Silver Linings and Fucking Snow

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Fucking snow.

Fucking fucking fuckity fuck fucker fuck snow. Bastard snow I curse you with every fibre of my being.

Why yes I am sick of the snow, how could you tell? It's been snowing for the last 693 fucking days. It's like snowfuckingpalooza and let me tell you it's getting old fast. I'm sure if I went back in my archives I'd probably find an almost identical post at this time last year. One where I threatened to punch all the skiers in the vagina and shove their poles up their arse. (No offense to any of my darling readers who might enjoy such a passtime).

At this moment I am stuck sideways in my driveway. Don't ask me how I ended up sideways...I am just THAT good people. It is 11:07 and my day is just NOW ending. I have been on the go since 6:15 this morning. Stab me in the face please.

My heart is still broken but let me tell you cursing like a crazy psychotic bitch who's forgotten to take her meds certainly makes me feel better. That and your comments. You guys are just the best damn bunch of people in the world. I say so so it must be true, right?

It was two weeks ago today that he told me he loved me. How do you go from that to this in two weeks? I don't understand. I just sit here and try to make sense of it all ... and no matter how many tears fall or how much I think - it doesn't. It doesn't make sense. I sent him a text yesterday morning, it said "I love you, I miss you" and he ignored it. He has never ignored a text I've sent him.

So the rat fink bastard has been deleted from my fucking phone and at the first opportunity I'm going to bitch slap the fucker like he's never been bitch slapped before. I'll take pictures and share with you.

Excuse me while I get another kleenex. I've cried so much over the last four days my fingertips are shrivelled up. One would think the amount of wine I've been drinking would keep me from getting dehydrated.

He's not a rat fink bastard. Truth be told if he were to walk in my door right now, I don't know that I wouldn't just fall into his arms like the lily ass bitch that I am. But he has been deleted from my phone. Every loving text, every sweet nothing, every picture of sunsets in New Hampshire and his smiling face have been deleted. They are all gone. My heart shattered in a million pieces doing it but it was the only way I could keep from contacting him. I don't have his number memorized. No number prevents me from making an ass of myself. I do have some pride left.

So the continual crying has stopped. Now it's just moments where I'll be driving along feeling part human again and I'll have a vivid flashback of something he said, or the way he looked at me and it's like someone punched me in the sternum. When does that stop?

The silver lining, I bought a pair of pants today in size 5. Size 5 people!!! I haven't worn size five since I was ....well probably five years old. Now before you go apeshit on my ass and tell me I'm not looking after myself I need to tell you this is what happens to me when I get stressed like this. It's happened twice before; when my mother died and when I left my husband. I rate my stress level by the amount of weight that falls off me. This would be a quadzillion and one on the richter scale. But I'm wearing a size five...GO ME!!

I will be ok, I will be ok, I will be ok. Fake it till you make it, right?

19 comments:

Dee said...
February 8, 2011 at 11:28 PM

Hugs boo, I know that nothing else I say will make you feel better lol. And FUCK the snow! Yuck...I'd be miserable in that shit lol!

Menopausal New Mom said...
February 8, 2011 at 11:40 PM

Size 5!! Now that's a silver lining! I'm the same way, stress and unhappiness and the weight just falls off me too.

And yes you will be okay, you have to, you have kids who depend on you and as rotten as you feel right now, you will eventually reach indifference. I can't tell you how long it will take but that's the light at the end of the tunnel. Indifference. In the meantime, get your car out of the snowbank and make sure you have lots of wine on hand!

Hugs to you Sweetie and I'm right here if you need a shoulder.

adrienzgirl said...
February 9, 2011 at 12:54 AM

The only comfort we have in this world sometimes is great wine and fabulous fucking shoes. Go buy yourself some expensive shoes, and then drink some wine out of those fabulous shoes! You'll feel better!

GunDiva said...
February 9, 2011 at 12:56 AM

Size 5! Sorry it came about because of such shitty circumstances, but, damn!

Did you know that Colorado ranks 2nd in the nation for foulest mouths? I shit you not. Utah (UTAH?!) tops the list as #1. So why don't you move down here, where we have less fucking snow and maybe we can beat out those bastards in Utah as the cursiest state?

Just a thought...we have to play to our strengths :)

Miss Sadie said...
February 9, 2011 at 4:41 AM

If you think things are tough, you should try living in Canada for a winter.

blueviolet said...
February 9, 2011 at 9:28 AM

That's a sweet size 5 silver lining! I lose weight the very same way. It just falls off when I am really upset.

Another Day of Crazy said...
February 9, 2011 at 1:32 PM

Fuckity fuck fuck fucking men! Fake it til you make it is right... you'll pull through. Monkey ball (non)bastard.

Another Day of Crazy said...
February 9, 2011 at 1:32 PM This comment has been removed by the author.
MindyMom said...
February 9, 2011 at 2:26 PM

Stress makes me gain, damnit! And my life is filled to the gills with that shit.

Very strong of you to delete all traces of him - I know how hard it is to stop all contact. Hang in there! It does get better.

The Queen said...
February 9, 2011 at 9:33 PM

Since we have thrown you in our Royal Prison, I will demand the guards bring you the top shelf wine. As much as you want. and I will order them to up grade your cell. Honey, the pain goes away, but sometimes, you just have to bitch slap the son of bitch hard enough his grandkids will feel it,, to make yourself feel better..

My advise, slide into those size five jeans, put on those smoking hot high heals, and walk in the door, one hip at a time.. bitch slap him.. and tell him to enjoy the view as you walk out!

But, that's just me..

The Swimmer said...
February 9, 2011 at 11:57 PM

It's going to take some time, it's going to continue to hurt for awhile, you're going to cry some more but, in the end, you'll come out of it and you will be fine and strong and fabulous.

June said...
February 10, 2011 at 8:58 AM

Snow. Hate Snow.

And I don't like stubborn men who ignore and avoid. Assholes.

Fake it till you make it - It does work, really!
And you will come out a better person.

Yankee Girl said...
February 10, 2011 at 11:17 AM

You will be okay. You will be okay.

You better take that size 5 ass and go shopping. Buy something hot.

Daffy said...
February 10, 2011 at 12:09 PM

The Queen and Adrienzgirl are fucking awesome...wine and shoes...shoes and wine...WHINE and shoes and wine....

Yes yes yes.... I'm not really sure when things stop coldcocking you outta the blue. I can let you know when I figure it out. Until then I advise having a small pack of tissue on hand at all times. *knuckle bump* to the size 5. That has to make you smile a little bit. Look in the mirror...smooth your hands down over your hips...shift from side to side and smirk a little while thinking "miss this you stupid motherfucker" the sniffle and wipe your nose very unlady like with the back of your hand as you saunter out of the room.

Fake it til you make it....that's my motto...sometimes you gotta eat some chocolate and buy some humpmepumps and kick something and maybe yell at someone every now and then....

Danielle said...
February 10, 2011 at 2:42 PM

Heh, you know what I say! Best way to get over one is to get under another. Not to mention all of the takers of a size 5!!!! You bitch!
Here is to the boys we love,
Here is to the boys who love us,
If the boys we love don't love us to hell with them and here's to us!!!!!!!
We will survive!

GB Girl said...
February 11, 2011 at 10:41 PM

Sideways? Really? That takes serious talent. I'm impressed.

I hope you are drinking wine from your sexiest shoes and eating all the freakin chocolate your little heart desires. You kick ass. Don't ever forget that.

Seriously...size 5?! You rock!

gayle said...
February 12, 2011 at 12:05 AM

What in the hell is wrong with this man!!!????

Congrats on the size 5!!

Angelia said...
February 15, 2011 at 1:18 PM

I'm so damn tired of snow. We are supposed to get warm weather here this weekend. Awesome. That just means this crap will melt, freeze and be slicker than snot in the morning. Kick. Ass.

Grats on the weight loss! Ok, maybe stress isn't the diet, but dude...it works!

Sammy K said...
February 16, 2011 at 2:59 PM

This snow really is pretty fucking ridiculous. It's been everywhere too, so it doesn't make anyone feel any better.

As far as those size 5 jeans go, you go girl! Get you some hot ass pumps and tell him to stick that in his pipe and smoke it. Stress is awesome for the weight loss!! And for making the son of a bitch feel like shit for being a dickwad. "New shoes cure the blues."