Fawk You Friday

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I'm playing along with the fabulicious Boobies today. Click above if you feel like joining in on the fun. Nothing is more fun than flipping the bird to those that piss you off, in my humble opinion.

  • To whatever it was that caused a huge gaping hole in my tire. I fucking love getting up in the morning only to discover that my front tire is completely flat. Know what's even more fun? Having to tow your car to the dealership to the tune of $125 smackers. The cost of replacing the tire was just icing on the cake really.

  • To the mosquitoes that seem to feel that my yard is the only place in the neighborhood adequate enough to set up housekeeping and multiply....fuck you. It's wonderful to sit in the livingroom watching my neighbors frolic on their deck in the evening, knowing that were I to step forth outside my house, I'd be carried away to neverland by you blood thirsty motherfuckers.

  • To my well-meaning older sister, who sent me an email saying I sounded "stressed and sad". Really? I can't imagine why I would sound stressed or sad. After all I have your visit to look forward to, I'm broke, I'm working two fucking jobs and I'm still broke and you need mussels and won't share your prozac. You'll land here full of piss and vinegar wanting to jaunt off to do this and that thereby making me feel bad because I can't frolic with you because I can't seem to gain entrance into the same fairy tale universe where you reside. (Pity party for one, anyone? It's ugly, I know.)

  • To the grass on my beautiful acre of property that won't stop fucking growing. Do you see the mosquitoes? Do you know how hard it is to cut you with the fuckers flying in my eyes and mouth? I look like I have a severe case of tourette syndrome with my head jerking everywhere and waving my hands ceaselessly in front of my face, all the while cursing FUCCCCCKKKK every two minutes.

  • To the doctor at the walk-in clinic who told me my blood pressure was high and attributed my chest pains to stress, then proceeded to advise me to "reduce the stress in my life" and to folllow up with my family doctor. Oh sorry, I didn't mean to spit on you as I laughed hysterically in your face. That's some funny shit there doc...reduce the stress in my life. You've got a magic wand stuck up your ass that you can wave? You obviously read that little sheet on your clipboard with my stats very carefully, you know, the one that indicated I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY DOCTOR ASSHAT.  Let's not talk about the fact that I pay almost 46% of my yearly income in taxes, a large part of which is supposed to go to health care so that we as Canadians have such frivolous things like family doctors.

  • To my coffee maker. For dying on me this morning, leaving me to fall to the floor in an oscar worthy show of hysterical tears and blubbering mass of emotional despair. Why, oh why this morning of all mornings?
Is it a bad thing that I'm seriously considering drinking at 12:30 in the afternoon? Do I need an intervention? Have I asked that question before? Never mind, please don't answer.

No worries folks. This too shall pass, right? RIGHT? I have my health. Wait no, apparently I don't. I have three beautiful children. Ummm well no, they're really not that cute anymore and quite frankly full of attitude that is fugly. I have a wonderful job that I love that pays the bills, well no not .......ahhh fuck it.

I'll be back later with a list of all the sunshiny, glorious things. After a drink or two....

17 comments:

Mass Hole Mommy said...
August 6, 2010 at 1:17 PM

Bwahaha...my grass stopped growing a month ago because of a stupid ass heat wave we had. It's all brown, but at least it's not growing.

adrienzgirl said...
August 6, 2010 at 1:54 PM

O.k., I'm starting to get concerned about you! It's never too early to start drinking! :D

Kimberly said...
August 6, 2010 at 2:07 PM

Great blog! Came across your blog from one of the blog hops, and looking forward to reading more of your stuff. I am now following... feel free to follow back if you like!!!!
All the best,
Kim

http://amoroccan-acat-and-my-bigass.blogspot.com/

MiMi said...
August 6, 2010 at 2:18 PM

Friend!! You're making me feel really bad for ya. I'll be joining your pity party with you. :(
And, I'm really NOT laughing at the vision of you trying to mow the lawn with the tourettes thing.

Danielle said...
August 6, 2010 at 3:17 PM

Ah, there is the Dual mommy that I have missed do much. I was rolling reading this. Back to your f'ing hillarious posts. It's not that I find your misery funny, it is the way you tell it! I love me some of you!!!

kyooty said...
August 6, 2010 at 4:59 PM

hugs!!! especially on the Doctor thing. Want one "Quick" I heard from a friend on the island there? get pregnant! yep suddenly you have a family doctor?

The Blue Zoo said...
August 6, 2010 at 7:52 PM

I would seriously throw a tantrum if my coffee pot died. And then immediately go back to bed.

I couldnt help it, I was totally laughing at the tourretts while mowing part... LOL

Mrsblogalot said...
August 6, 2010 at 8:21 PM

I'm not laughing either. Imagining your oscar worthy coffee maker death scene is not funny...Haa...no... stop it. Not funny. Sorry.

*sigh*...I need a tissue to wipe my eyes...I ...er...must have a mosquito in them....

Drama Queen said...
August 6, 2010 at 10:03 PM

Hey, it's 5:00 somewhere, as we say, so start the drinking!

And I shouldn't laugh at the mosquito thing, but the Tourette thingie made me laugh!

Tracie said...
August 6, 2010 at 10:47 PM

My last coffee pot died during a snowstorm. I got my kids up and out we trudged. It was safer for them to be out on the icy roads than to be stuck at home with me when I'm not caffeinated.

~J said...
August 6, 2010 at 11:59 PM

Awww baby girl!!! Sending you big boobied cyber hugs!! Wish I could do something to help--I truly mean that.

If it makes you feel any better--the mosquitoes are KILLING us here...my son is head to toe ate up.

Lori E said...
August 7, 2010 at 12:15 AM

You're Canadian? Well that explains everything.

middle child said...
August 7, 2010 at 2:19 AM

Yeah. You gotta get sick of all the never ending shit. It just keeps on coming. If I could, I'd come out there and shoot all those damn mosquitoes. Hate them!!! Pills, liquor, whatever it takes. No coffee?????? Say it isn't true. I'd end up in the psych ward. Kisses.

Aunt Juicebox said...
August 7, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Start your day with a bloody mary, you won't need no stinkin' coffee. ;)

I think we have both had the summer from Hell, and if my opinion counts, you deserve to bitch about it, at the very least. Kicking a few asses might be a good second course.

gayle said...
August 8, 2010 at 12:59 AM

I have to have my coffee in the morning!! Hope things start to get less stressed soon!

Mae Rae said...
August 8, 2010 at 11:26 AM

I am but a little concerned for you. At least the finger is getting some good use.

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