense of it all.
His text today, "I can't give you what you need, what you deserve. It will hurt less to end it now than in six months time. Sometimes love isn't enough."
"You cowardly son of a bitch", was my reply.
Then I went vaginal, he went silent and I said goodbye to my blue eyed boy. He was never mine, I see that now.
So after more than two weeks of radio silence I have my answer. I'm trying not to dwell on the thought that keeps running through my head....he simply didn't love me enough. It's what it all boils down to, but I can't dwell on that.
I typed all of that without crying. Progress...
I deserve a man that loves me beyond reason.
I deserve a man who will fight tooth and nail for my love.
I deserve a man who stays awake just to watch me sleep.
I deserve a man who is constantly willing to remind me how lucky he is to have me.
I deserve a man who when he says I love you, doesn't attach a dozen conditions to that love.
And I won't settle for less, no matter how much I miss his smile. It amazes me that even though he broke my heart, every little piece of it still loves him.
With Love, To Nicky Eff and Max
5 weeks ago