JM2C or Just My Two Cents - For Those of Us That Speak In Full Sentences

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When did this freaking become a blog about my dating life? How the hell did that happen? I blame it on you, and you....oh yeah and you had a part in it too.

Seriously, since the blogging world has become my go to when matters near and dear have me stumped I need your help.

You see, I suck at online dating.

There I said it. Hi I'm Dual Mom and I suck so badly at online dating. Is there a support group? Like suck dirty monkey balls I'm that bad.

Let me back up a moment and say a few things non boy related. My middle anklebiter turns 16 today. Why yes, I was 14 when I had him. Ok not really, fuck. While I'm glad my kids are growing up into semi well adjusted, non serial killer types, every birthday makes me nostalgic for the days when they were small and I didn't really like them that much.

And school starts in two weeks. What the hell? Yesterday, my daughter presented me with a list of all the "things" she needs before starting Junior High. Yeah, junior high, I know it made my fucking head spin too. So now I'm going to have to work the corner every night for the next two weeks just to get her half of the things on her "needs" list.

Ok onto the dating segment of the joke that is my life.

I joined an online dating site. I know, right?

Because I'm a smart ass my profile includes details regarding my internal debate over the whole cat lady/cougar scenario, the fact that acronyms drive me completely around the fucking bend (it's YOU not U people) and boys with beer bellies need not apply. Not that I have anything against beer bellies, some of the most wonderful guys I know have bellies, however, I'm in the shallow, vain I just want you to be pretty segment of my life and that's what I want. I make no apologies for it. I also state that if you can't start a sentence with a capital letter we probably won't have much in common.

Bitch, right? Mehhh

Anyfussybitch, for your reading pleasure I have saved some of the messages I've received to share with you. It's all about you's all about you.

This one came from a 29 year old male who's profile included a picture of him drunkenly hanging off of two females (at least I think they were females), and his passtimes included (and I quote) "haning out wit freinds and drinking"

hi i no what a cougar is lolol but what do u mean by the cat lady thing. r u a cougar

I wanted to respond: c'mere till I chew your fucking head off and do the whole world a favor.

I get the whole millenial generations need to simplify everything to fit into 60 characters or less. But when someone explicity states that acronyms drive them crazy and capital letters are a must and yet they still send THAT type of message, there's bigger issues there than just a need for simplicity.

I've received multiple messages that said:

hi, wanna chat

About what, your lack of proper punctuation, or the fact that since you just sent me a message trying to get my attention and you used THREE FUCKING WORDS, chances are the chats going to be pretty onesided. And I'll want to stab my eyes out with a fork because you don't use capital letters or punctuation.

So here's where I need you to weigh in. Should I just get over myself and stop being so critical about the proper use of the english language, should I embrace the u r's and brb's and AWHFY and CWYL? Should I learn to live without question marks and proper punctuation?

One more thing, did you know there's a text acronym for oral sex? I know, I didn't really need to know either.


BigSis said...
August 24, 2010 at 9:55 AM

Speaking from experience - DON'T LOWER YOUR STANDARDS - even gramatical ones. It only goes down from a first impression.

And, for the school supplies - I think a middle schooler is old enough to work her own corner. Just sayin' :)

Ed said...
August 24, 2010 at 10:04 AM

u r hot


Seriously though, you might want to lower them just a bit, and here's why:

"But when somoene explicity states that acronyms drive them crazy..."



No one is perfect.

just sayin'

Danielle said...
August 24, 2010 at 10:45 AM

Ok, you should get over all of that IF, he is HOT!!!!! Other than that, boot those idiots.
I thing oral sex looks something like this :o- LOL I crack myself up.

Salt said...
August 24, 2010 at 11:55 AM

Now I'm wondering what the oral acronym is.
Personally, I would have a problem getting over that. I know because I always ignored that crap when I was on an online dating site. One of the most annoying things to me is "LOL" and even more annoying is when they have to add multiple "OLOL"s after it. What the hell does laughoutloudoutloudoutloud mean?

Happy birthday to your middle. :)

MindyMom said...
August 24, 2010 at 12:19 PM

First of all, you do NOT suck at online dating. Online dating just SUCKS!

Trooper Thorn posted a comment on my blog the other day about the men who are online dating here:

and after the last three months of onlne dating myself, I'd have to agree with him.

As for the acronyms, punctuation and spelling? Yeah, it's bad but if you're dating online it's what you can expect.

Happy b-day to your kiddo. My #2 is 16 on the 2nd.

SurferWife said...
August 24, 2010 at 12:49 PM

Girl, I am so glad you joined the online dating scene. You know the fabulous fodder you are going to receive? Endless.

No. Don't lower your grammatical standards. Well, wait. Scratch that.

If he's hot, and you just want to bang him, you don't even need to speak with him. And you certainly don't need to read anything he types.

Anonymous said...
August 24, 2010 at 12:50 PM

U (sorry I just had to) are a brave soul. I did the online date thing, it wasn't pretty.

Best of luck :)

Steven Anthony
Man Dish~Metro Style

Anonymous said...
August 24, 2010 at 12:53 PM

Don't let the crappy punctuation and spelling slide. I hate that too, total pet peeve of mine. Is it really that hard to tack 2 extra letters on to spell "you" instead of "u"? If you can't take the time to do *that*, how the hell are you going to find time for me? (That's my reasoning, anyway.)

Good luck with it. I tried it for 3months (cough,cough, six) and it sucked hairy monkey balls.

Daffy said...
August 24, 2010 at 1:51 PM

You have standards for a reason.


Ms Batman said...
August 24, 2010 at 2:22 PM

Don't lower your standards, but relax them a little if he's really hot. I mean, I went my fair share of losers before I found my man on-line and we've been together for 4 years now.

MiMi said...
August 24, 2010 at 2:33 PM

What happened to motorcycle guy?
U don't like acronyms?
I C how U R.

The Queen said...
August 24, 2010 at 7:51 PM

I'm only going to explain this to you young chicks, one more time. Carry a ruler, there is only thing you need to measure. If they measure up be a cougar, if they don't.. move on.

Alex said...
August 24, 2010 at 8:24 PM

Man, I'd be terrified of even signing up for on-line dating! Guess I have to be happy that I already have a fat, hairy, lazy man at home that I don't have to replace.

* secretly logs onto dating site to see if there's a newer model available *

adrienzgirl said...
August 25, 2010 at 3:34 AM

I am going to take a wild stab at this and say...half of those guys have no idea what an acronym is, so stating that you don't like them makes no difference.

I have quit reading blogs for the same offenses, you know, unless it's on purpose. If I can't stand it in a blog? You damn sure know I am not dating someone who can't use proper fucking English!

However, it doesn't seem to bother me in text or chat. On Twitter I get it...on Facebook? You better write that shit proper.

Ok...I agree is all I'm sayin'.

Alicia said...
August 25, 2010 at 5:06 AM

Yikes...I met my hubs online (true story), but thankfully he could spell and form a complete sentence! I have a feeling that this is only the tip of the iceberg for you...I'm sure the responses will get a little crazier!!

The Only Girl said...
August 25, 2010 at 12:07 PM

You definitely need to hold out for good grammar. It's a prime indicator of the smarts and also his level of laziness. Although my husband's good at grammar but super lazy - so what do I know.

June said...
August 25, 2010 at 12:52 PM

Why should you lower your standards? I don't think you have set the bar "too high"...

Ward & I met on yahoo personals :)

Anonymous said...
August 25, 2010 at 12:59 PM

Are you looking for long term commitment or short term fun? If you want someone for the long haul you should keep your standards high. If you're just looking for instant gratification, who cares is he is to lazy to use complete words or punctuation?

Aunt Juicebox said...
August 25, 2010 at 7:44 PM

I think it's a sign of our age, Dual Mom....(for a split second I actually BELIEVED that crack about giving birth at 14). Sure, I get using LOL or BTW, BRB, for texting or prolonged chat sessions. I can't STAND people who write entire emails that way (or even on a Facebook status). But my daughter? I am pretty sure she communicates with her friends entirely by acronyms. It's the hazard of online dating - people who may not actually be stupid fall pray to the "new age" abbreviation trend. My BFF has tried all forms of online dating (including fucking Craigslist). I could tell you some very funny and very tragic stories about her experiences, but I think just from your limited exposure to it so far, you already know how it's going to go. Stick with picking up men in parking lots. At least you can see them face to face first and decide if you're willing to forgive some bad grammar. (I also suggest sports bars and hardware stores as possible pick up locations.)

carma said...
August 26, 2010 at 3:43 PM

non serial killers? be glad for the small things...

carma said...
August 26, 2010 at 3:44 PM

oh, and def get over it; I'm all for lowering standards; it makes things easy :D

Menopausal New Mom said...
August 27, 2010 at 9:47 PM

Oh the on-line dating thing. I don't know one person (I should correct that and say female) who has had any luck with on line dating. I think that's why for the past 5 years, we see the same sickeningly sweet couple in the damn TV commercial.

Linda Medrano said...
August 28, 2010 at 10:13 PM

In a word, Uh, "NO".

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