A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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And so it ends.

Officially, and perhaps more importantly, with the answers I needed to - if not mend my broken  heart - to at least partially fill my need to make sense of it all.

His text today, "I can't give you what you need, what you deserve. It will hurt less to end it now than in six months time. Sometimes love isn't enough."

"You cowardly son of a bitch", was my reply.

Then I went vaginal, he went silent and I said goodbye to my blue eyed boy. He was never mine, I see that now.

So after more than two weeks of radio silence I have my answer. I'm trying not to dwell on the thought that keeps running through my head....he simply didn't love me enough. It's what it all boils down to, but I can't dwell on that.
I typed all of that without crying. Progress...

I deserve a man that loves me beyond reason.
I deserve a man who will fight tooth and nail for my love.
I deserve a man who stays awake just to watch me sleep.
I deserve a man who is constantly willing to remind me how lucky he is to have me.
I deserve a man who when he says I love you, doesn't attach a dozen conditions to that love.

And I won't settle for less, no matter how much I miss his smile. It amazes me that even though he broke my heart, every little piece of it still loves him.

11 comments:

Along said...
February 22, 2011 at 10:55 PM

Tell me he did not just quote Patty Smyth??!! Argghhh!!

The pain will pass and your heart will heal. You are so right about what you truly deserve. Why should we settle for anything less?

Stay strong. *Hugs*

Scribe said...
February 22, 2011 at 11:27 PM

You do deserve more, Dual Mom and certainly more than a coward who goes off the grid when you express the things you need. Head up, lady!

adrienzgirl said...
February 23, 2011 at 12:05 AM

Sometimes people don't love themselves enough to love another as much as they deserve.

I know that doesn't make it any easier, but it is the truth of it. Somewhere deep in the heart of it, they are afraid they'll fuck it up, or don't deserve it, or whatever other excuse they can come up with to abuse themselves.

blueviolet said...
February 23, 2011 at 9:00 AM

You deserve it and it will come to you!

MindyMom said...
February 23, 2011 at 10:57 AM

I can relate to this big time! And I compltely agree with what you deserve, what every woman deserves. I hope we both find it.

Yankee Girl said...
February 23, 2011 at 1:12 PM

I am glad you had some form of closure, though it will still be hard.

He didn't deserve you, and you deserve better. Never forget that.

Another Day of Crazy said...
February 23, 2011 at 4:27 PM

You may still love him, but the first step is knowing you really do deserve better.

Danielle said...
February 23, 2011 at 5:16 PM

I so agree with adrienzgirl. I don't think he loved himself enough to love you the way you deserve.
He is out there! But, I think he is in Colorado, so you may have to travel! :)

purseblogger said...
February 23, 2011 at 6:08 PM

I'm so sorry girl. But yes, you are right. You do deserve those things. When he comes along you will look back at this guy and be grateful you waited for Mr. Right. I know it. xoxo

Menopausal New Mom said...
March 4, 2011 at 3:53 PM

I agree with AG, this guy definitely has a problem with himself and needs to work on that before he can love anyone else. I hate that you're hurting, you'd think as we get older this shit would stop happening, sounds so "teenage"

Hugs,
Deb

gayle said...
March 14, 2011 at 11:21 PM

I don't know how I missed this.

Sweetie your heart is going to hurt for a long time....I'm so sorry to say. It's like a death. Thinking of you!