Can We Just Skip The Teen Phase

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Oh sweet jesus can we not just skip this part of the book?

As many of you know I have three teenagers. The oldest decided back in the fall that he didn't like his mother's rules and moved in with his father. He turns 19 next week, he graduates from high school in June, he has a girlfriend apparently and I have been excluded from all of it. People keep telling me he will wake up someday and realize his mother isn't the witch he has made her out to be. I am not so sure that day will come. In the meantime I'm missing some monumental life moments.

The youngest (Ms. Noreene) who turns 13 in June has her very first boyfriend. I cherish the fact that she feels comfortable enough to tell me about this. I learned of it the day SHE ASKED HIM OUT! Dear sweet jesus she's her mother's daughter. He calls every evening, he shows up at concerts and basketball games. I can't understand how he's still walking upright really as I've killed the poor little fucker in my mind about 236 times. He's a nice enough boy, polite and speaks in full sentences. She is so in love with him, in that 12 almost 13 year old way. I dread the day he breaks her heart and I have to try and convince her that life goes on. In the meantime I smile and nod when she spends 20 minutes telling me about what Connor said and did. I revel in her happiness while hating the fact that my little girl is growing up.

My middle child, who in typical middle child fashion, has never given me a day of worry in his life, got home last night at 1:10 am. Blink, Blink. Blink. What the hell? Does he have any idea how difficult it is to call off the hounds and the air search party? This morning he explained in a calm rational way that he had lost track of time. Went to a movie with his buddies, out for chinese food afterward and didn't bother to look at a clock. He stood in front of me explaining this as though we were talking about the weather. He apologized for worrying me and said that I don't need to worry. When my head stopped spinning on my shoulders and my body stopped twitching from anger, I explained to him that worrying is what mother's do. It is our job. We have union cards. His response, "Well mum I'm really sorry, but your obsessive compulsive disorder is your problem not mine". Do I laugh or slap him?

So yeah, I'd like a please pass go and collect $200 dollars for this phase of child rearing, please?

All anxiety and tongue in cheek aside, I realize fully that I could be dealing with so much worse. I have never had to pick my kid up drunk in a public place (sorry Mom), I don't worry about any of them drinking and driving or doing drugs (sorry Mom). I've never had to go into a hospital to sign waivers so they could have surgery because they broke an ankle falling down a set of stairs...drunk (sorry Mom).  It could be alot worse. Hell, I have done so much worse.

On the boy front - I'm going on the road next week with him. Yours truly is hanging up the heels, putting on the sneakers and living in a truck for a week with a boy - who may or may not throw me in the Mississippi at the first opportunity. You just know there will be stories. What else will I have to do but blog about everything he says and does? There may even be pictures.

11 comments:

MiMi said...
April 9, 2011 at 8:01 PM

Oooh, I can't wait to hear about your time in the truck with the boy!
And this sentence: I can't understand how he's still walking upright really as I've killed the poor little fucker in my mind about 236 times.
BEST EVAH.

adrienzgirl said...
April 10, 2011 at 12:17 AM

So...since I've already experienced life with one teenager, who gave me another daughter, I can tell you...they do eventually get better. However, looking at teen years staring me in the face with 3 boys scares the living shit out of me! SERIOUSLY. I thought for a millisecond what the hell did I do to deserve this, and then my teens and early twenties came flooding into my conscience instead of buried where I left them.

*sigh* We'll get through this together Momma! Love ya!

Have a fun road trip! I expect TALES! TALL TALL TALES! oh...and pictures!

Lori E said...
April 10, 2011 at 1:24 PM

I told my broken hearted child that the old "I can't live without her/him" just doesn't wash because you apparently did live before you were with that person and you were doing just fine.
As for the lost track of time son...everybody and their dog has a cell phone with the time on it. Obsessive? I think not. You are his parent not his friend. Sick those hounds on him and fire up the helicopter. I would tell him that next time I will come looking for him and I will likely still be in my pajamas because it is late after all.

Kaylen said...
April 11, 2011 at 1:11 AM

I have been WAY too lucky with my son - he has been a total angel compared to what I put my poor mom through...I have so few reasons to complain that sometimes I feel ridiculous for complaining at all.
Teenage years are REALLY hard on everyone.

Dan.Eliot said...
April 11, 2011 at 9:34 AM

“I wanted my family to run like a democracy. Pretty soon I realized that the children were running the show.”Too many single parents make this mistake either to allay some amount of guilt associated with depriving the children of a second parent or because they want to dump some responsibility.


help for single Dads

gayle said...
April 12, 2011 at 8:11 PM

I am so glad that I already went thorough the teen years with my daughters! Hopefully my daughter will not tell me anything my grandson does that's bad.

Have a fun trip! Would love to see some pics!

Maurice said...
April 13, 2011 at 4:08 PM

I have a house full of teenagers as well. Despite all the worry they cause me (two are learning to drive), like you, I know it could be a lot worse. Everybody has good grades... they look out for each other... once in a while someone will remember to put the milk back in the fridge...

Yankee Girl said...
April 20, 2011 at 2:06 PM

Pictures! I want pictures!

Have a fansmashingtastic time on the road!

(I don't have kids so I have no thoughts for you on that one, except good luck!)

gayle said...
May 11, 2011 at 8:19 PM

Come on it's about time for another post! Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day!

Another Day of Crazy said...
June 24, 2011 at 12:48 PM

No road trip stories to share? Tales of the ex-asshole? Lovey-dovey shit we don't really want to read but will to be nice?

Anything?

Dual Mom said...
August 2, 2011 at 10:13 PM This comment has been removed by the author.