An Anne Landers Moment

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As many of you are aware, I've joined an online dating site. It's rife with lunatics and 21 year olds looking for their Mrs. Robinson. I actually added an addendum to my profile last week that said, "If you're under 25 years old, please don't message me. I'm sure you're a great guy, but I have no desire to be your Mrs. Robinson. Don't know who that is? Google it".

Yeah it's that bad.

I work at the senior management level of a community College in a relatively small area. People love to talk. Our front page news includes articles about emails sent by the wife of a local politican. Yes, THAT small. We have no crime to speak of so what else are people going to talk about really? I'm going somewhere with this, give me a minute.

I'm very aware of what I do and say - and how it reflects on my employer. No one at work knows I'm a member of an online dating site. It would fuel the gossip mongers for days. No, I do not have an inflated ego, I just know how people talk. I have no desire to be gossip fodder for the crowd in the staff room.

So last night I'm online surfing through profiles of various men and I get an instant message. I respond and we go back and forth for awhile. This guy is CUTE and YOUNG - 27. This puts him 10 years younger than me. I have not figured out where my boundaries are with regard to dating and age. Is 27 too young for an almost 37 year old woman? I don't know. But we're chatting and there's no harm in that, right? This whole online thing is hit or miss. I sometimes get IM'd by guys who will sit there expecting me to carry the entire "conversation". That doesn't fly with me. Or guys who are so incredibly boring that my eyes bleed and I cannot fathom how they would actually hold a conversation in real life. This guy wasn't like that, he zinged the replies back as quick as I fired them out. He had a biting sense of humour which always attracts me.

And then I found out he's a student. Not only is he a student - right at this very fucking moment he's in a classroom beside my office. I saw him walking by earlier this morning. It was bound to happen, right?

He asked me to go for a drink this weekend (he moves fast which I like).  I had to explain to him that I work at his College. That I wasn't sure if I was comfortable going out with a student. I couldn't even give the poor guy my first name, considering the fact that there's no one else in the organization with my first name. He has no idea what I look like and here I am checking him out as he walks by my office. I must admit it kind of amuses me. He was surprisingly ok with my hesitation, he seemed to understand it.

There are just so many pitfalls that this could lead to, me becoming the top item on the gossip circuit being just one of them.

What do you think? Is 27 too young? Am I just asking for trouble by going for a drink with a student? To my knowledge there is no policy against staff socializing with students. That does not mean there isn't an unwritten policy. I don't know, it's never been an issue in my world. Up until now. If I wasn't in the position I'm in, I probably would not give it a second thought. But I am.

Did I mention he's incredibly cute and funny?


Melinda said...
September 16, 2010 at 10:56 AM

As someone who has done the online dating thing I'll just put a coupla things out there...from experience.

-are you sure he is 27? He could be much younger.

-at 27 and in college he probably is at a interesting time in his life. ie. you will be paying for dinner etc.

-remember the saying 'don't dip your pen in company ink' (again this is from experience)

Not to rain on your parade but if you are questioning yourself....go with your spidey senses....

Danielle said...
September 16, 2010 at 11:11 AM

Well, I was going to say that he is 27 for god sake. It is not like he is 19 and going to college. But then Melinda up there had to go and make a few good points.
Here is another point. You aren't looking for a relationship, so I would probably skip something that could potentially cause you problems unless it could be a long term thing.

Menopausal New Mom said...
September 16, 2010 at 11:46 AM

Holy Shit Girl! This has the potential to blow up in your face like an atomic bomb! You need to tread carefully, if this guy decides that it's okay, then you go out, then things run their course without a happy ending, you will be biting your nails down to your wrists trying to keep this whole dating online thing quiet.

If you really like him and he is worth the risk of everyone finding out how you met, then go for it. Otherwise politely decline online, wait a couple of weeks and then hit on him at work.

Can't wait to see what you decide!

kyooty said...
September 16, 2010 at 12:37 PM

I'd wait it out, I'd have to find out you were in a position with access to grades? and so on and so forth... BOOM!

Anonymous said...
September 16, 2010 at 1:10 PM

Having tried the 10-15 years younger thing a couple of times(unintentionally!)... I'd go with eh, pass on this one. Especially given the work situation. Dangerous territory treading there. Tempting, I'm sure, but if you want 'living on the edge' call up motorcycle man for another ride.

GunDiva said...
September 16, 2010 at 1:15 PM

We have a written policy in place at our college - no fraternizing with students - it always ends badly :(

That said, I had myself a 23 year-old boy toy and it was FABULOUS. Not the sex, because at 23 they're just not any good at it (they think they are, but, um, no), but knowing that someone 14 years younger than me thought I was a MILF was most excellent for my ego.

On my online profile I had to actually add "anti-gun, bunny-loving, tree-huggers need not apply", which essentially wiped out all of the males in the Boulder area (not that I'm complaining).

MiMi said...
September 16, 2010 at 1:35 PM

HAHAHA! If you don't know who Mrs Robinson is, well, first you're young...second YOU ARE STUPID.

Crazy Brunette said...
September 16, 2010 at 3:00 PM

Oh dear god.

I think 27 is FINE! Just because he's a student doesn't mean he also doesn't work and WILL pay for dinner (Melinda's comment)

If you think that you could never publicly announce you were seeing this man BECAUSE he goes to school where you work then that's what I would take into consideration.

The 'secret thing' may be fun for awhile... UNTIL you see some 21 year old skank all over his nuts and you can't say anything because... IT'S A DAMN SECRET!

Mrsblogalot said...
September 16, 2010 at 4:16 PM

The only problem would be if he was a 27 year old boring, unappealing student.

Save the mind torture for the ex (-"

Salt said...
September 16, 2010 at 4:18 PM

27 is fine. If I weren't married, I wouldn't even bat an eye at dating a 27 year old. Most of the ones I know are perfectly mature and nice to hang out with.

The problem for me would be the student thing. But then again, you aren't actually a teacher right? Is there a specific set policy for this sort of thing? I guess I'd be most concerned about him running his mouth to other students. Then again, I don't trust anyone. So yeah...I'm a buzzkill.

Linda Medrano said...
September 16, 2010 at 4:28 PM

I am 64 and my husband of 20 years is 49. Do the math. Age really is just a number and 27 and 37 are not that far apart. You are not his teacher and this is not a 17 year old high school boy. But I'm not sure I'd draw the line at that either. 17 is old enough.

Logical Libby said...
September 16, 2010 at 6:37 PM

I wouldn't risk it. There are just too many red flags, starting with the fact he's 27 and still in college...

Anonymous said...
September 16, 2010 at 9:05 PM

I'm new here, found you through Ian's blog. For what my .02's is worth, I say follow your instincts. He's an adult. He's going to school to (hopefully) get a good job, and you think he's cute. What harm could it do? Well, small town, lots of gossip, etc. Do what you feel like girl. It can't hurt to get a drink. Good luck!

Daffy said...
September 16, 2010 at 10:42 PM

Define 'student'....picking up a few classes to finish off a degree? Continuing education? Working on a masters? Full time career student? Night class? Day classes?

When does the semester end? *wink*

Keep chatting for a bit. I'm liking the idea of being able to check him out while he still has no idea who you are. Maybe the fun will wear off after a few more conversations OR the Spidey sense will send you in one direction or the other.

Either way, you damn well better keep us posted *grin*

adrienzgirl said...
September 17, 2010 at 8:35 PM

So...who gives a flyin' flannigans about the age? Not. this. girl.

As far as the "gossip talk" goes, it wouldn't bother me. Small town, whatever. I really don't give a shit, and frankly, you shouldn't either. A bunch of married ninnies with nothing better to do than to live vicariously through others.

As long as it won't affect your actual job, or get you dismissed, fuck 'em if they can't deal. It's your life. LIVE IT!

Anonymous said...
September 17, 2010 at 9:48 PM

I hate to say it, but I'm one of those people who are hung up on age. But more with mens' intentions than womens'.

Anyways, I'd probably shy away from a ten year age gap anyways but adding the whole work complication in I'd stay away.

Well, I probably wouldn't stay away, but that would be the smart thing to do.

Kat said...
September 17, 2010 at 10:12 PM

Go for it, girl! Cougar is IN!

Kat said...
September 17, 2010 at 10:12 PM This comment has been removed by the author.
gayle said...
September 17, 2010 at 11:23 PM

Here's some advice from someone who has a daughter older than you...... I could be your here asked... NO .....stay away it could cause you major problems at work...b/c there probably is a policy..and you are in a different place in life than he have older kids and I know some would say that you should go and just have fun but sometimes these things lead to more and I just think after the fun and excitement wears off then it wouldn't be as fun anymore. I know I sound like an old lady...sorry!!

Quixotic said...
September 19, 2010 at 12:36 AM

My hubby is ten years older than me, we don't even really notice the difference, it's not like we come from a different generation, we still "get" the same pop-culture references etc.

I say trust your instincts, but if you want to meet him, go for it!! While you are still IM'ing, see if you can get him to tell you one really embarassing thing about himself. That way he'll think twice about blabbing should it all go tits-up in the end...

:o) You're welcome.

Anonymous said...
September 20, 2010 at 2:16 AM

As long as he's older than 18 he's legal right? hee! hee! Get your freak on girlie!

Unless youre looking for a long term thing. Then you should probably be careful.

Scribe said...
September 20, 2010 at 2:33 AM

My initial reaction was to go for it and then I read the comments...

Age is not the issue. Him being a student is not an issue either. Him being a student at your college may be another thing altogether. Just be sure there can be no fallout over dating a student and make sure he has the maturity to handle it as well.

That said, we're not talking a full blown relationship yet. Why not start with a date and go from there!

Anonymous said...
September 22, 2010 at 7:00 PM

My Mom is 10 years my Dads senior..they've been together for about 20 years I'd never count someone out based on age..get it girl! ;)

Yankee Girl said...
September 29, 2010 at 2:57 PM

Do it, do it, do it! I think you should do it and then worry about it later. That's what I do! And you might have a ton of fun!

Mae Rae said...
October 6, 2010 at 3:25 PM

Damn! Bummer with a capitol B...i was hoping that you ended it with a great romance starting.

Nancy Deprez said...
October 31, 2010 at 6:19 PM

Where are you, Dual Mom? I just got into your terrific blog - I love your style and your sense of humor........I hope you continue with the blog. I think I have read all your old posts so I'm caught up!